my 14yr old granddaughter has moved in

Edwardia

Mothers are not always rational and DO leap to conclusions.

I put a face pack on which left my face pink. My mother was having a really minor op the next day. She screamed at me, told me I had German Measles and her surgery would be cancelled. I'd had measles and German measles (she was one of those weird mothers who believe in dragging kids to play with strange kids so they get childhood illnesses) AND the rubella jab.

She called the village surgery and made me walk down there. I felt humiliated when the receptionists laughed at me and whisked me via separate entrance to see the doctor. I didn't have German measles, of course and the doctor also laughed at me.

The OP's granddaughter may feel a second class citizen in her family home bc of her stepfather. As her father is a drug addict, he's not a safe, responsible person for her to turn to.

The grandmother did encourage her daughter and granddaughter to sort it, but the mother seems only concerned with enforcing her authority rather than listening t her oldest child's needs.

The mother may well have heard cellphone voice distortion and laughter or a TV and leapt to the assumption that her daughter was partying. As her own mother fetched her daughter though, she was able to assure her that there wasn't any partying going on - yet daughter chose to disbelieve her mother and carry on giving her daughter grief.

I would suggest that getting child services involved would be a good idea. Who knows what is really going on in that household ? What if the mother is trying to cowe daughter into coming back bc she's frightened that her partner might get into trouble ?

Grandmother saw granddaughter crying heard mother screeching but no-one knows what was said.

A child with a good home life will want to go home.

Somerset

Poppie68 wrote: »

It's the biological dad that is on drugs ...

Thanks - I misread that

thorsoak

Just wondering ....Duchy - are you OP's daughter?

FBaby

Know something duchy you need to learn to read what I put down, I told you I went to see daughter who I love dearly and asked her to come and speak face to face with granddaughter at weekend, SHE did not turn up but PHONED and I MADE granddaughter talk to her mum, unfortunately mum started shouting down phone at granddaughter.

You can ask your daughter to speak face to face, but in the end, it is up to her whether she wants to or not. Similarly, she can shout at her daughter if she thinks it appropriate (even if it really isn't the best way to resolve matters). In your situation, the best you can do is make suggestion to both of them on how to reconcile, but you can't tell them to do it.

You say that you really want your grand daughther to go home. Have you spoken to her about what would make her do so? Why doesn't she want to? Is it a case of her having been unhappy at home for some time and that episode was the icing on the cake, or is it a case of stubborness, thinking that she is right, her mum wrong and therefore not going back because she expects her mum to make the first move?

In the first instance, then you are doing the right think keeping her and should try to see about finding out what the issues are and talking to your daughter about it. If it is the second, then you need to tell your grand daughter that she is only 14 year old and still under her mum's rules. Even if her mum was wrong and she wasn't drinking alcohol when she thought she was -what gave her the idea that she was in the first place?), she needs to accept that parents are sometimes wrong, that they impose curfews etc... to protect them, and it is not for them to question the fairness of them at that age. You are doing her no favour in this instance.

summerof0763

Fbaby granddaughter been unhappy for a long time and that was final straw, she has often told me about things that she is unhappy about, like mum accussing her of drinking, I had a problem with daughter drinking at 14 and she would just walk out house or skive school so she seems to think that that's what granddaughter does when she is out.granddaughter is not an angel but she is not a bad girl either gets good reports from school

FBaby

How many times has she accused her of drinking? Surely it takes a lot more than this to be that unhappy at home. Why is mum persuaded that she is drinking if she isn't?

Mojisola

summerof0763 wrote: »

granddaughter been unhappy for a long time and that was final straw, she has often told me about things that she is unhappy about, like mum accussing her of drinking, I had a problem with daughter drinking at 14 and she would just walk out house or skive school so she seems to think that that's what granddaughter does when she is out.granddaughter is not an angel but she is not a bad girl either gets good reports from school

Would her moving in permanently with you be practical?

At 14, your grand-daughter is old enough to have some say in where she lives.

duchy

summerof0763 wrote: »

Fbaby granddaughter been unhappy for a long time and that was final straw, she has often told me about things that she is unhappy about, like mum accussing her of drinking,

Yet

summerof0763 wrote: »

Stepdad been around since granddaughter was 3 half other kids are 8, 4, 1 mum and daughter get on normally and yes have there fall outs but nothing like this one, .

Either they usually get along or they don't.......

Carmina-Piranha_2

Just because teenagers can be hormonal and silly doesn't mean they are not genuinely unhappy.

I have to say if I'd run off to grandma's house feeling all hard done to because my mum favoured the other siblings then if ten days later my mum hadn't even been to see me, well my fears would have been confirmed for me!

summerof0763

She could live with me, I just don't want to cause problems and obviously I want to be able to talk to my daughter and see my other grandchildren.
But if push comes to shove I will look after granddaughter