Dating opinions please

HPoirot

freshstart11 wrote: »

I know someone who was assaulted when younger,...she took six months of dating before ANY contact. It may be something in her past holding off or may not be interested as much as you are. It's your choice if she is worth the risk.

However if I was her the more you asked me less chance you would get!

All very well and good but I wouldn't be going on 11 dates and keep saying no to a snog. As a previous OP has said, I wouldn't be going on a date with someone I wouldn't want to snog.

SailorSam

freshstart11 wrote: »

It may be something in her past holding off or may not be interested as much as you are. It's your choice if she is worth the risk.

If that was the case, you'd hope that after 11 dates the lady would feel comfortable enough to say something. She needn't give loads of details just enough to ask the Op to be patient with her.

Brighton_belle

freshstart11 wrote: »

I know someone who was assaulted when younger,...she took six months of dating before ANY contact. It may be something in her past holding off or may not be interested as much as you are. It's your choice if she is worth the risk.

However if I was her the more you asked me less chance you would get!

Which sounds like game playing. It is neither unnatural or unreasonable to hope for a kiss after 11 dates: the idea of withholding as a form of punishment for daring to be honest would not bode well for future sexual happiness in this relationship IMO.

If the trauma of past assault is behind this , as per the experience you quote, the I would expect this to have been very clearly communicated early in the 'relationship' so the potential new partner could understand the reasoning and make choices themselves, which includes the chance to be very patient and understanding.

TopQuark

Spot on Brighton Belle, very well articulated.

Barny1979

bossymoo wrote: »

Sounds odd to me too. As a lady of comparable age, I would pretty much know within 4-5 dates if I really liked someone. And would hopefully have had a snog by then (as I agree, a god snog is a very good indicator, of physical compatibility).

I wouldn't want to lead someone on, and by date 11 it should either a) be over and done with if one didn't like the other or b) be progressing to a "ok we are dating exclusively now ".

But then I'm not one for messing around and playing daft games. Life is too short!

My thoughts completely, thank you.

FBaby

Surely it is obvious! She thinks you are a good prospect, a good guys after having been messed around, solvent, reliable etc..., she quite likes you but... she doesn't find you attractive, so she is continuing to go out on dates hoping that the physical attraction florishes for her. In a way, she is right because sometimes, attraction can come as you get to know someone better and if she thinks you're a great guys, it is worth giving it a go, but 11 dates... she really needs to ask herself whether it is fair to continue hoping if there is nothing there at all, so much so that she can't even contemplate a snog.

DKLS

SailorSam wrote: »

Who said romance is dead ?

Whilst I wouldn't expect to have intimate knowledge of a lady early on, if there is no sign of a snog after reaching double digit dates its time to walk away.

Buzzybee90

It's just a kiss though, life isn't like in the movies.

What about a peck on the lips?

VfM4meplse

Either the OP is winding us up, being taken for a ride, or quite possibly the person they are dating is inexperienced in the art of the snog? In which case learning might be fun.

Has there been any voluntary physical affection? Touching knees, holding hands etc?

purpleshoes_2

The issue with not kissing is also that as long as there's no kissing, theres unlikely to be any progression to being more intimate.

It's not really dating that's going on at the moment, it's just two people who like one another hanging out.

I know that some couples aren't particularly demonstrative, but the beginning of a relationship is generally the you can't keep your hands off one another stage. Doesn't need to be date 1, but by date 11 and not even a kiss, it's heading nowhere.