Any Abuse Survivors on Here? Help Required Please

Kernow666 · 28 December 2014 at 12:29PM

reminds me of an episode of curb your enthusiasm

luckycat99 · 28 December 2014 at 1:04PM

If you plan to press charges - be very careful what kind of therapy you have. I come from the position of a survivor and a therapist.

Therapy that involves recounting/talking about what happened to you can compromise any future case and is not recommended by the police/legal system - if you plan to press charges. I have recently spoken to the police about this. But you can also speak to the police about this and they can advise you. If you don't want to press charges - then the situation is different. The police can give you the best advice about this.

As others have said, he can't take your home etc and send you to prison. He sounds scared and is trying to scare you into silence - typical of abusers. Ignore him. I know how hard that is as abusers make you believe they have all the power, but they don't. You're a grown-up now and you have people around you who will protect you and back you up. If he theatens to hurt your family if you tell on him - you can speak to the police and social services.

You can report your concerns regarding the welfare of your mum to social services. The things you've described sound abusive and you are in a position now where you can try and protect her and your brother.

You can talk to the police about the threats. You can also make a statement and not press charges. Sometimes just making a statement to the police is enough to feel you've been heard and validated. But everyone is different. Some never approach the police. There is no right or wrong - just what's right for you and your situation.

Hope that helps.

nodiscount · 28 December 2014 at 4:37PM

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I vehemently disagree!

The OP is saying that her 'father' hates HER - because she broke away from his control and married a man of her own choice. That is the entirely normal pattern for most British people, indeed in most western countries.

Why is saying so (as opposed to the very common Muslim/Asian pattern of marrying someone chosen for you by your family) racist?

I believe that you have completely misunderstood what the OP was trying to illustrate and owe her an apology.

So generalisations about Asians or Muslims is OK then is it?

I don't think it is.

Arranged marriages in British born 'Asians' and 'muslims' is not the done thing anymore. Most of us now meet partners at uni and such like.

Primrose · 28 December 2014 at 5:57PM

Post deleted - accidental duplicated posting.

bigmomma051204 · 28 December 2014 at 5:59PM

nodiscount wrote: »

So generalisations about Asians or Muslims is OK then is it?

I don't think it is.

Arranged marriages in British born 'Asians' and 'muslims' is not the done thing anymore. Most of us now meet partners at uni and such like.

Oh Shh. This thread is about a survivor of childhood abuse asking for help and support. You picking up on some vague reference to race is antagonistic!
You could derail the thread - a thread which could mean something extremely important to at least 3 peoples lives!

Paddy's Mum is correct - I assumed that the OP is simply making reference to the fact that it is well known that in certain communities/races/religions, arranged marriages are common place. OP was merely pointing out that HER father had not objected to her choice of husband due to religious/moral/cultural grounds. Perhaps she could have worded it better - but then perhaps if she wasn't trying to deal with surviving abuse from her "Father" and ongoing abuse of her Mother and Brother, I am SURE that she would have taken the time to ensure she worded her post correctly to avoid putting your nose out of joint :cool:
Now Shh!

Primrose · 28 December 2014 at 6:00PM

I truly sympathise with you. Given the information you have provided about your brother's vulnerable state of health and your mum,s dementia i urge you to talk to youe GP and to report this both to the police and Social services. There is a new law hopefully comng in soon which would cover the type of emotional abuse your father is inflicting on your mother and I am sure that after the Jimmy Saville case the police are taking such abuses far more seriously.

Your parent is a bully of the worst kind but I am sure that in the case of a police investigation he will turn out to be the kind of yellow livered coward that such abusers really are. Please try and find the courage to report him and bring all your family sufferings to a long overdue end.

Gingernutty · 28 December 2014 at 7:15PM

bluelass wrote: »

He told me yesterday in front of my hubby ( after I mentioned the therapist) if someone reports historic abuse they will go to prison for a long time. His way of telling me he will get the upper hand if I go public.

:mad:

Like Mojisola said, this is an outright lie.

Not only are the police taking allegations of historic abuse seriously, so are the courts.

Max Clifford, Rolf Harris, Chris Denning and a number of others are behind bars for crimes committed years, if not decades ago.

There are also ongoing investigations, Yew Tree the most famous.

He may think he can front it out, but once the police get involved and start interviewing people, they'll see beyond the front.

You, your husband, your uncle and your cousin are all witnesses to what a skeeze he is.

thorsoak · 28 December 2014 at 7:23PM

bluelass wrote: »

Actually since I had my first meet with the therapist (over 2 hours) I have had flashbacks of events. My mum had a miscarriage when I was almost five years old the baby was a female I would have had a sister. I am certain he had something to do with it I recall my mum crying in the hallway we lived in a groundfloor cottage flat then (council) and she was crying in pain he only took her to the hospital the next day I was dropped off at my grandparents first. He even denied his pregnant wife immediate medical attention and im pretty certain my mum would have been at least 6 months gone at the time as I remember her having a large bump. He told me yesterday in front of my hubby ( after I mentioned the therapist) if someone reports historic abuse they will go to prison for a long time. His way of telling me he will get the upper hand if I go public. He will put on the act of his life if and when he gets nicked and my god will he act if it got to crown court he has had all these years to come up with it after all.

Bluelass - the person who goes to prison for a long time after a report of historic abuse is THE PERSON WHO WAS THE ABUSER - not the accuser!

Mojisola · 28 December 2014 at 7:43PM

Having watched the trials of famous people being reported on the news, he must be getting very scared!

bluelass · 28 December 2014 at 11:38PM

I wish to make it clear that I am certainly not racist or bigoted. I only mentioned that im not of muslim or Asian descent in case anyone viewing my post assumed my so called DAD doesn't have any religious or faith grounds to insist I should have married someone of his choosing. I am very distressed about this and being as its supposed to be a time for family to get together for what is meant to be a joyous time adds to it even more. I would also like to say its not only certain religions or faiths that insist on being able to choose who a daughter or even son marries I have a friend who is white and raised in the Anglican faith who came from a traveller family. Her parents thought they had the right to say who she courted and married even her 2 brothers girlfriends were vetted so don't assume a religion or skin colour only applies.