Should I give my children money when I sell their things?

sulphate

onlyroz wrote: »

A uni aged "child" should probably be buying their own books out of their loan/grant. I certainly wouldn't have expected my parents to give me extra for them.

You may not have expected it but loans and grants for university students are often means tested so their parents often subsidise them, particularly if their courses are too intense for them to get jobs in term time. My colleague and her husband earn a reasonable salary between them and as a result the loan their 18 year old gets is just about enough to cover his rent, so they do also make a contribution towards his other expenses.

I don't see why it's such a bad thing to sell old stuff that is no longer wanted/needed and use the money either towards future purchases for the child or for it to go towards general family expenses that benefit the child also. Perhaps when my baby is born I should ask his/her permission before selling their clothes they might have only worn once? :rotfl:

That being said, when my DH moved out of home he wasn't allowed to take any of his bedroom furniture with him because according to his parents it's "theirs" so it currently sits in one of their spare rooms, gathering dust whereas if he had taken it with him it would have been put to good use. Seems pointless to me.

onlyroz

sulphate wrote: »

I don't see why it's such a bad thing to sell old stuff that is no longer wanted/needed and use the money either towards future purchases for the child or for it to go towards general family expenses that benefit the child also. Perhaps when my baby is born I should ask his/her permission before selling their clothes they might have only worn once? :rotfl:

I think there's a difference between selling on clothes, and selling on Christmas and birthday presents. And yes, the age of the child is probably a factor. A toddler won't notice if their baby rattles disappears, but a teen would most certainly notice if their video games started disappearing.

And yes, of course parents give their kids extra money for university - but to suggest that they'd have to give back old textbooks to their parents does sound a bit over the top.

sulphate

onlyroz wrote: »

I think there's a difference between selling on clothes, and selling on Christmas and birthday presents. And yes, the age of the child is probably a factor. A toddler won't notice if their baby rattles disappears, but a teen would most certainly notice if their video games started disappearing.

Yes and I suppose it comes down to whether or not the child is capable of selling it on themselves. Are they able to make an appropriate decision about what to do with the item?

A 3 year old isn't, but a 17 year old is.

onlyroz

sulphate wrote: »

Yes and I suppose it comes down to whether or not the child is capable of selling it on themselves. Are they able to make an appropriate decision about what to do with the item?

A 3 year old isn't, but a 17 year old is.

My 9-year-old was certainly able to see the sense in trading in his old completed PS3 games and using the money to buy new ones. And my 6-year-old was initially reluctant to let go of her duplo but once she realised that she could trade it in for some Lego Friends and Barbie Megablocks she rapidly changed her mind.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

I think there's a difference between selling on clothes, and selling on Christmas and birthday presents. And yes, the age of the child is probably a factor. A toddler won't notice if their baby rattles disappears, but a teen would most certainly notice if their video games started disappearing.

And yes, of course parents give their kids extra money for university - but to suggest that they'd have to give back old textbooks to their parents does sound a bit over the top.

I was only using the textbook as an example, but there are many people who not have that choice. Thy struggle on a daily basis to do what they can or their child. It might be a nice choice to let the child keep all proceeds, if you have that choice. I don't therefore think its a matter of morals, maybe its more a matter of surviving in the best way possible. And sometimes an old textbook,as you call it, can fetch quite a lot of money.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

I think there's a difference between selling on clothes, and selling on Christmas and birthday presents. And yes, the age of the child is probably a factor. A toddler won't notice if their baby rattles disappears, but a teen would most certainly notice if their video games started disappearing.

And yes, of course parents give their kids extra money for university - but to suggest that they'd have to give back old textbooks to their parents does sound a bit over the top.

But no one is saying anything is disappearing. I'm not sure by you are implying theft here.

tattycath

When my 'kids' have finished with there stuff-be it presents or otherwise, I always ask them what they want me to do with it. Do they want it selling and want the money? Sending to charity? Or what?
They always-without fail, say that they don't care what I do with it and they aren't bothered about any money I make from it. They are all young adults.
Please note, we are not a rich, money no object family and they are not spoilt.
I do, however, tend to buy them stuff or help them out as and when necessary and treat them occasionally.

quidsy

Originally Posted by onlyroz
At the car boot I went halves with my mum on the entry fee. And yes, of course it's not worth while putting everything on eBay - but I wouldn't sneak my child's possessions off to the charity shop
without clearing it with them first.

Where has anyone said they are sneaking their kids stuff? No one.

The question was about toys & games that are no longer played with. Please don't try to twist things around to suit whatever the agenda in your mind is.

To make it very simple for those who seem unable or unwilling to understand: In our family, when something is no longer used or needed, be it furniture, toys, clothes, cars etc, they either are sold or donated. The money is absorbed into the family budget. There is no theirs & mine.

A gift/object is only "yours" for as long as you want it, once you have no more interest in it then it becomes family property & is sold or passed on.

My son is 7. He isn't a teenager who is capable of selling his own stuff. When he is, he can but he will also be expected to pay for his own upgrades, replacements etc. Currently I pay for those for my 7 year old & therefore use whatever household budget we have to do so, topping it up on occasions with resale items.

And for whoever asked about my child using "my" stuff.
Yes, my son does get use of things that "I" bought, the furniture, car, food, clothes, heating, school fees, holidays, after school clubs, summer clubs to name but a small amount. I don't sit there tallying up how much my 7 year old owes me in petrol & club fees every year. But yes, he gets ALOT of use out those things that are "mine".

onlyroz

quidsy wrote: »

A gift/object is only "yours" for as long as you want it, once you have no more interest in it then it becomes family property & is sold or passed on.

I would be extremely wary about giving a child a gift if I knew that their parents had this attitude. How far would you take it? Lets say that your child inherits a valuable heirloom from a grandparent - would you view this as a family asset to be hawked off to the highest bidder if the child doesn't show an immediate interest? I would expect granny to prefer that the item was kept to be passed down to further generations.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

I would be extremely wary about giving a child a gift if I knew that their parents had this attitude. How far would you take it? Lets say that your child inherits a valuable heirloom from a grandparent - would you view this as a family asset to be hawked off to the highest bidder if the child doesn't show an immediate interest? I would expect granny to prefer that the item was kept to be passed down to further generations.

Would you do the same but and give it away to anyone who took an interest?

Please would you answer my question that I keep,asking:

Why is it ok to give your children's toys to a friend so that your child has no future benefit, but it is wrong to sell your children's toys and use the money for the whole family? Bearing in mind that no-one has ever said they steal the toys, take them while they are still enjoying them, or anything of the kind. It seems that you equate "selling" with "stealing" but its ok to take and then throw away or give away.

As a side issue, we pass presents around our family all the time. I have also given money to my god niece for her birthday so that she could put this towards a school trip as I knew her mum couldn't afford it. Again, its the same thing.