What Do Women Gain From Marriage?

Tropez

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Yeah it is strange. I think the "alpha male" thing is slowly phasing out though. Don't get me wrong, I class myself as an alpha male, I'm still protective, stubborn, like my football, "time with the lads", I even make the odd sexist joke. They are characteristics of my personality though, it's down to me as to when I act like that.

To be fair though, few of those things are related to ethological definition, or even social definition, of an 'alpha'.

'Alpha' is about dominance and exerting dominance through mental and physical superiority and in human circles its often combined with patriarchal societal hierarchies. You're right though, it is dying out, as it should.

AngelOfTheNorth

lisyloo wrote: »

Technially I guess you could probably set up a trust and paperwork for every single pension pot you have and every eventuality e.g. lasting power of attorney and cover every single eventuality e.g. deaths not in the order you expected.
How many people do you think do this for every single pension fund they have from every previous job and every single insurance policy?

Plus, HMRC can and do challenge trusts, all the time. This doesn't happen with eg transferring unused IHT allowance to a spouse. Marriage is a lot more foolproof, though obviously not everyone wants or needs the stronger legal protections that come with it. I don't use 'Mrs' myself, so the stuff you wrote about getting greater recognition when out and about isn't something I can comment on- personally have never felt that I'm treated any worse for not being identifiably married from my title, though I wear a ring so you could tell that way. But the legalities, absolutely. There's nothing wrong with choosing to forego those, there's a lot wrong with it being an uninformed choice as unfortunately it sometimes is.

enjoyyourshoes

you get what you put in, so...............



















'same as men'

Orlando_Virgin

Tropez wrote: »

To be fair though, few of those things are related to ethological definition, or even social definition, of an 'alpha'.

'Alpha' is about dominance and exerting dominance through mental and physical superiority and in human circles its often combined with patriarchal societal hierarchies. You're right though, it is dying out, as it should.

Yeah true, and obviously I think dominance in any relationship isn't a plus in my opinion. Whatever side it is coming from.

unholyangel

fred246 wrote: »

I was once sat in the sauna at my gym. There were two other women in it. One was saying how her best friends' husband had lost his job. The other one said "well get him out of the house then, I wouldn't have a man in my house with no job". The other lady was quite shocked and embarrassed saying how they were happily married and he had been sadly made redundant. Her friend remained adamant that no job meant you had to be kicked out. I couldn't believe my ears.

There was a woman who lived next to a friend of mine and she done this with her man. Would kick him out any time he lost a job (was in the building trade so would work 6 months or so on one job and have to find another). While he was "in" he would also remodel her house for her.......after the house was all done up she ditched him yet again and moved another guy in (who was made redundant and she kicked him out too!).

As for the OP....Ive had ex's who seemed to think along those lines - that the woman should do the cooking/cleaning etc (ironically the same guys usually also thought women should do their own DIY/maintenance). Usually they were just replicating what they saw at home.

Hopefully those of us with kids will not be confining them to the same fate and will be encouraging sons to do the washing up/dusting and encouraging daughters to learn how to wire a plug etc.

lisyloo

has been predefined in the past as a "woman's job". Likewise with what are classed as "men's jobs"

Often people have skills/preferences.
I do some things I don't like much (like ironing) because I dislike them less than DH so it's a case of compromise (this is a major word in marriage I think).

On the subject of male/female roles I'd just like to add that I'm 46 (not that old) but was never educated in woodwork/metalwork or anything practical like my brothers either at school nor at home, so some of us were not treated equally when we were brought up which leaves a legacy for many decades to come.
Of course people can learn new skills but if youre completely lacking then it will take some rather significant motivation (like becoming a widow).

Tropez

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Yeah true, and obviously I think dominance in any relationship isn't a plus in my opinion. Whatever side it is coming from.

Yeah, unless of course it is one of those alternative lifestyle community deals that consent to such a relationship...

Peter333

Mojisola wrote: »

And there are women who want to live like that - as long as both people are honest with each other before getting into relationships, there could be a lot more happy couples.

Exactly. Many women are happy to take on the traditional women's tasks and have the men take over the traditional men's tasks.

Many women like (and prefer) to stay at home and look after the home and kids while their husband goes out to work and brings the money in too. Some may want to work part time, but I have yet to meet a woman who wants to have the responsibility of being the breadwinner, while her husband stays home and looks after the home and kids.

Maybe there are some women like this, but I have never met any.

I don't think some women like to admit or acknowledge it, but many women do not want to take on the traditional man's role of being the main or sole breadwinner, and are happier to stick to traditional 'roles.'

And as you said Mojisola, as long as both parties are happy with it, who are we to judge?

Orlando_Virgin

lisyloo wrote: »

Often people have skills/preferences.
I do some things I don't like much (like ironing) because I dislike them less than DH so it's a case of compromise (this is a major word in marriage I think).

On the subject of male/female roles I'd just like to add that I'm 46 (not that old) but was never educated in woodwork/metalwork or anything practical like my brothers either at school nor at home, so some of us were not treated equally when we were brought up which leaves a legacy for many decades to come.
Of course people can learn new skills but if youre completely lacking then it will take some rather significant motivation (like becoming a widow).

Oh yeah of course, I do understand that. Like my OH is a FAR, FAR better cook than I am. There is a standing joke that I can't cook anything that doesn't involve chicken or mince. I think that's unfair seeing as I make a mean chilli con carne and brilliant fajitas but there you go.

So she generally tends to cook more, but only because we don't want to turn in to giant chickens. But then I even that up with loading the dishwasher, cleaning the kitchen then making a brew etc. which is exactly what you were saying about compromise.

unholyangel

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Yeah it is strange. I think the "alpha male" thing is slowly phasing out though. Don't get me wrong, I class myself as an alpha male, I'm still protective, stubborn, like my football, "time with the lads", I even make the odd sexist joke. They are characteristics of my personality though, it's down to me as to when I act like that.

But I still see any OH that I choose as my equal. Without doubt. Different? Yes, but in no way not my equal. I would always chip in with whatever has been predefined in the past as a "woman's job". Likewise with what are classed as "men's jobs" In reality, these things are things that need doing in the relationship and the balance needs to be right for both of you.

In all relationships the balance will be different, but as long as the both of you are happy and the respect remains, then surely that's enough.

Theres nothing wrong with the alpha male so to speak.

But theres quite a difference to being an alpha male compared to having one party in a relationship have their needs/desires squashed and ignored in favour of the other.

Guys who do that and describe themselves as an alpha male are usually only trying to validate their behaviour and make it more acceptable.

An alpha is not necessarily a bully (iyswim?)