I've let myself go apparently!

Poppie68

Sounds like a prince....it's how you feel about yourself and just close your ears when he starts talking trash......my husband is blumin fantastic but he has his moments and I really do turn off.....

Orate

Bean83 wrote: »

I actually think you might be overreacting a bit here - you say yourself he was laughing when he said it, so he was clearly joking. If it hurt your feelings, then explain that to him and I bet you'll find he didn't mean to upset you so much. Tell him it was insensitive of him and go from there, but if he's as wonderful as you say he is then this doesn't seem that big a deal in the scheme of things! Personally I wouldn't start an argument over this, particularly if this is just an isolated incident. My advice would be completely different if he said this sort of thing to you all the time, but as this was a one-off I really wouldn't worry too much.
My husband and I make this sort of joke all the time, but we both know we don't mean it and we more than balance it out with plenty of compliments! However, if I ever felt he had crossed the line I would politely explain why it hurt me and ask him not to do it again, or why I was particularly sensitive about that issue, etc.

Maybe you're right. I just haven't taken it as a joke and afterwards when he realised I was angry, he never did anything to fix the situation. I'll see how he is when he comes home before having a go at him.

Bean83

purpleshoes wrote: »

I personally don't think someone saying I doubt I'll love you when you get old, you've already let yourself go is funny in the slightest.

Even if hes near perfect in other ways, its not a good sign. What if the OP had been someone who put stones on when she was pregnant? I wonder what his reaction would have been then.

If my husband said this to me and was clearly laughing, I'd probably laugh too, call him a cheeky so-and-so and hit him with a pillow. Then that would be that and I' never give it another thought. If the OP is upset by it, then she needs to talk to him about and explain how she feels, not worry that this is 'not a good sign'. If the OP had put on a lot of weight, then her boyfriend probably wouldn't have made the same joke as he wouldn't have wanted to upset her. He probably has no idea this would offend her in the slightest, and I'm sure he finds her just as attractive as he did before!

Poppie68

Men just don't get it.....they think once you popped the little nuggets out your body should spring back to shape....my daughter went from 10st all the way up to a glorious 19st at full term..she went down to 11st in 3 weeks because apart from popping out a 9lb 13oz nugget she retained massive amounts of fluid....her boyfriend was a Pratt as well...

purpleshoes_2

Bean83 wrote: »

If my husband said this to me and was clearly laughing, I'd probably laugh too, call him a cheeky so-and-so and hit him with a pillow. Then that would be that and I' never give it another thought. If the OP is upset by it, then she needs to talk to him about and explain how she feels, not worry that this is 'not a good sign'. If the OP had put on a lot of weight, then her boyfriend probably wouldn't have made the same joke as he wouldn't have wanted to upset her. He probably has no idea this would offend her in the slightest, and I'm sure he finds her just as attractive as he did before!

Maybe he does. But the comment about not knowing if he'd love her when she was old as shes let herself go.

In my view thats not humour, its downright mean.

Tropez

Sounds like an ill-thought joke. Everybody makes them.

He probably didn't think you'd react poorly since the question he was being asked doesn't sound serious to begin with. If you're looking for reassurance about the stability of your relationship, bringing up a post from Facebook isn't usually conducive to well-considered discourse.

He probably thought you were asking as a joke given the source and he responded with a joke.

Guest101

Orate wrote: »

Rarely am I someone who airs my dirty laundry to other people, but last night my boyfriend of 3 years told me I've let myself go. We had our first child in June and I have gained a few pounds since giving birth. It's not as if I've gained loads either, I'm only a size 10 now from an 8!

It all started when my friend posted a question on facebook asking us to ask our partners if they would still love us when we are old. I asked my boyfriend and he just laughed and said I doubt it, you've already let yourself go. I was not happy in the slightest and he realised how annoyed I was, then back tracked to say it was only a joke.

I have known him for over 5 years, we work together and never have I saw him use a personal insult as a joke. He has quite an immature personality, it's not immature in a bad way but sometimes he doesn't know when to stop. I knew this when we got together. Around his friends or work colleagues he is always lively and to be honest he is very funny. However, when you get him on his own he's so sweet and that's how I fell for him.

He is well respected with his peers, and was even promoted to team leader at work for the ability he has to lift staff morale. He's been a great boyfriend, he's a good dad, we've never really had an argument. I feel an argument coming soon over this because I'm so angry and upset by it. I'm also worrying that he will leave me for someone who hasn't let herself go. I just don't know what to do...

I'm sorry, but this seems quite clearly to be a joke. Maybe a distatsteful one, but have you ever made a joke about his appearance? a joke at his expense?

rach_k

I'd never call a fat person 'fatty' but I'd hurl insults like that at my sisters because they're NOT fat. Maybe he was doing the same - it doesn't sound like you think you've let yourself go (not that changing after having kids is really letting yourself go) and women tend to be more critical of themselves than others are, so if you think you're okay, he probably thinks you're perfect! I think it was probably just a joke and he didn't realise it would upset you. Either that or he's a horrible person and you should get rid of him!

maurice28

I agree with a previous poster, I think if he did think you'd put on lots of weight or really had 'let yourself go', he wouldn't have made a joke. He probably feels he can because it's obvious you haven't let yourself go.

I would guess he meant it as a joke, so please don't start questioning your relationship over one throwaway comment. Explain to him that it upset you and advise him not to make ill judged jokes like that again, especially when you are in the throes of new parenthood!

purpleshoes_2

Id never in a million years make a joke about someones weight, but my goodness when someone has just given birth and its a size 10!!!

If people are on the receiving end of jokes about their appearance, they'll know how much it hurts and believe it or not, some people do start out making comments about how their partner looks and then make more and more. She's just had a baby, her hormones will still be all over the place and then she gets a comment like that, totally unnecessary. If people do think that comment is funny, that's up to them. I think its awful, just because someone is laughing when they say youve let yourself go doesn't mean its funny or acceptable. It's not.

She doesn't need to kick him to the kerb over one comment, but she should let him know its not acceptable, because its not.