I've let myself go apparently!

duchy

Orate wrote: »

It only happened last night. He's at work now, but all day I've been mulling it over in my head. He's never indicated that he's not attracted to me either. I could be being a bit over sensitive. It's not something I want to be told by someone I love though.

If this was one comment and he has given you no other indication that he sees you differently then you probably are over-reacting.

We're all a bit oversensitive to comments like that after having a baby and he's as you say immature and needs reminding not to be such an insensitive prat sometimes. Clear the air with him and then let it go.

teffers

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I like the Robin Williams quote in Good Will Hunting which goes along the lines of ' I've got news for you , you're not perfect and neither is that girl -the only question you've got to ask yourselves is are you perfect for each other'

Seriously OP I think you need to take a good dose of reality and not take a one off comment so much to heart....definitely sounds like a foot in mouth job!

100% agree.

I'm 74% sure it was just a joke 10% based in reality. That's over 89% pure laughter based non-truth.

He sounds like a great guy so if he's even 50% as nice as you say he is then I'd not worry about it, not even 1%.

duchy

Guest101 wrote: »

So youve never made a joke at a partners expense?

I don't think I've ever belittled a partner like that..........depends what you mean by a joke. Most men aren't stupid enough to call their wives fat though -just the ones with death wishes

onomatopoeia99

Orate wrote: »

It's not as if I've gained loads either, I'm only a size 10 now from an 8!

There is no British Standard for dress sizes (I just checked to make sure) so I have no idea what that means in pounds and ounces terms!

Given that dress sizes vary from shop to shop, a size 8 in one could be a size 10 in another (according to an ex, I don't buy dresses ) so you might be exactly the same size!

KxMx

I have friends and family that I tease but there are no-go areas where they would find any kind of joke or remark very hurtful and I respect that.

I understand you've been upset over this but your reaction should have given a clear signal to your partner and hopefully he won't make such comments again.

Maybe if it were to recur i'd be worried but if this is the first time I wouldn't be.

gettingtheresometime

And can I take a bet that there a few comments along the lines of something sickly romantic which didn't help his response?

barbiedoll

The trouble with having a relationship with one of those slightly immature, jokey, laugh-a-minute blokes is that they often don't know when to switch off the act.

This was obviously a throwaway comment which has backfired on him because you're dog-tired, probably a little emotional, and the comment has hit a nerve. No matter how much or little weight you have gained (or lost), no matter how much make-up you slap on before facing the world, there's something about having a small baby at home which is just life-draining. I can remember seeing my first grey hairs, watching the bags under my eyes getting darker by the day and mostly feeling generally "meh", for months afterwards, much as I loved being a new mum. And sometimes, the thought of shaving your legs, wearing matching underwear or dyeing your roots just seems like too much hard work. Which can make you feel guilty because you're not making an effort.

In truth, most blokes do realise that you're a different person after a baby, and most blokes aren't really that bothered by it. The majority of men don't even notice a few pounds weight gain, or the fact that you haven't got a full make-up face on. How many men can describe what their partner was wearing yesterday? Not many, I bet.

Don't sit and mull over this, it was just a silly, thoughtless remark, one that probably would have made you laugh a year ago. If anyone asks him whether he'll still love you when you're old, just tell them the same as I do..."Who cares, I'll get the house anyway!" :rotfl::rotfl: (Yes, that was a joke!)

NobodysChild

And that just about sums it up ^^^

Gloomendoom

duchy wrote: »

I don't think I've ever belittled a partner like that..........depends what you mean by a joke. Most men aren't stupid enough to call their wives fat though -just the ones with death wishes

If my wife outs on a few pounds and I notice, I tell her.

She does the same for me.

duchy

Gloomendoom wrote: »

If my wife outs on a few pounds and I notice, I tell her.

She does the same for me.

But she (and you) know it wouldn't be hurtful .........and presumably if those few pounds were because she'd just given birth to your child - you wouldn't be that crass.

You know what you can say.......and what are no go areas -and they'll be different with each couple. Everyone has something that would hurt them ......and if you love someone you don't go there...or if you need to you do it gently.

That isn't the situation with the OP though. I can tell my OH he's put on a few pounds (and vice versa ) without either of us getting upset- but I doubt anyone would react well to been told they have "let themself go" .