Any Abuse Survivors on Here? Help Required Please

HPoirot

Your abuser still has power over you if he managed to scare you with a threat (frankly laughable about you being locked up for reporting!!!). It is irrational, and I guess the therapy is helping you to break out of it at your own pace.

I understand you want to save your mum and brother too, but you have to have got yourself out of his grip first and made yourself stronger before rescuing them - if they want it.

If they are grown adults cowering under his thumb on a day to day basis, it is not uncommon for them to be confused about any change in their situation and to side with the abuser. While I am not saying this is what happens to everyone, please be aware that it is possible they may not side with you against the abuser and that the battle may be just that little bit harder than you thought.

What I am trying to say I guess is that I would concentrate on you and get yourself in a good place by whatever means it takes first and foremost. You will know you have arrived when you see him for the pathetic little t0era9 that he is and feel pity for him. That is when you will be at your strongest to pull your mum and brother out of his sorry little mess.

sulkisu

bluelass wrote: »

I wish to make it clear that I am certainly not racist or bigoted. I only mentioned that im not of muslim or Asian descent in case anyone viewing my post assumed my so called DAD doesn't have any religious or faith grounds to insist I should have married someone of his choosing.

Don't worry about that - I think the vast majority of us reading the post, understood what you said and why you said it.

dragonette

No idea if this helpful (skim reading as this can be fairly triggering for me), I reported my abuse anonymously through Rape Crisis. Im in Scotland so I don't if its possible in your area, but the details were put on a database and the police could come back to me if they felt more information could lead somewhere. I believe it also flags up when someone is being checked for working with children or vulnerable adults.

cazziebo

I was just going to suggest Rape Crisis, Dragonette.

They will be a good listener for you, OP and will also support you whether or not you decide to take this to the police. Just speaking to them might help you decide what you want to do.

When I volunteered for rape crisis, many contacts were wanting to talk about abuse that had happened many years ago.

It is run mainly by volunteers so if you don't gel with your first person, ask for someone else.

bigmomma051204

Although the last two posts are really helpful, I wasn't aware that the abuse was necessarily of a sexual nature....

Of course, it may have been but actually what the OP has described sounds more like emotional/mental abuse and coercive behaviour?

Not that it matters really of course...and as I said, Rape Crisis info is important for anyone who may read this and find it a trigger xx

bluelass

I suffered physical as well as emotional abuse too. My mum had a breakdown in 1984 when me and my brother were very young she was in hospital for 5 months. My therapist says it might do me some good to write a letter describing his acts and how they have made me feel and I should make a copy and I hold onto the original.

bluelass

bluelass wrote: »

I suffered physical as well as emotional abuse too. My mum had a breakdown in 1984 when me and my brother were very young she was in hospital for 5 months. My therapist says it might do me some good to write a letter describing his acts and how they have made me feel and I should make a copy and I hold onto the original.

Oh sorry I meant I should send him the copy and I retain the original just in case he tries to copy my hand writing and put something of his choosing on the letter.

Mojisola

bluelass wrote: »

I suffered physical as well as emotional abuse too. My mum had a breakdown in 1984 when me and my brother were very young she was in hospital for 5 months. My therapist says it might do me some good to write a letter describing his acts and how they have made me feel and I should make a copy and I hold onto the original.

I think you need to decide whether you want to deal with your feelings and move on or go down the legal route.

If you think you would like to start legal proceeding, I wouldn't do things like writing letters to him at least until you have spoken to the police and/or a solicitor and taken advise from them about the wisdom of explaining your feelings to him.

It can be very therapeutic to write your feelings down, even if you then just burn the paper or tear it into little bits.

Racheldevon

You may wish to find further support through the national association for people abused in childhood http://napac.org.uk/


Any family members living under any domestically abusive situation can be supported, and it might be worth contacting http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ as a starting point - alternatively each police force has specialist domestic abuse officers who can complete the necessary risk assessments and link into relevant services whether MARAC /IDVA workers etc

[Deleted User]

Write a letter to him, but don't send it to him. Its a way of saying what you couldn't at the time.

There is no need or resolution in actually giving the letter to him.., he won't learn, and he will probably delight in knowing exactly how he affected you. It could well be held up and ridiculed by him. I know this is what happened to me.

The only thing that will get through to him is society's condemnation of his actions. And even that is not certain (that he will be able to take on board how wrong what he did is). But he will be punished.

People who are being abusive DO know what they are doing, its why they keep doing it, because they get a buzz/reward (power) out of it. You won't be able to reveal to him anything he didn't know.., he does know.., but its all warped.