my 14yr old granddaughter has moved in

summerof0763

Duchy I really don't know what your problem is with me, but your getting on my nerves

purpleshoes_2

summerof0763 wrote: »

Duchy I really don't know what your problem is with me, but your getting on my nerves

All I will say in response to that is that there was one poster on here who had such a blast at me when I posted something that I believed was supportive that I thought I would never ever post on here again and when I tried to explain myself I got it again with both barrels

I think all of us need to take a step back sometimes including myself and think how our words are affecting people

There are a fair few people on here Id like to say something to due to the amount of vitriol that was poured out at me in times gone by but they arent worth it

You dont need to explain yourself, just remember that, youve asked for advice and if people want to nit pick everything you have said then let them crack right on.

summerof0763

Thank you purpleshoes your right, I am just not in my right frame of mind just now as you can imagine I am stressed out and trying to be as supportive of granddaughter who is so upset over everything.daughter txted me yesterday to tell me she had put 20 pounds in bank for granddaughter keep lol, then went on to thank me for unlocking granddaughter phone, her phone is not unlocked so I have no idea where she is getting that from, anyway time to get organised for another day

January20

I can't believe some posters are saying about a 14 year old to throw her outside and lock the door! What if she didn't go home? What if she disappeared? She would be vulnerable and at the mercy of anybody! That's good parenting according to some? Really? Have you stopped and listened to yourselves?

I can't believe that Summer's daughter wasn't on her mother's doorstep straight away trying to sort things out with the grand-daughter! I really don't understand that woman's attitude and the way she deals with her child.

People have been quick to jump on the OP for taking in the grand-daughter and "wrecking relationships" but have been equally quick to forget some elements of the OP's posts:

- The mother wanted her daughter to leave a friend's house where she was meant to spend the night on the strength of a phone call that led her to believe her child had been drinking. The child was 15 miles away from home! hey???

- And why was the mother ringing her daughter at 10 pm when she was out at a friend's for the night? Has mother got trust issues? Does mother project her own past bad behaviour as a teenager on her child and expects her child to behave badly because she did?

- The mother asked the grand-mother to pick up the daughter. If the mother had been so bothered, why didn't she go and get her own daughter because I can tell you I would have! If you think your child has been misbehaving, you don't ask another member of the family to deal with it surely?

- The step-father doesn't seem to think a lot of the girl. Could it be that the mother is heavily influenced by him?

Summer, I don't think you are wrecking the relationship between your daughter and your grand-daughter. I think your daughter is doing a good job of that herself. To be accused of something you haven't done, without any proof, and to be made to leave her friend's house late in the evening, she must have been so embarrassed and ashamed! No wonder she doesn't want to go home!

You have been put in an impossible situation.

Some posters are projecting their own personal hang-ups onto your story and I would suggest you ignore them! As in: put them on your ignore list!

And before anybody raises the point, yes this girl is only 14 years old and still a child but that doesn't mean her mother can be so disrespectful to her.

corf999

Personally I think the grandmother is making it worse.

I think she should drive her home and hand her back to her mother - they will soon make up - keeping her away from her mother will be making mountains out of molehills.

Caroline_a

summerof0763 wrote: »

Thank you purpleshoes your right, I am just not in my right frame of mind just now as you can imagine I am stressed out and trying to be as supportive of granddaughter who is so upset over everything.daughter txted me yesterday to tell me she had put 20 pounds in bank for granddaughter keep lol, then went on to thank me for unlocking granddaughter phone, her phone is not unlocked so I have no idea where she is getting that from, anyway time to get organised for another day

This struck a bit of a note with me. I wonder has the granddaughter been telling her mother that her phone is locked, therefore she cannot call, answer, etc etc. OP, I think you aren't doing anyone any favours, least of all yourself by staying in the middle of all this. I would ignore the sob stories, tell your granddaughter that she's had long enough a break from home and that it's time to go back now.

Because you know that if it carries on... and then they make up... you will be vilified by both of them!

Mojisola

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Only the OP knows what her opinion of the situation is like.

If my grandparents had followed advice like on here I shudder to think how awful my life would have been. Thankfully for me they trusted their instincts and they were absolutely correct to do so.

corf999 wrote: »

Personally I think the grandmother is making it worse.

I think she should drive her home and hand her back to her mother - they will soon make up - keeping her away from her mother will be making mountains out of molehills.

None of us know whether the OP is making things worse or helping her grand-daughter to get out of an unpleasant situation at home.

There certainly should be someone at school who could help and provide a neutral place for them all to get together and talk things through.

summerof0763

Jan 20 thank you yes my daughter has trust issues she smojed and drank at 14 I had a hard time with her when she was younger, many a night I had to go out looking for her.

Stepdad got phone blocked on the sunday, so no granddaughter not making it up.
As for driving granddaughter home I don't drive, what am I meant to do drag her home I don't think so as I physically could not do it as for all of you telling me to put granddaughter out she has already saud she will not go home, so I am not willing to take that chance, what if something hapoened to her am sorry but I would never forgive myself.and I have asked daughter to come through and talk to her I would go to another room, but she is not taking me up on offer instead chooses to shout down the phone at granddaughter, great way to try getting her home

supermassive

corf999 wrote: »

Personally I think the grandmother is making it worse.

I think she should drive her home and hand her back to her mother - they will soon make up - keeping her away from her mother will be making mountains out of molehills.

Utter cluelessness. The grandmother doesn't have a duty to run around after the daughter. She needs to pick her own damn child up and stop being a brat. Kids having kids, clearly.

Caroline_a

There seems to be a lot of resentment from you, OP towards your daughter. Maybe from when she was younger? However, I think you have now moved from supporting daughter in a bit of a family argument to enabling her against her mother. If you were my mother or mother-in-law I would expect you to back me up when my daughter went against my wishes. Instead, you are positively encouraging the granddaughter to stay with you. In your daughter's situation I wouldn't be offering any sort of financial assistance, on the basis of the fact that there is a perfectly good home awaiting the granddaughter when she's got over her teenage rant.

I do wish you luck OP, because teenagers are notoriously fickle - that's their job! and I wouldn't want to be having to cope on a permanent basis when she wants to go out with boyfriends, etc etc etc... because of course you are then unlikely to get any help and support from her mother!