Brother in Law is Upset with Us

Lily-Rose_3

purpleshoes wrote: »

People moan about things all the time, small things, even if they have bigger things going on, it's human nature.

A bit tight? Its jaw droppingly tight

A couple of ways they could have handled this

1 Given nothing because they don't really do presents
2 Explained they were skint due to the work needing done on the house and taken him for a drink, meal when they did
3 Buy a cheap poundland/home bargains present and a card
4 Given just a card
5 What they did

Regifting a choc orange isn't just tight, it smacks of, couldn't really be bothered so we just gave you this and that is what the BIL might be upset about, not the choc orange, but the clear message behind the gift they gave.

Gonna have to agree to differ purpleshoes. I really disagree with you on this one.

I think the BIL is a childish and bratty whingebag who I am under the impression would not have been happy with ANYthing unless it cost more than twenty quid. I mean he went running to mommy FGS to say 'look at the rubbish pressie they got me mommy! How DARE they?!' Are you seriously endorsing this behaviour?! Does he not think that the OP and her partner may be struggling financially or trying to save? Or is he so blinkered and so privileged that he does not see it (or does not care!)

And do you seriously believe that a man who whinged to mommy about getting a Terrys Chocolate Orange (that he did NOT know was regifted by the way!) would have settled for a gift from poundland or home bargains or settled for 'just a card..' PMSL not likely! This man is clearly a spoilt brat.

I have met this type before, and he sounds like that type. All want want want and moan moan moan if they don't get it! Many people (me included) would have been happy with a Terry's chocolate orange for a gift, because some people (like me) are grateful for anything. As I said, some people expect more. I don't.

My daughter got a box of maltesers from an aunt for Christmas when she was 10, and was really chuffed and ate them in one sitting. My cousin's daughter (who is 6 months older than mine,) had the same gift from the same aunt and she went mental. Screaming that it was an insult, and that people SHE knows have their aunt spend at least 20 quid spent on them at Christmas. She threw the gift in the bin.

This is the glaring difference between my daughter and my cousin's daughter. My daughter is gracious and polite when she receives a gift, no matter what it is. My cousin's daughter is a spoilt brat. Sounds like the OP's BIL is too.

I seriously can't believe that people are defending this childish man's actions, and saying he had a RIGHT to be upset. LOL, no he did not. People need to get this situation into perspective. He is incredibly childish and petty, and needs to grow up!

As I said, we will have to agree to differ.

I am actually done on this thread now. It's been hilarious and entertaining, but I (and everyone else really!) are just going over the same ground, and repeating what we have already said. I am not going to change my opinion no matter what anyone else says, and I doubt anyone else is going to either!

So toodle pip.

purpleshoes_2

The words the OP used was really disappointed. That's all, I don't think its the worst thing to say. If someone bought me a choc orange for my birthday and I said to my mum in the passing, someone gave me a choc orange for my birthday, the date is nearly up, that wouldn't make me a bratty whingebag, it would just mean I was saying how I felt.

The posts that have been quoted about the OP saving, which she has been for a number of years, saving £900 a month and living off the other, is it not possible that they could have saved 10 pounds from one month of the 900 pound being saved to buy a present?

I actually can't remember the last time I had 900 pounds a month disposable income full stop. Even when I was working full time for an employer which I did for numerous years, my wages were never high enough that after rent and bills I had 900 pounds left. Ever.

I still managed to get my mum, brother, gran when she was alive and assorted friends presents that cost more than a regifted terrys choc orange.

It's fine to disagree, but as I said before, I think the OP and her husband have been saving cash so long, they are now struggling to part with it on anything apart from bills and essentials and I don't think that's a good thing.

She works a 48 hour week and can only afford to give a regifted choc orange? Her husband works the same?

I remember a few years ago a ex boyfriend of mine gave me a 99p card at christmas (with the price still attached on the card). He wasn't skint, he just couldn't be arsed buying me anything. Sometimes you know the difference.

