I've let myself go apparently!

marisco_2

Orate wrote: »

I feel an argument coming soon over this because I'm so angry and upset by it. I'm also worrying that he will leave me for someone who hasn't let herself go. I just don't know what to do...

Good grief, what a total over reaction to what was quite clearly a light hearted joke. Is your relationship with the father of your child really so fragile that he can't pull your leg? My advice is to take what was said in the manner it was intended and not give it another thought.

Staying angry and upset over nothing and building up to a row, where you basically make it obvious that you don't trust him or his motives and will come across as insecure and irrational, is a quick fire way to drive a wedge between you both.

NobodysChild

What a really strange thing to say when you're only a 10. I agree with the poster who said increasing to a size 10 is hardly letting yourself go LOL.

I bet he didn't even mean anything by it at all, but even so, his comments are out of order. Especially as so many people are sensitive about their weight. No matter how trivial it seems to some, if it's upset you, then you need to let him know.

When I was younger I had several boyfriends before I met my husband, and every one of them seemed to think it was hilarious to make 'jokes' about my weight!

One lad (when I was 17 and he was 19) who I worked with, made comments like hello fatty bum bum, and when I aired my grievance to a female colleague, it turned out he fancied me! What the F? Could there BE a worse way to attract a woman you fancy than insulting her weight/body?! Oh I am 5 ft 5 and was 9 and a half stone and a size 12 by the way - so quite slim. So the fatty jokes baffled me anyway.

After a few more years I started to realise that some men (usually younger) class any woman with a BMI of more than 25 as not slim enough. My husband's younger brother is the same. Every last girlfriend he has ever had, was always slim-ish (about size 12,) and then a size 8 by about 6 to 9 months into the relationship, as that is how he liked them! VERY slim, with as little body fat as poss.

Even my husband used to make the odd 'joke' when we first started dating. It's like they think it's banter ('Banter' AKA 'insults and rude comments that offend!' :mad: ) I told my future husband that it upset me, and he was sorry and said he didn't mean anything by it and never said anything else again. Especially because when I was telling him it offended me, I started crying.

OP I think you need to tell your husband about this and explain that it hurt your feelings, and that 'banter' about your weight and body size or shape is not acceptable to you.

Congrats on your baby by the way!

FBaby

Ironically, OP is bothered that her partner might be questioning their relationship on the basis of his views on her weight when he is now more likely to question it on the basis of lack of sense of humour!

dancingfairy

You've got a 6 month old and have put on a few pounds. To be honest I'm not surprised you were upset, your body is probably still recovering from the pregnancy in terms of hormones etc and you've probably got a lively 6 month old who's keeping you up at night/running you ragged by day. A change of role from being wife/partner to being mum and one thoughtless/stupid comment - well it's a recipe for disaster.
Only you know him well enough to know whether he was joking or whether he meant anything by it. I think you should let him know that it's upset you. If he's a decent bloke he will apologise and try and make things up to you.
df

pinkteapot

We don't know that the comment was referring to weight. OP was assuming.

74jax

What makes you think it's your weight? If you look no different weight wise like you say I personally can't see how he would mean that?

NobodysChild

dancingfairy wrote: »

You've got a 6 month old and have put on a few pounds. To be honest I'm not surprised you were upset, your body is probably still recovering from the pregnancy in terms of hormones etc and you've probably got a lively 6 month old who's keeping you up at night/running you ragged by day. A change of role from being wife/partner to being mum and one thoughtless/stupid comment - well it's a recipe for disaster.
Only you know him well enough to know whether he was joking or whether he meant anything by it. I think you should let him know that it's upset you. If he's a decent bloke he will apologise and try and make things up to you.
df

Good post.

The OP does need to talk to him.

I have a feeling though, that he didn't mean to upset her.

It was just a throwaway remark I expect.

Poppie68

j.e.j. wrote: »

:eek::eek:

Oh lord! I thought you were supposed to put on about 28lb during pregnancy. 9 stone!!


OP, I don't know, it depends on what he meant by it. Size 10 doesn't sound big. Does he mean you used to be immaculately groomed but now wear more er.. baby-friendly clothes (track-suit bottoms and tops, or god forbid, onesies) and no make-up?

It's clearly playing on your mind, which suggests your appearance/attractiveness IS important to you, so you can't have 'let yourself go' completely!

Lol....her fluid retention was ridiculous they induced her a week early... she is 6ft so she found it harder because she was so noticeable... 20months later she is back to 10st and swears she not doing it again...lol

DUTR

Orate wrote: »

Maybe you're right. I just haven't taken it as a joke and afterwards when he realised I was angry, he never did anything to fix the situation. I'll see how he is when he comes home before having a go at him.

Beanie83 is right, and the sooner you realise that the better, the only thing bad about the whole episode is the responses to the thread poisoning your mind, you are a person and so is your partner, neither are perfect , if you are going to make a big deal about what was said in jest then I doubt you will be together by the time the young one gets to secondary school, Obviously if your partner kept passing digs then there maybe substance to the replies , you had a child with a person you love, don't treat them like they have to walk on eggshells , a relationship is equal not just about how the boy treats the girl.

gettingtheresometime

DUTR wrote: »

Beanie83 is right, and the sooner you realise that the better, the only thing bad about the whole episode is the responses to the thread poisoning your mind, you are a person and so is your partner, neither are perfect , if you are going to make a big deal about what was said in jest then I doubt you will be together by the time the young one gets to secondary school, Obviously if your partner kept passing digs then there maybe substance to the replies , you had a child with a person you love, don't treat them like they have to walk on eggshells , a relationship is equal not just about how the boy treats the girl.

I like the Robin Williams quote in Good Will Hunting which goes along the lines of ' I've got news for you , you're not perfect and neither is that girl -the only question you've got to ask yourselves is are you perfect for each other'

Seriously OP I think you need to take a good dose of reality and not take a one off comment so much to heart....definitely sounds like a foot in mouth job!