Should I give my children money when I sell their things?

quidsy

onlyroz wrote: »

The same principle applies, whatever the value of the item. If I give something to a child my intention is for them to take ownership of it, and not their parents. This view that every item in a house belongs to some sort of household collective might be nice in some sort of hippy commune but most people prefer to be treated as individuals with their own tastes, preferences and possessions.

Take the example of the poster who expected to be given back old university text books once their child graduated. What if they decided that they wanted to keep it for future reference, or wanted to pass it on to a fellow student? But no, mummy has predetermined that it must be handed back for the good of the household which they have recently departed.

Nope, you are being deliberately obtuse. the thread is about toys & stuff kids discard without thought or feeling. You can mark every object little tarquin gets with magic marker & keep it forever if you so chose, or sorry, if little precious chooses, but in our house, inanimate objects have no emotional value. It is a thing, an object & once discarded, no longer played with or past it's age suitability, it goes. My house isn't some kind of hippy commune where everyone gets a vote, I clean this crap up & if I see it ignored for months & it is clogging up the house & no one wants it anymore, it goes. The money is irrelevant too, it is just money & parents have better use for it unless you are extremely luck to not live to a budget.

quidsy

onlyroz wrote: »

Why is the idea of giving your child some individual responsibility, and respecting their opinion so hilarious?

It isn't I was laughing because from that one sentence I know exactly what kind of parent you are. And good luck with it, if it works for you then great.

quidsy

Take the example of the poster who expected to be given back old university
text books once their child graduated. What if they decided that they wanted to
keep it for future reference, or wanted to pass it on to a fellow student? But
no, mummy has predetermined that it must be handed back for the good of the
household which they have recently departed.

Again you are grasping, that poster never said they would demand the book back only that if it were sitting around gathering dust they might sell it on.

lazer

sulphate wrote: »

You may not have expected it but loans and grants for university students are often means tested so their parents often subsidise them, particularly if their courses are too intense for them to get jobs in term time. My colleague and her husband earn a reasonable salary between them and as a result the loan their 18 year old gets is just about enough to cover his rent, so they do also make a contribution towards his other expenses.

I don't see why it's such a bad thing to sell old stuff that is no longer wanted/needed and use the money either towards future purchases for the child or for it to go towards general family expenses that benefit the child also. Perhaps when my baby is born I should ask his/her permission before selling their clothes they might have only worn once? :rotfl:

That being said, when my DH moved out of home he wasn't allowed to take any of his bedroom furniture with him because according to his parents it's "theirs" so it currently sits in one of their spare rooms, gathering dust whereas if he had taken it with him it would have been put to good use. Seems pointless to me.

I can't believed you would even think to take furniture from your in laws house, of course it is theirs!


I did want to take my bed when I moved out of my parents house because it was an expensive one and was the only bed that didn't hurt my back, but I was going to buy them a replacement bed so they can still have a bed in the spare room.


Do you have any spare rooms in your house - do they have furniture in them?

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

The same principle applies, whatever the value of the item. If I give something to a child my intention is for them to take ownership of it, and not their parents. This view that every item in a house belongs to some sort of household collective might be nice in some sort of hippy commune but most people prefer to be treated as individuals with their own tastes, preferences and possessions.

Take the example of the poster who expected to be given back old university text books once their child graduated. What if they decided that they wanted to keep it for future reference, or wanted to pass it on to a fellow student? But no, mummy has predetermined that it must be handed back for the good of the household which they have recently departed.

Why do you just pick out the bits that serve your "predetermined" idea. I said that you could sell an old text book sometimes and have enough for a meal out with the family. That way, you have not only given your chlild the textbook, you could get an experience together afterwards.

You, on the other hand, wouldn't have bought them the text book at all, as that comes out of their "grant".

Some textbooks cost hundreds of pounds by the way.

onlyroz

quidsy wrote: »

Nope, you are being deliberately obtuse. the thread is about toys & stuff kids discard without thought or feeling. You can mark every object little tarquin gets with magic marker & keep it forever if you so chose, or sorry, if little precious chooses, but in our house, inanimate objects have no emotional value. It is a thing, an object & once discarded, no longer played with or past it's age suitability, it goes. My house isn't some kind of hippy commune where everyone gets a vote, I clean this crap up & if I see it ignored for months & it is clogging up the house & no one wants it anymore, it goes. The money is irrelevant too, it is just money & parents have better use for it unless you are extremely luck to not live to a budget.

