4yo sleeping in our bed - advice please

notanewuser

Janepig wrote: »

I seem to remember a thread on Christmas Eve about the ISS going over and you were hoping that your next door neighbour's children were going to be out so that your DD could "put them right" if they were going to be told it was Santa. That, imo, "took heartless to a new level". I didn't actually reply on that thread because sometimes you read something that makes you so incensed that it's best just not to say anything. Good job you're not my neighbour because if you're DD ruined my children's Christmas fun then I'd be putting you right!!

So there's no need for the smug judgement just because someone does something different with their kids than you do, you're not perfect!! Neither am I. And I'd far rather spend time with someone who actually tells their kids off than someone who doesn't.

Jx

I think your memory recall is wrong. I was actually concerned that if the neighbours kids were out looking for Santa and DD got as excited as she usually does she would let the cat out of the bag.

As it happened she was the only child out there, and it was only when an adult asked if she was out to see santa that she put the right.

Also interested to know where I've said that I don't tell DD off......... I haven't intentionally judged either. I've laid out some science that might make for uncomfortable reading for some, but that's very much in the eye of the beholder.

elsien

GwylimT wrote: »

Why can't your partner carry them to bed?

Probably because he's lying there, not moving a muscle, eyes tight shut, pretending that he's fast asleep for all he's worth.

Janepig

notanewuser wrote: »

I think your memory recall is wrong. I was actually concerned that if the neighbours kids were out looking for Santa and DD got as excited as she usually does she would let the cat out of the bag.

As it happened she was the only child out there, and it was only when an adult asked if she was out to see santa that she put the right.

Also interested to know where I've said that I don't tell DD off......... I haven't intentionally judged either. I've laid out some science that might make for uncomfortable reading for some, but that's very much in the eye of the beholder.

Sorry Nanu - I don't usually do this but my recall's not wrong :

I'm part hoping that none of the neighbours' kids are out looking at the ISS tonight. We always watch it with DD and she gets very excited about it. If the neighbours are following the "it's santa" bullcarp DD will soon put them right.

We all do stuff that others wouldn't do - I've ripped DS's homework up in front of him and made him do it again when he's been sloppy (I know it's nothing else than sloppyness, he's well capable). He'll either end up thanking me or rocking in a corner of a psychiatric ward, that's the chance I've taken.

What you've done is put your point across (which I've always admired you for, whether I've agreed or not) in a way that comes across as "I'm right, you're wrong". I'm sure that's not intentional, but that's how it feels.

Jx

notanewuser

Janepig wrote: »

Sorry Nanu - I don't usually do this but my recall's not wrong :

I'm part hoping that none of the neighbours' kids are out looking at the ISS tonight. We always watch it with DD and she gets very excited about it. If the neighbours are following the "it's santa" bullcarp DD will soon put them right.

We all do stuff that others wouldn't do - I've ripped DS's homework up in front of him and made him do it again when he's been sloppy (I know it's nothing else than sloppyness, he's well capable). He'll either end up thanking me or rocking in a corner of a psychiatric ward, that's the chance I've taken.

What you've done is put your point across (which I've always admired you for, whether I've agreed or not) in a way that comes across as "I'm right, you're wrong". I'm sure that's not intentional, but that's how it feels.

Jx

I was "part hoping" because I could see (on FB and elsewhere) how many parents were excited about taking their kids outside to watch "santa" on xmas eve and how much the kids might enjoy it. If DD wanted to believe it was santa that would have been fine too. Knowing how much DD knows about the ISS it was unlikely that she'd keep quiet when it went over. And I didn't want her "putting them right". Does that make sense?!

I've been horrified by the "advice" given out routinely by health professionals. My neighbour is training to be a health visitor and is pregnant - she's very definite that she won't be following the advice herself! A friend (not close) trained her daughter to sleep alone not just with CIO, but by fittings lock to the outside of her daughter's bedroom door so that she couldn't get out. Her reason - happy mum, happy child. She could sit downstairs drinking wine instead of comforting her child.