Was I upset? Yes. Did that make me a spoilt whiny ungrateful brat? No. It was just how I felt.

SuzieSue

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Gonna have to agree to differ purpleshoes. I really disagree with you on this one.

I think the BIL is a childish and bratty whingebag who I am under the impression would not have been happy with ANYthing unless it cost more than twenty quid. I mean he went running to mommy FGS to say 'look at the rubbish pressie they got me mommy! How DARE they?!' Are you seriously endorsing this behaviour?! Does he not think that the OP and her partner may be struggling financially or trying to save? Or is he so blinkered and so privileged that he does not see it (or does not care!)

And do you seriously believe that a man who whinged to mommy about getting a Terrys Chocolate Orange (that he did NOT know was regifted by the way!) would have settled for a gift from poundland or home bargains or settled for 'just a card..' PMSL not likely! This man is clearly a spoilt brat.

I have met this type before, and he sounds like that type. All want want want and moan moan moan if they don't get it! Many people (me included) would have been happy with a Terry's chocolate orange for a gift, because some people (like me) are grateful for anything. As I said, some people expect more. I don't.

My daughter got a box of maltesers from an aunt for Christmas when she was 10, and was really chuffed and ate them in one sitting. My cousin's daughter (who is 6 months older than mine,) had the same gift from the same aunt and she went mental. Screaming that it was an insult, and that people SHE knows have their aunt spend at least 20 quid spent on them at Christmas. She threw the gift in the bin.

This is the glaring difference between my daughter and my cousin's daughter. My daughter is gracious and polite when she receives a gift, no matter what it is. My cousin's daughter is a spoilt brat. Sounds like the OP's BIL is too.

I seriously can't believe that people are defending this childish man's actions, and saying he had a RIGHT to be upset. LOL, no he did not. People need to get this situation into perspective. He is incredibly childish and petty, and needs to grow up!

As I said, we will have to agree to differ.

I am actually done on this thread now. It's been hilarious and entertaining, but I (and everyone else really!) are just going over the same ground, and repeating what we have already said. I am not going to change my opinion no matter what anyone else says, and I doubt anyone else is going to either!

So toodle pip.

I totally agree with this. When I told my husband about the thread he asked if he could have the chocolate orange as we don't bother with presents and so he doesn't get anything at all.

notanewuser

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Gonna have to agree to differ purpleshoes. I really disagree with you on this one.

I think the BIL is a childish and bratty whingebag who I am under the impression would not have been happy with ANYthing unless it cost more than twenty quid. I mean he went running to mommy FGS to say 'look at the rubbish pressie they got me mommy! How DARE they?!' Are you seriously endorsing this behaviour?! Does he not think that the OP and her partner may be struggling financially or trying to save? Or is he so blinkered and so privileged that he does not see it (or does not care!)

Wow! That's extrapolation to a level never seen before! What if it happened like this:

MIL: Have you had a good birthday, son?
BIL: Yes thanks. Although the present from my brother is a bit odd.
MIL: Odd? What was it?
BIL: A chocolate orange. Hasn't got long on it's best before date either.
MIL: What????

So MIL, no doubt knowing exactly how much the OP and her other son have been saving by living with the parents, and all the free childcare she's given over the years, decides that it's a bloody cheek and says something to OP's OH about it.


As he's still at home at 30 maybe the BIL isn't earning much, and was miffed as he always made an effort the other way around.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

And do you seriously believe that a man who whinged to mommy about getting a Terrys Chocolate Orange (that he did NOT know was regifted by the way!) would have settled for a gift from poundland or home bargains or settled for 'just a card..' PMSL not likely! This man is clearly a spoilt brat.

<Lots more uninformed ranting and supposition>

He's clearly nothing. If he was disappointed by the gift I suspect he was suicidal when the OP messaged him to say "sorry about the gift, we just gave you what was left over from xmas".