I think you need to go back and read the OP, which didn't talk about things discarded with no thought or feeling. It specifically mentioned video games - such things tend not to be just "discarded" - they are usually played, finished, and then traded in for a new one. We recently sold a completed game for £35, which is a significant sum towards a new game. But according to you I should be putting this money towards the gas bill rather than letting my child reinvest the proceeds towards an item of their choice.

And my six-year-old recently decided she had outgrown her duplo. I initially asked her if we should offer it to my younger niece, and she agreed. However my niece's parents are the sort who turn their nose up at second-hand toys, and so I sold it and received over £40 for the lot. My daughter then used the money to choose some more age-appropriate toys. She also learned a valuable lesson about what things are worth and that it is a good idea to look after your possessions rather than letting them get lost or broken.

onlyroz

Jagraf wrote: »

Why do you just pick out the bits that serve your "predetermined" idea. I said that you could sell an old text book sometimes and have enough for a meal out with the family. That way, you have not only given your chlild the textbook, you could get an experience together afterwards.

You, on the other hand, wouldn't have bought them the text book at all, as that comes out of their "grant".

Some textbooks cost hundreds of pounds by the way.

I know exactly what textbooks cost as I bought several as a student. I also sold on quite a few of them afterwards, and many are still sitting on my shelves now.

And when my own children reach university age I will of course ensure they are adequately funded through loans and top ups from myself. But it will be up to them to organise their budget, allocating appropriate amounts towards study materials and living costs. Adults need to be able to make these decisions for themselves.

quidsy

But according to you I should be putting this money towards the gas bill rather than letting my child reinvest the proceeds towards an item of their choice.

Said me never.

We recently sold a completed game for £35, which is a significant sum towards a
new game.

And we sold our Wii & all games & put the money towards an xbox one for the family but you don't see me looking for kind of back pat.

And my six-year-old recently decided she had outgrown her duplo. I initially asked her if we should offer it to my younger niece, and she agreed. However my niece's parents are the sort who turn their nose up at second-hand toys, and so I sold it and received over £40 for the lot. My daughter then used the money to choose some more age-appropriate toys. She also learned a valuable lesson about what things are worth and that it is a good idea to look after your possessions rather than letting them get lost or broken.

I'm doing a slow hand clap here, you are clearly a MUCH better parent than I. lol (rolls eyes & shakes head)

See my kids lesson is that things are not to be worshipped, they are just objects that provide fun & entertainment but when out of date, no longer age appropriate or just no longer wanted we don't hold onto it like some kind of talisman & that the disposal of it isn't a trigger to get something else.

Aren't I great. (insert puke smilie)

tattycath

onlyroz wrote: »

If a child's possession is no longer used then the correct approach is to consult with the child over what happens to it next. You can of course make suggestions - maybe there is a younger child who can get some use out of it, or perhaps there is a charity that you'd like to donate it to. Or if it still has monetary value then it can be sold. But the decision should be made by the child as the item belongs to them. I really don't see why you are all having such difficulty with this concept.

Devils advocate:
I give my teenager a gift. After a few months she no longer wants it. It is probably still worth a fair few quid. There is no way on this planet I would suggest that 'giving it to charity' is an option-because it isn't! Charity begins at home. The chances are she no longer wants the gift as she has either gone off it, or 'just because she's had it a while' (this happened only a few weeks ago-I asked why she doesn't want it, she says 'because I've had it a while').
The chances are she has seen something better/more expensive that she would like anyway-in which case I would tell her to keep that in mind for when I ask what she would like for her birthday etc. (money doesn't grow on trees anywhere near us and to lavish gifts on her for no apparent reason would be foolish).
I think you will find everyone has grasped the concept-it's just that everyone has a different opinion. This seems to be the thing that some people can't get their head around!

onlyroz

quidsy wrote: »

See my kids lesson is that things are not to be worshipped, they are just objects that provide fun & entertainment but when out of date, no longer age appropriate or just no longer wanted we don't hold onto it like some kind of talisman & that the disposal of it isn't a trigger to get something else.

Where have I ever described possessions as things to be worshipped? It really is quite simple - I believe a child has a right to have a say in what happens to their things. And if the thing has value then the proceeds should return to them.

But people on here seem to be of the opinion that a child has no right to posessions of their own, and are too dumb to be able to offer an opinion of what to do with things they have outgrown.