I never intend to be prescriptive of judgemental - parenthood is hard and there are choices to make - but not everybody is aware that some of those choices only occur because somebody wants to sell a book, and not because it offers the best option for the child.

jetplane

One thing that hasn't changed through research, studies or academic achievement is the willingness for women to criticise mothers on how they raise their children, discipline or not, co sleeping or not, allowed to cry or not, fed on demand or not etc etc.

The majority of mothers do their best and all children respond differently. Yet any request for help can so easily turn into a b1tchfest. Why do women undermine each other in this way?

CathG78

McKneff wrote: »

Cruel, shame on you, how any parent can be cruel to a precious child is beyond me.


Effiicient,, we will see, he will remember and in years to come you could be suffering an adolescent who has had to cope with a mother being cruel to him. Wait for it.....


And lets face it, you caused the problem at the very start by co sleeping...

And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the exact reason we have children these days who think they are more important than life itself. Badly behaved children coming from homes where Little Billy gets treated like a snowflake.

I co-slept because I was poorly, judge me all you like. I was physically unable to breastfeed him from his crib (yes, this cruel mother, breastfed her poor child for 10 months despite being ill and even had him brought into the hospital every day that I was in there so I could continue to breastfeed him - refusing painkillers in order I could continue breastfeeding him).

Is he sleeping in his own bed now? Yes. Do I think he will be a traumatised teen because I forced him out of my bed? No. I expect he will be a well balanced and realistic young adult because he wasn't under the impression that he was fluffy.

Some people really ought to get off their soapboxes, and you my little spark of sunshine, are one of them.

CathG78

jetplane wrote: »

One thing that hasn't changed through research, studies or academic achievement is the willingness for women to criticise mothers on how they raise their children, discipline or not, co sleeping or not, allowed to cry or not, fed on demand or not etc etc.

The majority of mothers do their best and all children respond differently. Yet any request for help can so easily turn into a b1tchfest. Why do women undermine each other in this way?

Absolutely right. The poor woman asked a simple question. Either answer it with your own view or stay out of it. The original poster can then choose to go with the view that suits her own beliefs or what suits her best and there's a solution. Jeez. Poor woman only asked a fairly simple question.

notanewuser

jetplane wrote: »

One thing that hasn't changed through research, studies or academic achievement is the willingness for women to criticise mothers on how they raise their children, discipline or not, co sleeping or not, allowed to cry or not, fed on demand or not etc etc.

The majority of mothers do their best and all children respond differently. Yet any request for help can so easily turn into a b1tchfest. Why do women undermine each other in this way?

I think we should be more involved in how children are raised. It affects all of us.

Wonder if there are any tribes in the Amazon or on the plains of Africa following Gina Ford.........

kerri_gt

notanewuser wrote: »

Wow. I chewed my 4 year old's teacher out for telling her only babies sucked their thumbs. You just took heartless to a whole new level.

I'm quite sure I got told similar things about thumb sucking, I stopped, in my own time no matter what anyone said (although still revert to it if I'm really ill or tired...and I'm in my 30's now ) I can honestly say it hasn't traumatised me for life - and thankfully I didn't damage my teeth.

notanewuser

kerri_gt wrote: »

I'm quite sure I got told similar things about thumb sucking, I stopped, in my own time no matter what anyone said (although still revert to it if I'm really ill or tired...and I'm in my 30's now ) I can honestly say it hasn't traumatised me for life - and thankfully I didn't damage my teeth.

I'll support the teacher in matters of crowd control etc. If DD needs to be told not to do something at school then that's fine. But the thumb sucking affects nobody but DD, and while it's not something I encourage, it's her comfort and helps her when she's tired etc. I thought the teacher crossed a line there.

The dentist mentions it very gently when we visit. DD knows that if she wants to suck her thumb she must have clean(isn) hands. We're happy with that as her parents. I must ask her whether she sucks it at school still.