Should I give my children money when I sell their things?

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

I know exactly what textbooks cost as I bought several as a student. I also sold on quite a few of them afterwards, and many are still sitting on my shelves now.

And when my own children reach university age I will of course ensure they are adequately funded through loans and top ups from myself. But it will be up to them to organise their budget, allocating appropriate amounts towards study materials and living costs. Adults need to be able to make these decisions for themselves.

Sorry, you seemed to be saying that I was over the top with my old text book scenario, was just checking you knew how much they cost.

Ironically my uni books gathered dust in my parents loft for 20 years and were neither use nor ornament and went in the skip last year. Bit of a waste, really.

Independence for your children / young adults is great, but its a real struggle getting through uni nowadays, and pulling together as a family to try to make ends meet works for us. If that means selling old stuff to buy petrol, books or even study aids, i will gladly do it.
And yes, even paying the electricity bill.

quidsy

onlyroz wrote: »

Where have I ever described possessions as things to be worshipped?

I didn't say you did. You are reading into something that isn't there. I said I teach MY child that objects are not to be worshipped.

It really is quite simple - I believe a child has a right to have a say in what happens to their things. And if the thing has value then the proceeds should return to them.

And that is fine. For YOU. For me I don't want my child placing importance on objects, I want him to consider that once a toy or game has been grown out of that's it. I don't want him thinking that the disposal of one thing means he automatically gets a replacement. And to understand why any money made from the sale of anything goes to the family. Not the individual.

Once he is older & can manage his own stuff & money, then he can change that but whilst we fund everything, this is our choice.

But people on here seem to be of the opinion that a child has no right to posessions of their own, and are too dumb to be able to offer an opinion of what to do with things they have outgrown.

Again, said no one ever.

I have said that once MY child has outgrown an object then it can be sold or donated to make space &/or money if possible. The money then goes to the family pot. If MY child wanted to keep an object he could. No one is forcing him to part with beloved items.

And where has anyone said anything about children being to dumb? I certainly haven't. But as the adult it is my job to make certain decisions on behalf of my child. That doesn't make him dumb, only a child who sometimes doesn't need a say.

janninew

tattycath wrote: »

Devils advocate:
I give my teenager a gift. After a few months she no longer wants it. It is probably still worth a fair few quid. There is no way on this planet I would suggest that 'giving it to charity' is an option-because it isn't! Charity begins at home. The chances are she no longer wants the gift as she has either gone off it, or 'just because she's had it a while' (this happened only a few weeks ago-I asked why she doesn't want it, she says 'because I've had it a while').
The chances are she has seen something better/more expensive that she would like anyway-in which case I would tell her to keep that in mind for when I ask what she would like for her birthday etc. (money doesn't grow on trees anywhere near us and to lavish gifts on her for no apparent reason would be foolish).
I think you will find everyone has grasped the concept-it's just that everyone has a different opinion. This seems to be the thing that some people can't get their head around!

Isn't a teenager old enough to decide what to do with their possessions when they have finished with them? Isn't it their decision to give their items to charity if they so wish? I find it hard to understand that a parent gives a gift to a child, after a few months takes it back to sell and then uses the money to buy the next birthday present with. In my opinion that is taking money saving a little far.

Jagraf

janninew wrote: »

Isn't a teenager old enough to decide what to do with their possessions when they have finished with them? Isn't it their decision to give their items to charity if they so wish? I find it hard to understand that a parent gives a gift to a child, after a few months takes it back to sell and then uses the money to buy the next birthday present with. In my opinion that is taking money saving a little far.

If I didn't actively ask my teen whether she still wanted x, y or z (emphasis on the not just taking, as no one has said they do), it could sit in her room doing nothing for years. She doesn't want a big discussion about what to do with it really, she's just living her life (which does include doing things for others I hasten to add). I can give her the £10 I get for the skirt I put on ebay, or I can use £10 in petrol money to fetch her from the cinema etc. or, she can have the £10 and have to catch the bus back in the dark, which doesn't suit either of us.

She doesn't think I'm stealing, she definitely learns the value of money this way, and everyone's happy.

I can't afford to not put back in the pot.

janninew

I suppose that personal financial situations make the difference. I can afford to pay for petrol for lifts and other bits my child may need without selling their stuff so it's a difficult situation for me to understand. I do think teenagers should be taking responsibility for their own possessions though, fair enough get rid if you've asked them to have a sort out and you get fed up waiting, but I do think they should be given the opportunity to either sell it on or donate to charity if they wish.

onlyroz

quidsy wrote: »

And where has anyone said anything about children being to dumb? I certainly haven't. But as the adult it is my job to make certain decisions on behalf of my child. That doesn't make him dumb, only a child who sometimes doesn't need a say.

If you don't seek your child's opinion on simple matters like what should happen to their things then you are treating them as being dumb. And if you never involve them in such decisions how are they to ever learn how to make these decisions for themselves in the future?

onlyroz

Jagraf wrote: »

If I didn't actively ask my teen whether she still wanted x, y or z (emphasis on the not just taking, as no one has said they do), it could sit in her room doing nothing for years. She doesn't want a big discussion about what to do with it really, she's just living her life (which does include doing things for others I hasten to add). I can give her the £10 I get for the skirt I put on ebay, or I can use £10 in petrol money to fetch her from the cinema etc. or, she can have the £10 and have to catch the bus back in the dark, which doesn't suit either of us.

She doesn't think I'm stealing, she definitely learns the value of money this way, and everyone's happy.

I can't afford to not put back in the pot.

I think it would be more valuable for your teen to learn how to do these things for themselves. If they're unmotivated then the next time they ask for money to buy (eg) some new clothes then perhaps suggest that they have a look through all these things that have been stuck in cupboards for ages to see which items have value. The end result might be the same - ie your teen is adequately clothed - but your teen has also learned a lesson in self sufficiency rather than relying on mum to do everything.

quidsy

onlyroz wrote: »

If you don't seek your child's opinion on simple matters like what should happen to their things then you are treating them as being dumb.

Sigh, I have a feeling you have never said the words "in my opinion only" !

And if you never involve them in such decisions how are they to ever learn how to make these decisions for themselves in the future?

Grasping again. There are other ways to teach children how to make decisions than the disposal of unwanted toys. It's not a one time shot!

To clarify, you have an opinion, it is yours, it isn't right, it isn't wrong, it is purely what you think about something. I have my opinion, it isn't right, it isn't wrong, it is purely how I think about something.

Has no one ever explained this to you before?

POPPYOSCAR

I always thought that once a gift is made to someone then it becomes their property.


And no I would never sell something I had gifted to my children and keep the money or use for another present.


Clothes and furniture etc. I do not consider being gifts so would treat that differently.

onlyroz

quidsy wrote: »

To clarify, you have an opinion, it is yours, it isn't right, it isn't wrong, it is purely what you think about something. I have my opinion, it isn't right, it isn't wrong, it is purely how I think about something.

Has no one ever explained this to you before?

You're the one who started flinging insults around by casting aspersions on my parenting skills. I have never denied anybody a right to an opinion. I also value the opinions of my children, unlike some forum users.