I've let myself go apparently!

Orate

Rarely am I someone who airs my dirty laundry to other people, but last night my boyfriend of 3 years told me I've let myself go. We had our first child in June and I have gained a few pounds since giving birth. It's not as if I've gained loads either, I'm only a size 10 now from an 8!

It all started when my friend posted a question on facebook asking us to ask our partners if they would still love us when we are old. I asked my boyfriend and he just laughed and said I doubt it, you've already let yourself go. I was not happy in the slightest and he realised how annoyed I was, then back tracked to say it was only a joke.

I have known him for over 5 years, we work together and never have I saw him use a personal insult as a joke. He has quite an immature personality, it's not immature in a bad way but sometimes he doesn't know when to stop. I knew this when we got together. Around his friends or work colleagues he is always lively and to be honest he is very funny. However, when you get him on his own he's so sweet and that's how I fell for him.

He is well respected with his peers, and was even promoted to team leader at work for the ability he has to lift staff morale. He's been a great boyfriend, he's a good dad, we've never really had an argument. I feel an argument coming soon over this because I'm so angry and upset by it. I'm also worrying that he will leave me for someone who hasn't let herself go. I just don't know what to do...

purpleshoes_2

Size 10 isn't letting yourself go. No matter how great he is in all other aspects of his life, he's disrespecting you and that's really not a good sign.

Orate

purpleshoes wrote: »

Size 10 isn't letting yourself go. No matter how great he is in all other aspects of his life, he's disrespecting you and that's really not a good sign.

I know. He's never done anything like this before and this is why it has affected me so much. I don't think he is aware how much it has hurt me.

*max*

Ask him how lovely he would look in his CK shorts after having had a 7lb turkey permanently strapped to his abdomen for 9 months, ultimately having to poop a pineapple, and THEN look after it when it doesn't go quiet for more than a couple hours at a time. :cool:

fairy_lights

I sounds like he was just trying to be funny and it didn't work. Sometimes throw away comments and banter can backfire horribly despite being well intentioned. Have you told him how much it upset you?
You also mentioned that you're worried he will leave you for someone who hasn't let herself go - has he said or done anything else to indicate he's not attracted to you, or do you think maybe you're own insecurities about how you look since having the baby are making you overly sensitive?

Bean83

I actually think you might be overreacting a bit here - you say yourself he was laughing when he said it, so he was clearly joking. If it hurt your feelings, then explain that to him and I bet you'll find he didn't mean to upset you so much. Tell him it was insensitive of him and go from there, but if he's as wonderful as you say he is then this doesn't seem that big a deal in the scheme of things! Personally I wouldn't start an argument over this, particularly if this is just an isolated incident. My advice would be completely different if he said this sort of thing to you all the time, but as this was a one-off I really wouldn't worry too much.
My husband and I make this sort of joke all the time, but we both know we don't mean it and we more than balance it out with plenty of compliments! However, if I ever felt he had crossed the line I would politely explain why it hurt me and ask him not to do it again, or why I was particularly sensitive about that issue, etc.

Orate

*max* wrote: »

Ask him how lovely he would look in his CK shorts after having had a 7lb turkey permanently strapped to his abdomen for 9 months, ultimately having to poop a pineapple, and THEN look after it when it doesn't go quiet for more than a couple hours at a time. :cool:

Mine was 9lbs 3 lol. The thing is, other than the little weight I gained. I don't look any different. My face hasn't aged ten fold since June. I can't see where I've let myself go. I even compared pictures of me from before I got pregnant to now, and I don't look any different!

kwmlondon

Ooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!

Your boyfriend is lord king fool of the idiots for his very, very badly judged joke!

It's going to take him a lot of pedalling back from that one!

Oof!

As Mr T would say "I PITY DA FOOL!"

*max*

Orate wrote: »

Mine was 9lbs 3 lol. The thing is, other than the little weight I gained. I don't look any different. My face hasn't aged ten fold since June. I can't see where I've let myself go. I even compared pictures of me from before I got pregnant to now, and I don't look any different!

He was talking out of his a$$, probably trying to be funny and not thinking about how insensitive his words were. I'm sure you look perfectly lovely! I'd expect him to grovel for a while though.

Orate

fairy_lights wrote: »

I sounds like he was just trying to be funny and it didn't work. Sometimes throw away comments and banter can backfire horribly despite being well intentioned. Have you told him how much it upset you?
You also mentioned that you're worried he will leave you for someone who hasn't let herself go - has he said or done anything else to indicate he's not attracted to you, or do you think maybe you're own insecurities about how you look since having the baby are making you overly sensitive?

It only happened last night. He's at work now, but all day I've been mulling it over in my head. He's never indicated that he's not attracted to me either. I could be being a bit over sensitive. It's not something I want to be told by someone I love though.

purpleshoes_2

I personally don't think someone saying I doubt I'll love you when you get old, you've already let yourself go is funny in the slightest.

Even if hes near perfect in other ways, its not a good sign. What if the OP had been someone who put stones on when she was pregnant? I wonder what his reaction would have been then.