4yo sleeping in our bed - advice please

MrsSippi

I think I have posted about this ages ago but couldn't find the old thread to add too, sorry.

Our daughter has just turned 4 (in the last couple of weeks) and she has been coming into our bed every night which obviously I want to put a stop to but I'm not sure how.

Basically she will go to sleep in her bed without any problems whatsoever and when I explain that this is her special bed and it's where she sleeps etc etc she understands and is quite happy but fast forward to the middle of the night and she wakes up and wanders in to our room. She does it almost in a daze then climbs in and promptly nods off. When I caught her doing it I would carry her back to her own bed and settle her down and she would stay there until the morning. However I am now 5 months pregnant so cannot lift her. If I wake her up enough for her to walk back to bed she gets upset. I did put the baby gate up in her room for a while which did work but she has started to use the toilet at night (albeit only a couple of times - she still uses night time pullups) so I don't really want to do this. I did think about trying to put the baby gate up in our room so she can't come in but I don't know if that's a good idea.

I am keen to get this sorted before the baby arrives, esp as I am having a c-section so do not want to risk being knocked in the stomach during the night (which frequently happens)! Any thoughts/suggestions would be much appreciated.

onlyroz

Could you either close your own door or put a potty in her room for use at night? You could also try a reward chart, where she gets a sticker for each night that she doesn't disturb you.

notanewuser

MrsSippi wrote: »

I think I have posted about this ages ago but couldn't find the old thread to add too, sorry.

Our daughter has just turned 4 (in the last couple of weeks) and she has been coming into our bed every night which obviously I want to put a stop to but I'm not sure how.

Basically she will go to sleep in her bed without any problems whatsoever and when I explain that this is her special bed and it's where she sleeps etc etc she understands and is quite happy but fast forward to the middle of the night and she wakes up and wanders in to our room. She does it almost in a daze then climbs in and promptly nods off. When I caught her doing it I would carry her back to her own bed and settle her down and she would stay there until the morning. However I am now 5 months pregnant so cannot lift her. If I wake her up enough for her to walk back to bed she gets upset. I did put the baby gate up in her room for a while which did work but she has started to use the toilet at night (albeit only a couple of times - she still uses night time pullups) so I don't really want to do this. I did think about trying to put the baby gate up in our room so she can't come in but I don't know if that's a good idea.

I am keen to get this sorted before the baby arrives, esp as I am having a c-section so do not want to risk being knocked in the stomach during the night (which frequently happens)! Any thoughts/suggestions would be much appreciated.

Can somebody sleep in her room with her until she's through this? My daughter is 4 as well and goes though phases of coming in with us if she's having a development leap or is poorly etc. She soon switches to not. (Might be worth getting her out of those pull ups at night though - going to be much harder to do with a new baby.)

CathG78

I co-slept with my son from being born and ended up with the same problem. In the end, purely from desperation, I told him that as he still slept in my bed, he wasn't allowed to start school because he wasn't a big boy. I also told him he had to tell his friends that he wasn't going to school because he still slept in with mummy.

He stopped that night and hasn't done it since.

Cruel? Yes. Efficient? Yes.

notanewuser

CathG78 wrote: »

I co-slept with my son from being born and ended up with the same problem. In the end, purely from desperation, I told him that as he still slept in my bed, he wasn't allowed to start school because he wasn't a big boy. I also told him he had to tell his friends that he wasn't going to school because he still slept in with mummy.

He stopped that night and hasn't done it since.

Cruel? Yes. Efficient? Yes.

Wow. I chewed my 4 year old's teacher out for telling her only babies sucked their thumbs. You just took heartless to a whole new level.

McKneff

CathG78 wrote: »

I co-slept with my son from being born and ended up with the same problem. In the end, purely from desperation, I told him that as he still slept in my bed, he wasn't allowed to start school because he wasn't a big boy. I also told him he had to tell his friends that he wasn't going to school because he still slept in with mummy.

He stopped that night and hasn't done it since.

Cruel? Yes. Efficient? Yes.

Cruel, shame on you, how any parent can be cruel to a precious child is beyond me.


Effiicient,, we will see, he will remember and in years to come you could be suffering an adolescent who has had to cope with a mother being cruel to him. Wait for it.....


And lets face it, you caused the problem at the very start by co sleeping...

georgie262

Gosh I could have written this post except my LO is 3yo (but too big to be in our bed). Up until about 6 months ago he was in our bed at some point in the night almost every night. He was back last night keeping us both up with his little elbows and tossing and turning but on the whole now he is much better at sleeping in his bed. We kick started it with bribery (Naughty I know) "Do you want to have Nanny and Grandad stay with us tomorrow" kind of thing (they were coming anyway and then when he managed to go the full night we just made the biggest fuss of him ever - you are such a big boy! Wow Mummy and daddy are so proud of you - wait till we tell grandad and then if he had ended up in our bed the night we wouldn't make a massive deal of it we'd just say ooooh that wasn't getting it right was it? Show us what a big boy you are tonight instead.
I can't profess that it has been a massive success but it's definitely much better than it was and some nights you just cant be bothered to fight it can you. We're moving house soon too so it'll either get better or worse I'm sure. But like you I'll be having a c-section in 3.5 months and it can't go on

[Deleted User]

notanewuser wrote: »

Wow. I chewed my 4 year old's teacher out for telling her only babies sucked their thumbs. You just took heartless to a whole new level.

We've always found the best way to stop this sort of behaviour is by really coming down hard on it. Stuff like them going to bed, then trying to mess around once we've gone downstairs. We'll go all sergeant major on them... they'll run to bed and not come out until the morning.

If my 3 year old tried getting into bed with us in the middle of the night; they'd be yelled at, marched back to bed crying and we'd keep doing it until they learned where they sleep (Obviously, if they were poorly we wouldn't do this).

notanewuser

McKneff wrote: »

And lets face it, you caused the problem at the very start by co sleeping...

Could not disagree with this bit more. Cosleeping (safely) is a wonderful thing for a baby, and often into toddlerhood and early childhood too. I love sleeping with DD but she chose to go into her own room most of the time from about age 2. There's no reason that starting cosleeping will lead to problems later on. Its a fabulous thing for their brain and emotional development.

notanewuser

ringo_24601 wrote: »

We've always found the best way to stop this sort of behaviour is by really coming down hard on it. Stuff like them going to bed, then trying to mess around once we've gone downstairs. We'll go all sergeant major on them... they'll run to bed and not come out until the morning.

If my 3 year old tried getting into bed with us in the middle of the night; they'd be yelled at, marched back to bed crying and we'd keep doing it until they learned where they sleep (Obviously, if they were poorly we wouldn't do this).

Poor wee boys. They're humans, not dogs.

Blindsided_2

Wish I could offer a solution but both my girls gave slept in with me, my first eventually stopped when she turned around 6, my youngest is almost 5 and loves sleeping in with me, she sleeps so much better! Yes it's not the most comfortable thing for me and at times I think it would be great to have some space! But... They are only little for a short time, my eldest is 12 and wouldn't dream of sleeping in my bed now! I roll with it and have to admit I enjoy the snuggles!
I certainly wouldn't tell either of my kids off, if being in with me makes them feel safe and secure, well that's my job! ( just my opinion, I know many people don't agree and you have to do what's right for you)