Should I give my children money when I sell their things?

quidsy

So in your house would you go and rifle through your kids' xBox games,
pillaging all ones with value and then sell them to pay the gas bill? My kids
would be rightly horrified if I attempted to do that.

If I was totally desperate & it was the only thing stopping us from being cut off, yes & would explain to my child why it was happening. I'd be most disappointed if he was then "horrified" at the idea of helping his family. In normal terms though, no. BUT when/if ds no longer played with them then yes I would & without qualms.

When my son no longer played with the ds games he got at 5 they were sold & the money went into the household pot. He still has the ds just with the older games he received a bday to xmas pressies.

If I hand my child a present, wrapped in shiny paper with a tag containing

their name, and they open it up, play with it and put it on their shelf then
why
would they not consider the item to be "theirs"?

It's theirs to play with, of course it is but if my son wanted to smash an expensive gift, should I let him just because he considers it his?

If they then decide they've
outgrown it then why shouldn't they sell
it and use the money to buy
themselves something else? Surely
all this teaches them valuable
lessons about the worth of things?

Because a 7 year old wont sell it themselves. It will just sit & not get played with anymore. Also, if they are no longer playing with something or have outgrown it then it doesn't need to be "replaced" they still have all the other stuff in the house to amuse themselves with. It isn't a case of replacing one for the other, it about accepting that you outgrow some things.




Do you have to replace every single thing item of clothing that you grow out of or no longer like? I don't. If I decide I don't like a particular top, it goes, I don't look at it's sale as an excuse to get something else.

gainsboroughgirl

I did -but taught them something by taking a small commission for my time and effort. Kids can be extremely reasonable when they see the rationale for this - that without your help they would not be able to release the cash for its new purpose.

quidsy

If mine is having a rummage in a toy box he often brings me things to sell. This morning it was a CP30 mask that was "freaking him out"

onlyroz

quidsy wrote: »

It's theirs to play with, of course it is but if my son wanted to smash an expensive gift, should I let him just because he considers it his?

Teaching your kids not to smash their things is a separate issue to viewing their property as your own.

Imagine it from another view point. Let's say that you gave your nephew an xBox game which cost you say £40, and then you found out that your nephew's parent had sold the game and put the money into the household pot. Wouldn't you feel a bit miffed?

When I buy gifts for my nieces they are not intended to be used as collateral for the household expenses.

quidsy

onlyroz wrote: »

Teaching your kids not to smash their things is a separate issue to viewing their property as your own.

Imagine it from another view point. Let's say that you gave your nephew an xBox game which cost you say £40, and then you found out that your nephew's parent had sold the game and put the money into the household pot. Wouldn't you feel a bit miffed?

When I buy gifts for my nieces they are not intended to be used as collateral for the household expenses.

Nope, I gave it to them & it is their choice to do with it as they wish. I re gift things my child receives if he has it already or isn't interested in it. It's just "stuff".

Jagraf

I really would like to know what people do with their kids stuff, who think its wrong not to give the money to the kids.

I would hazard a guess mostly they give their kids stuff away and their kids get no future benefit, or they let it pile up in bedrooms gathering dust, or they chuck it, because they can't be bothered.

I bet there are very few from what I can see who sell it anyway, so the whole debate is a bit academic.

Those I think who utilise the money for a future purpose are the ones who are truly MSE, whose kids see the true value of money.

I'm happy to keep circulating the money for future benefit of our family.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

Teaching your kids not to smash their things is a separate issue to viewing their property as your own.

Imagine it from another view point. Let's say that you gave your nephew an xBox game which cost you say £40, and then you found out that your nephew's parent had sold the game and put the money into the household pot. Wouldn't you feel a bit miffed?

When I buy gifts for my nieces they are not intended to be used as collateral for the household expenses.

What should your nieces do with the gifts when they are no longer needed? I'm surprised you would have any interest in it anyway, as gifts don't usually come with a list of provisos.

My MIL gave me £100 for my birthday. I have spent it on petrol and the weekly shop. Is that wrong?

Wht about, say, student books that you bought for your teen at uni and then they didn't need it? You struggled to afford it in the first place but you managed. Is that theirs? Is it yours? You can get £20 for it which means paying for a meal out for all of you as a family. Is that ok? I would say that's a good use of the money.

onlyroz

Jagraf wrote: »

What should your nieces do with the gifts when they are no longer needed? I'm surprised you would have any interest in it anyway, as gifts don't usually come with a list of provisos.

My MIL gave me £100 for my birthday. I have spent it on petrol and the weekly shop. Is that wrong?

Wht about, say, student books that you bought for your teen at uni and then they didn't need it? You struggled to afford it in the first place but you managed. Is that theirs? Is it yours? You can get £20 for it which means paying for a meal out for all of you as a family. Is that ok? I would say that's a good use of the money.

The only proviso for giving a gift is that it reaches the recipient. If their parent has their eye on its future resale value for their own benefit then that hasn't really happened has it?

And you can spend your £100 on whatever you want - I would hope that another relative wouldn't stake any claim on it though.

As for books, I do sometimes view these as household items rather than individual possessions - but again that would depend on whether it was bought for a specific individual (in which case they would stake a claim on its resale value) or if it was bought for the family bookshelf. Books bought for uni would most certainly be given as a gift for a particular child.

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

The only proviso for giving a gift is that it reaches the recipient. If their parent has their eye on its future resale value for their own benefit then that hasn't really happened has it?

And you can spend your £100 on whatever you want - I would hope that another relative wouldn't stake any claim on it though.

As for books, I do sometimes view these as household items rather than individual possessions - but again that would depend on whether it was bought for a specific individual (in which case they would stake a claim on its resale value) or if it was bought for the family bookshelf. Books bought for uni would most certainly be given as a gift for a particular child.

So, a book can be household, but a uni book that I buy so that my child can get a degree is a gift to them. My £100 I can use for food because even though its a present to me, I have to use it on food because I've spent the family budget on a uni book that I now have no claim to.

I can't operate like that. My child would miss out big time.

Person_one

Jagraf wrote: »

I really would like to know what people do with their kids stuff, who think its wrong not to give the money to the kids.

Well, all out stuff used to get donated to charity shops or blue peter appeals and whatnot. None of it was ever sold!

I think its only been a 'thing' in the last few years since the rise of eBay, hasn't it? Before that you'd have to make the effort to book on a car boot sale and get up at 5am if you wanted to flog your second hand toys!