Brother in Law is Upset with Us

ecgirl07

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Whilst I can see where you're coming from, if you post on an open forum stating that someone is naffed off with you because of a present you've given them then your personal circumstances do play a part in it.

So if you're a bankrupt and a £1 present (or in this case a recycled present) is all you can afford then people could reassure you its the thought that counts.

There's many a thread on mse where people have 'bragged' about how much they've saved/earned and then posted another thread whereby claiming poverty

So past posts put a current post in perspective imo

When relevant. Read back the comments around the historic posts "mooching off family" questions about not being able to afford their baby. It wasn't nice relevant or not.

thorsoak

I'm gobsmacked at just how many people are so far "up their own backsides" that they can judge others on the gifting or not of a chocolate orange - out of date or not - for his 30th birthday!

What a sense of entitlement is enjoyed by so many people! "Because I'm worth it" is not a mantra that is really relevant to real life.

Takeaway_Addict

Fredula wrote: »

I'm just after a bit of advice really. It's nothing major, but I just wondered people's opinions.

A bit of background - hubby and I currently live with my parents - he moved in when I had a (unplanned, but well loved) little boy. My son is 3 years old this month. Since I was about 18 (now 25), I've been saving very hard to get on the property ladder, and since hubby moved in, we've been saving together. Just before Christmas we signed on the dotted line and now have a house of our own which is due to have all sorts of work done to it - currently being rewired, having a damp proof course carried out next week, having the roof's valley renewed, have a woodworm treatment done, and the whole house (except extension kitchen and bathroom) has to be re plastered. Clearly we have a lot of expenses going on at the moment.

So, my brother in law was 30 over Christmas and he's told MIL that he's really disappointed that for his 30th birthday, all we got him was a chocolate orange. She's tried explaining to him about the expenses buying a house comes with, but he's still got the hump with us.

I don't buy expensive presents for people. I never have. Growing up my family used to just spend £10 on eachother (if that!) and that was it. Personally, I don't see the point in buying expensive presents for people, or visa versa. I don't expect to get a present off of anyone, and me and my brother stopped buying Christmas presents/birthday presents for eachother about 2 years ago. The only reason I buy BIL one is because he lives with MIL and I feel guilty for not buying MIL and FIL a present so I buy them something and because he lives with them, I feel compelled to buy him something too.

So yes, he's got the hump, and I don't know whether to talk to him about it or just leave it. I don't want him to resent us, but if I talk to him, it might drop MIL in it because he spoke to her about it and now hubby and I both know. What would you guys do, would you say anything to try and explain? Or would you just leave it? Am I wrong? Should I have bought him something?

You should be ashamed really....no thought at all.

As posters have said before, some thought into a cheap present would have gone a long way

purpleshoes_2

ecgirl07 wrote: »

First 8 pages of this is an old fashioned families board lynching. Looking up pasts posts to disparage the op about their life choices. Borderline bullying.

Ive seen far far worse and seen people be on the receiving end of a hell of a lot worse on here and on other sections of the forum.

If someone puts a question up about whether they think regifting a choc orange for a 30th birthday is appropriate while recently posting about how much money they've been saving and gifted, if some people think that makes the OP a bit tight, that's their opinion.

The same as the people who think the bro is a whiny whiny brat, again their opinion.

purpleshoes_2

thorsoak wrote: »

I'm gobsmacked at just how many people are so far "up their own backsides" that they can judge others on the gifting or not of a chocolate orange - out of date or not - for his 30th birthday!

What a sense of entitlement is enjoyed by so many people! "Because I'm worth it" is not a mantra that is really relevant to real life.

How does disagreeing with the OP mean someone is up their own backside?

Some posters are saying the OP is getting a hard time, yet people who think her and her husband are tight are up their own backside.

Of course people judge, people do it all the time on this forum. I've seen you do it when other people have posted. I've seen tons of people do it on here day in day out. Making judgements on situations is human nature, online and offline. Anyone who says they never make a judgement on another person or a situation ever is talking out of their backsides.

So what's the difference? Because you have sympathy with the OP and I think she's been tight that makes me up my own backside and I have a sense of entitlement?

I hope you apply that to every single person on the forum including the next time you cross words with any poster on here you don't agree with.

What is the point of being on a forum where everyone has to agree all the time? That would be ridiculous.

If you look all over this site, people disagree with one another all the time, day in and day out.

But for some reason if people do it on here, it seems to be a big deal. I don't get it. You post a thread, you expect some people to agree and you expect some people to disagree.

pickledonionspaceraider

In context of the situation, no it isn't ''tight' to swap presents of equal value.

Many family members swap presents of equal value , whether it is £2 or £100.

He gives you malteasers, you give him a chocolate orange. Fair enough


Don't see the drama really

fizz

thorsoak wrote: »

I'm gobsmacked at just how many people are so far "up their own backsides" that they can judge others on the gifting or not of a chocolate orange - out of date or not - for his 30th birthday!

What a sense of entitlement is enjoyed by so many people! "Because I'm worth it" is not a mantra that is really relevant to real life.

Above is the voice of reason. :beer:

notanewuser

Wonder what will be coming to the OP from the BIL as a housewarming present.........

BigAunty

My brother used to buy me a bottle of the cheapest wine from the cheapest supermarket at Xmas (the next one up from the gut rot sold in cartons) while posting pictures of his festive cellar of single malt whiskies, finest rums and vintage champagne on Facebook and boasting about the luxury long-haul holiday he had booked.

To be honest, this didn't bother me in the slightest. Hand on heart, I never felt insulted at receiving a bottle of £1.99 wine (or more likely to be £1.32 as it regularly forms part of a 3 for 2 offer).

One Xmas, he actually re-gifted me the present I bought him the previous year, a non flashy brand of champagne from Majestic that was my favourite, that has excellent reviews.

Presumably this was to show me that he only drinks Dom Perignon and Moet and it didn't meet his status requirements (perhaps he was not aware that it was a medal winner that retails at £30 a bottle when bought singly). Perhaps he forgot I gave it to him or perhaps he is a serial re-gifter of drinks that he has received and which he believes to be too cheap to drink himself.

That didn't get such a graceful reaction.

thorsoak

notanewuser wrote: »

Wonder what will be coming to the OP from the BIL as a housewarming present.........

Bottle of (cheap) washing up liquid? Or 2 (v cheap) loo rolls?