Any Abuse Survivors on Here? Help Required Please

rogueylawyer

bluelass wrote: »

He wont let them out without him there. My mum has a form of dementia now and is a vunerable adult.

If mum has a vulnerable adult and you have concerns about your father's behaviour towards her then it might be possible to speak with her social worker or to make a report (depending on her circumstances and the concerns themselves).

bluelass

rogueylawyer wrote: »

If mum has a vulnerable adult and you have concerns about your father's behaviour towards her then it might be possible to speak with her social worker or to make a report (depending on her circumstances and the concerns themselves).

rogueylawyer I am really grateful for your advice. But you probably never had a father like this and you don't know how it feels to be in my shoes I only hope you have never been there. Imagine being 10 years old and being told to read a French wine list backwards and if you got any wrong you got called thick and hit around the head could you imagine that? well it happened to me. He said he was preparing me for big school and I had to grow up quick.

bluelass

My mum also has very swollen legs due to medical conditions. Yesterday he fed her 2 big plates of pasta then when she finished he convinced her she wanted more even my hubby looked shocked. When I went to take a cup back in the kitchen (my brother was in the kitchen fetching a drink for the !!!!) I turned to our Paul (my bro) and told him as quick as I could that next year will be different and things will come out. Hopefully he seen a good chance of hope I don't want him to attempt suicide again.

rogueylawyer

Edited, because this isn't about me.

mellymoo74

rogueylawyer wrote: »

Edited, because this isn't about me.

Wanted to say well done you have offered a lot of very good advice sometimes people don't want to hear it.

Floxxie

bluelass wrote: »

rogueylawyer I am really grateful for your advice. But you probably never had a father like this and you don't know how it feels to be in my shoes I only hope you have never been there. Imagine being 10 years old and being told to read a French wine list backwards and if you got any wrong you got called thick and hit around the head could you imagine that? well it happened to me. He said he was preparing me for big school and I had to grow up quick.

Bluelass, you have no idea what others may have been through. They are not trying to compare you to themselves but what they are trying to do is offer you advice and information for your situation.

The people I was trying to 'save' turned out to be as abusive as the man himself. Look after yourself and work from there onwards.

Armorica

nodiscount - you may be reading in something that simply isn't there. It is common for asian/muslim/indian marriages to be arranged. (I.e. a reference to the choice of husband, rather than abuse)

bluelass - suing would be ridiculous - he can't take away your home. As others have said, hypnotherapy may help, but it's also a legal risk - you seem to have plenty of recent examples too.

It really does sound as if your mother/brother shouldn't be living there. Are they both getting the medical support that they need i.e. is her dementia medically diagnosed?

grandma247

http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/child_abuse_survivors.php

paddy's_mum

nodiscount wrote: »

that comment is trollish and racist.

I vehemently disagree!

The OP is saying that her 'father' hates HER - because she broke away from his control and married a man of her own choice. That is the entirely normal pattern for most British people, indeed in most western countries.

Why is saying so (as opposed to the very common Muslim/Asian pattern of marrying someone chosen for you by your family) racist?

I believe that you have completely misunderstood what the OP was trying to illustrate and owe her an apology.

indsty

Whatever you decide to do it is important that you get sufficient support from a really good counsellor. The NHS counsellor may be OK but I am not sure they are giving you what you need. To talk about hynotherapy is really not helpful. You need to talk through what actually happened to you, what you remember. That will help to take the power out of it. If you can, try and contact a specialist service in your area that deals with abuse (many of them will be free or accept what payment you can afford). Also, keep telling yourself that you are now an adult, and not under his power in any way. He is a bully and a coward and has absolutely no power over you in any way at all, despite what he says.