(I recall a similar incident aged around 11. My sister, then 8, had football practice. I was cross at having to wait at school to walk her home afterwards. Dad had given us 20p each for sweets on the way back. Sister came out, saw my bad mood, walloped me around the face with her kit - breaking my nose - then took my 20p to buy a packet of pocket tissues from the shop for the bleeding. I asked her why she'd done it and she said "I was trying to cheer you up". :huh:

Thinking about it she's pretty self-centred like the OP too.:thinks:)

pollypenny

Yet another seeing the BIL's point of view.

Surely to goodness this couple could have managed a tenner gift voucher for the guy's BIG birthday? Smacks of selfishness to pass on what's basically little more than a bar of chocolate!

I bet that, amongst all the necessary spends on their house, there'll be a few frills or fancy bits.

I hope they don't ask BIL for any help in moving in. :cool:

duchy

This resonated a bit.
It appears the OP buys pocket money presents because she doesn't really understand the value of money or giving. She boasted about saving £900 a month out of an £1800 income whilst paying no rent- Hardly "doing it tough".

I did wonder what kind of wedding gifts she got from the BIL and gifts for her child. Maybe he gave them a tube of Smarties for a wedding present !!!!!

Spendless wrote: »

It's not always about what present you receive it's also about who gives it to you.

It's my Mums 70th birthday tomorrow, let's say she receives a chocolate orange from the below relatives, how she'd react is different with each one

her grandkids- thrilled to bits knowing they have used their own pocket money to go and buy this themselves.

me or my Dad, (her daughter husband) pretty much reacts like BIL has, thinks it's not very well thought out. I suspect she'd be more annoyed with my Dad though

Nan (her Mum- who has dementia) - lots of mixed emotions, including being surprised and pleased Nan remembered, saddened that her condition makes it she buys 'pocket money' presents in the same way her grandkids would

barbiedoll

thorsoak wrote: »

Frankly, I am shocked at the number of people who think that it was "offensive" to give a chocolate orange as a token Christmas present to a 30-year old!

Frankly, I'm shocked at the number of people who would actually check the date on a chocolate orange. Like it matters!

Calien

I know what it's like to have a big birthday on the horizon and not having a lot of spare cash the spend, but re-gifting a chocolate orange is just really tight.

My brother turned 30 last year, I didn't have much spare money because I'd just had my daughter, now my brother is normally one for fairly fancy things, which I obviously could not afford, so I got him a cheap (£6 from Asda) novelty t-shirt, he loved it, he wears it all the time.

The BIL isn't being a brat because he isn't thrilled with getting a present with no thought behind it. Even buying something really cheap would have been more personal.

Also, and I can't believe I finally have somewhere to tell this story, my ex gave me a half eaten chocolate orange as a present once...I suppose receiving a full, wrapped one is slightly better than that :rotfl:

purpleshoes_2

Calien wrote: »

I know what it's like to have a big birthday on the horizon and not having a lot of spare cash the spend, but re-gifting a chocolate orange is just really tight.

My brother turned 30 last year, I didn't have much spare money because I'd just had my daughter, now my brother is normally one for fairly fancy things, which I obviously could not afford, so I got him a cheap (£6 from Asda) novelty t-shirt, he loved it, he wears it all the time.

The BIL isn't being a brat because he isn't thrilled with getting a present with no thought behind it. Even buying something really cheap would have been more personal.

Also, and I can't believe I finally have somewhere to tell this story, my ex gave me a half eaten chocolate orange as a present once...I suppose receiving a full, wrapped one is slightly better than that :rotfl:

That just beats my 99p xmas card with the price tag still on it.

Funny that they are both exes now:rotfl:

theoretica

I am not persuaded that many of the suggestions here of spend a fiver/tenner would actually have improved matters that much. The real issue was a lack of thought about him. With thought and time you and your husband could have made or found something he would have appreciated more than the cost (as suggested above, perhaps a home baked and specially decorated cake). Without thought, whatever you give will often be appreciated less than the cost.