Any Abuse Survivors on Here? Help Required Please

bluelass

I have kept this issue bottled up within for many years now. Yesterday evening I had to come across the person who did this (and to my mum and brother too) I let slip I had been having counselling with a therapist and they have offered me hypnotherapy to help refresh my memories the person responsible immediately looked at me with a evil stare and told me I would lose everything myself andmy hubby worked for if I said anything wrong. I am in bits he is good at talking himself out of things and I just know he wwill do his best to get my mum and brother to back him they have no choice they are scared of him. My brother attempted suicide in 2012 after our gran died because the abuser kept her from him. This is very real and im not doing this for attention I need advice from those in the know. I cant afford to lose my home and savings.

j.e.j.

bluelass wrote: »

I have kept this issue bottled up within for many years now. Yesterday evening I had to come across the person who did this (and to my mum and brother too) I let slip I had been having counselling with a therapist and they have offered me hypnotherapy to help refresh my memories the person responsible immediately looked at me with a evil stare and told me I would lose everything myself and my hubby worked for if I said anything wrong. I am in bits he is good at talking himself out of things and I just know he wwill do his best to get my mum and brother to back him they have no choice they are scared of him. My brother attempted suicide in 2012 after our gran died because the abuser kept her from him. This is very real and im not doing this for attention I need advice from those in the know. I cant afford to lose my home and savings.

Your dad, by any chance?

How often do you encounter this person? You can't draw a line under things if he is still in the picture, making threats.

bluelass

Yes it is (I cant call him dad it pains me to have to call him that). He thinke he is well above the law, im not Asian or muslim but he hates me for marrying someone he didn't choose and he is jealous of my hubby and he was of any man I met or spoke to previously. He hit my mum in front of me and my brother once a neighbour called police when she heared him shouting he saw them coming up our path and told us all to back him up or else. He had a crush on my uncles eldest daughter and when she ignored him he called her !!!!!! and my uncle detests him they didn't speak at my grans funeral and him and my aunt only call now and again to see my mum and bro. im really concerned for them both my mum now has a kind of dementia and heart problem (caused by him probably) and my brother who is now 34 (2 years younger than me) is well afraid to speak out even when he attempted suicide he covered for the !!!!!! and my so called dad told him what to say to the counsellor at the hospital he probably threatened him too. Even my hubby heared him threaten me yesterday when I mentioned seeing a therapist he said I would get time and lose our home and savings. When I first met my hub he had him followed and my hub had to tell him to back off he is evil and scum.

bluelass

bluelass wrote: »

Yes it is (I cant call him dad it pains me to have to call him that). He thinke he is well above the law, im not Asian or muslim but he hates me for marrying someone he didn't choose and he is jealous of my hubby and he was of any man I met or spoke to previously. He hit my mum in front of me and my brother once a neighbour called police when she heared him shouting he saw them coming up our path and told us all to back him up or else. He had a crush on my uncles eldest daughter and when she ignored him he called her !!!!!! and my uncle detests him they didn't speak at my grans funeral and him and my aunt only call now and again to see my mum and bro. im really concerned for them both my mum now has a kind of dementia and heart problem (caused by him probably) and my brother who is now 34 (2 years younger than me) is well afraid to speak out even when he attempted suicide he covered for the !!!!!! and my so called dad told him what to say to the counsellor at the hospital he probably threatened him too. Even my hubby heared him threaten me yesterday when I mentioned seeing a therapist he said I would get time and lose our home and savings. When I first met my hub he had him followed and my hub had to tell him to back off he is evil and scum.

When I got married I didn't invite him for obvious reasons I couldn't bear him to give me away. my mum and bro didn't attend because of him too.

Floxxie

I'm sorry you are all having to go through this. He clearly still has a hold on you.

My first steps to getting stronger and understanding exactly what had happened/continues to happen was to break off all contact with my abuser and any family member who supported their actions. If you can do this, then what you need to do to put an end to this will be much clear with your therapist's help.

kelpie35

Can you and your husband not go to the police and report him?

How can you lose all your savings and home?

You will not be able to move on with your life until all this is dealt with.

I wish you all the best, be strong and take action now.

thorsoak

1. You are strong - you have survived the abuse, you kept him away from your wedding - he can no longer hurt you.

2. He cannot destroy you, nor take away your home and money - he is trying to control you - but you have already broken his control.

3. Go to the police - you will be believed. I believe you - so will others.

4. Stay strong. You will get support here.

bluelass

thorsoak wrote: »

1. You are strong - you have survived the abuse, you kept him away from your wedding - he can no longer hurt you.

2. He cannot destroy you, nor take away your home and money - he is trying to control you - but you have already broken his control.

3. Go to the police - you will be believed. I believe you - so will others.

4. Stay strong. You will get support here.

Thanks to all who support me its a relief to speak about it with neutral peeps. He says I can lose my home and savings if he sues me that's what I meant.

j.e.j.

You mean he's threatening to sue you for slander?

Have you (or your mum or brother) ever spoken to the Police about him, or has his behaviour gone unnoticed/unrecorded for all this time.

McKneff

He is the scum of the earth, he is still trying to dominate you.
Don't let him, you are an adult and he cannot hurt you.


There is no way he can sue you, you will never lose your home or savings in a million years.


Your mother and brother will be grateful if you got rid of him too.


Go for it......

Gigglepig

It sounds like this person has a track record of poor behaviour so if you did speak up perhaps others will come forward.

But it might be that others are not ready or feeling strong enough and may even as a result not tell the truth, because they can't face up to it.

if you go to the police, perhaps With your brother, it might help you draw a line and move on.

It is good to hear that you are getting counselling, I hope support may be available also for your mother and brother.

OP if you do not feel safe perhaps women's aid or similar can advise on practical steps to take - might it be possible for you, your mother and brother to relocate to another part of the country? They may also reassure you regarding his threats about home and savings, and give other practical advice.