Any Abuse Survivors on Here? Help Required Please

thorsoak

bluelass wrote: »

Today is my mothers 61 birthday. I cant help but feel bitterness towards her though. She is held in his grip from the age of 17 but I always think why did she have to stay with him and left him whilst she and me and my bro were still young and made a new life. I hate him so much I have been having thoughts which other people have been abused will have had but I don't want to be the one who ends up getting a custodial sentence that should be HIM who does not me.

Once again, you WILL NOT get a custodial sentence - he is still abusing you by feeding you with these thoughts. Please talk to someone.

Break his control by believing us when we tell you that he is the one who would get a custodial sentence - think Max Clifford, Rolph Harris, Stuart Hall.....

supermassive

My family have been in this situation before. I was the abused, my step father was the abuser.

I had enough one day and decided to tear his life apart. After a month of planning, he lost his job, his home, his wife & his savings. It's one thing to abuse a child, but when the child grows up into a vengeful adolescent, that's when it's going to come back and bite.

I've never reported him to the police as I think being in prison will be a kind of freedom for him. He knows he can never come to this town again.

bluelass

Many thanks to everyone who gave me advice and links xx. I have decided that he has got away with this for too many years and this is the year I will come out about it. I have spoken with a advice line another poster mentioned on here and I found it very helpful and therapeutic. He has probably been re hearsing what to say when he does eventually get arrested after all he is a master manipulator and as another poster replied the police and courts have seen that many times before.

thorsoak

bluelass wrote: »

Many thanks to everyone who gave me advice and links xx. I have decided that he has got away with this for too many years and this is the year I will come out about it. I have spoken with a advice line another poster mentioned on here and I found it very helpful and therapeutic. He has probably been re hearsing what to say when he does eventually get arrested after all he is a master manipulator and as another poster replied the police and courts have seen that many times before.

Well done! You are breaking the power he has over you xxx
Just don't tell him when you do it!

bluelass

I rang NAPAC as it was suggested by another poster my very big thanks to that poster x. NAPAC had a very good person on the phone when I called them the other night they told me it wasn't my fault and abusers have excuses for their actions. I always suspected he was worse with me as my mum got pregnant with me by accident at 23 and I was a girl not a boy and he had to marry my mum.

dancingfairy

Unfortunately it is not always that easy for someone to get out, your mother may have wanted to, but she was probably scared stiff (And he probably threatened to hurt her and you if she did). She probably also had the fear that she wouldn't be believed.
It is very difficult to get out and start a new life (As you are discovering) but it can be done.
I'm glad that you have found someone to support you through this difficult period.
I think many more people who have been through what you have been through will come forward now, especially since the recent high profile cases. I think people feel they are more likely to be believed and the police will take it seriously.
df

bluelass

I only regret not doing this years ago. Then my mum and brother would have had a life to live. Any others on here who have gone through the same thing please get in touch.

[Deleted User]

Don't expect your mother or brother to thank you for this. They may do eventually but victims can be unbelievably resistant to 'rescue' until they are ready to rescue themselves. They have listened for so long to your father ranting on about how things are your fault, they may just carry on in that belief, however false, however much evidence there is to the contrary.

You are doing the right thing. But they might not see it that way just yet.

Be realistic about that. Concentrate on rescuing yourself (which includes reporting what your father to the police if this is what you want to do). Don't pin your hopes on anything else. That is more than enough.

bluelass

NAPAC whom have been great! Have advised me to prepare what I will say in my statement. They say it would help to write down key events and is possible the year such event took place (I can certainly remember a few). A few years ago he even said if my mum died he would not let anyone report her death and he would bury her himself in the garden. He hated me speaking to men my own age and went into a rage if I mentioned he met someone, he once said he only wanted me to have children in the family way. Control freak? it was like being in a cult.

bluelass

bluelass wrote: »

NAPAC whom have been great! Have advised me to prepare what I will say in my statement. They say it would help to write down key events and is possible the year such event took place (I can certainly remember a few). A few years ago he even said if my mum died he would not let anyone report her death and he would bury her himself in the garden. He hated me speaking to men my own age and went into a rage if I mentioned he met someone, he once said he only wanted me to have children in the family way. Control freak? it was like being in a cult.

Sorry meant t say if I met someone not if he met someone.