I've let myself go apparently!

blues

Interesting that 'letting yourself go' is assumed to be linked to weight. It could refer to other issues eg lack of care in choice of clothes, hair, makeup. I think it was an insensitive comment, but probably expressing his honest point of view, even though in jest. Discuss together when feeling calmer!

FBaby

The trouble with having a relationship with one of those slightly immature, jokey, laugh-a-minute blokes is that they often don't know when to switch off the act

It's all about interpretation. I see taking everything literally as a sign of immaturity. My husband is very jokey in this way, he loves to banter and tease people. He use to tease me that if I gained weight, he would have to dump me (I just told him that so would I if he turned bald), yet he is the most attentive person I know. He texts me regularly out of the blue telling me how much he loves me, leaves notes under the pillow, and will tell me that I am the most beautiful woman and that he is the luckiest married man.

I have much respect for people who are able to laugh at themselves. As it's been said, no-one is perfect but love is beyond perfection. I see so many young people who are self-absord and value their self-worth by what they look like. I am raising my kids to accept themselves as they are and able to laugh at their imperfection, whilst telling them that they are still gorgeous. The other day, I told DD that if she continued to eat like a horse, she was going to get fat. She laughed and said that she thought she was a bit too slim anyway and it wouldn't do any harm to put on a few pounds. I wanted to hug her for that response.

CathA

People make thoughtless/tactless comments sometimes, and people take them different ways depending on how they feel at the time. You've only just had a baby which is a non-stop tiring round of nappies, feeding and crying, so you're bound to be feeling a bit sensitive. Have a word with him and tell him you were upset, if he's like most blokes he'll be mortified that you're so upset and that it's his fault.

However, if you'd like an example of thoughtless comments to make you smile, pin back your ears!!

My hubby and I were at a posh do, dinner jackets, posh dresses, announcements of guests at the door by the maître de etc. He gave the maître de his name, and used his ex wife's name instead of mine!! When I corrected the name, my hubby could have crawled through a mouse hole, he was so upset. The fact that his ex wife had also been a regular visitor to these posh do's (it's the annual ladies dinner night) was his reason for giving the wrong name. I could have got upset, snotty, sulky or all three but didn't as I found it funny. Other people may not have done; in fact one of my friends said that if her chap had done that she would have walked out!! It's all about perception, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Oh a few times he's referred to me using his ex wife's name, but to be fair I called him the dog's name by accident the other day, so fair's fair!

74jax

Oh would say to me god you look a mess, to him I might... But to me I probably feel fine as I'm darting out the door to meet someone.

I agree, it's how people take things. Op is clearly upset so she should talk to him about it.

Nicki

CathA wrote: »

My hubby and I were at a posh do, dinner jackets, posh dresses, announcements of guests at the door by the maître de etc. He gave the maître de his name, and used his ex wife's name instead of mine!! When I corrected the name, my hubby could have crawled through a mouse hole, he was so upset. The fact that his ex wife had also been a regular visitor to these posh do's (it's the annual ladies dinner night) was his reason for giving the wrong name.

I think your reaction to this shows what a strong and happy marriage you have. And that if you have posted it as the OP in a thread, you'd have been told the opposite, like the OP in this thread has been told.

In the OP's case, I think what her partner said is only a problem if she wants to make it one to be honest. I doubt it was meant to be hurtful, or as a statement of intent, or indeed meant to be considered to represent his actual opinion of how she looks. It comes across to me, unless there is some other more sinister context which OP hasn't explained yet, as clearly a joke. If my own husband had said it in the same circumstances, I'd have hit him with a cushion and we'd both have collapsed in hysterics. Though if he'd then started a thread about it, he'd probably then have been told he was the victim of domestic violence and to leave me immediately

FBaby

The way to test your OH if you really are concened that he meant it is to make a joky comment about his appearance too, maybe in a couple of weeks when he's forgotten about what he said to you. if he laughs it off, you know it was all banter, if he gets offended and upset about it, then you can tell him that this is what such comments does to you too and you can agree to make sure you watch what you say to each other.

VestanPance

Just sounds like a joke.

You sound like you have issues with your own body shape, as that's what you've picked up on not the part of the joke about not loving you ever after. Your putting your problems/issues on a throw away joke.

Happier_Me

I made the mistake of asking my DH if my bum looked big in a pair of jeans the other week. His response was 'Your bum looks big in everything!'

It was a joke. It was funny. And I will get my own back (in a funny, not meant in the least bit seriously way). A bit annoyed with myself that I made it so easy for him though.

Deep down you will know whether he genuinely meant anything by it but I think this was a joke OP

Orate

I feel silly reading this back. On Friday when I wrote this I had wound myself up over his comment and it is an over reaction as many have stated. I'm a bit insecure with my appearance of late. I feel tired all the time and the stretch marks across my tummy have made me not feel comfortable with my body. Then to be told I've let myself go really hurt.

He did however realise he upset me and came home with a nice bottle of rose wine and very nice box of chocs from hotel chocolat which are my fav! He also spent the night in with me, instead of going out to an xmas party. That earned him major brownie points because I was feeling a bit left out and to know he picked up on that, it cheered me right up.

Lily-Rose_3

Coming in late here Orate, but I am glad you sorted it.

Like many have said, I doubt he meant anything by it.

Hope all 3 of you have a great Christmas.