my 14yr old granddaughter has moved in

duchy

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

The bolded bit confused me. OP suggests that the girl was allowed to stay at her friend's house? Why then, did mum want her to come home at 10pm?

.

My guess would be Mum heard something when she spoke to her on the phone -I suggested "party type noises". A world of difference between a sleepover and say an older sibling having a gathering ( which would account for the alcohol and smoking suggestion too) at the house.

summerof0763

Before I go any further my granddaughter was staying at her friend house that nightwith her mum blessing, mum phoned her at 10 pm and fell out with her and accused her of drinking and told her to get home she lives 15 miles away fromtown.then my daughter asked me to take her so got granddaughter up to my house absolutely no smell of alcohol but very upset at her mum accussing her, when my granddaughter refused to go home on the sun one of her friends brought a spare uniform in for her to wear, better to keep her in education, then I went and bought a set of uniform to do her hoping all would be sorted, I have been in constant contact with my daughter asking her to come through so daughter and granddaughter can talk I went through talked with her on thurs she was meant to come see granddaughter this weekend, instead she she txted me told me granddaughter had to abswer ohone so I gave ohone to granddaughter and I heard my daughter shouting down the phone, so duchy no a she is not butter wouldnt melt in her mouth, she has had a rough start in life now stepdad mire interested in his kids, so to be honest yes if I have to I will keep her where she is safe n happy then

sharnad

Is she unsafe at home. You do realise if she is safe and it's just a falling out your doing more harm than good. It's natural for a step dad to be more interested in his kids that his partners. How long gave they been together

JIL

Wow In the absence of facts some people make it up and fill in the gaps !!

Can it not be possible that the mother could be in the wrong?

summerof0763

Am sorry but duchy you are really upsetting me my granddaughter was allowed to stay at her friends house and I went down to walk my granddaughter up to my house there was no wild party it was my granddaughter and two friends and the mum so please stop trying to say my granddaughter was in wrong she is a normal 14yr old girl, has never played me I have 5 grandchildren and would not see any of them on the street but like your saying am doing it for the money forget it in fact why not take my disability seeing as it annoys you I have taxoayers money to be honest I would rather work but hey ho life dealt me a wrong deal and am paying for it

duchy

summerof0763 wrote: »

on the sun one of her friends brought a spare uniform in for her to wear, better to keep her in education,

So she had school clothes to go to school in - and you went out and bought MORE ?

I'm sorry but if it was a couple of days to cool off then the uniform can be washed overnight. You had no need to buy more.

You may not agree with your daughter's marriage but that is no reason to undermine their family unit. To then expect the state to support you financially in your efforts to alienate your grandaughter from her family unit is unbelievable. All fourteen year olds think their parents are unreasonable and don't understand how mature they really are.

I've worked with this age group - They will often tell you how something happened -and it's only when you dig you discover the telling has totally omitted something that changes the story- Not because they are deliberately lying but because they are seeing it as the child they are and miss the relevance (like in this instance why Mum told her to come home-it seems unlikely there was no reason for Mum to change her mind.

No-one is forcing you to have your granddaughter to stay with you. If you were to tell her she needed to go home - you know she'd go. To grumble that neither Mum or the state are prepared to fund you in keeping her with you when she has a home where there is no suggestion of neglect or cruelty but simply the usual teenage drama is simply ridiculous .

As an adult you should be talking to your daughter and showing your granddaughter how adults sort out conflict by example .

I'm sorry if this upsets you - but frankly if you aren't part of the solution then you are part of the problem fits this whole sorry mess.

As for your childish comments about your disability - no-one has mentioned it -the only mention is of benefits you think you should be able to claim for your granddaughter -and as the parent of a son with a disability playing the disabled card doesn't work with me- sorry !

As for "I'd never see her on the street" why would she be on the street- she has a home with her mother.......so that is just pure drama lama-ness.

Poppie68

duchy wrote: »

So she had school clothes to go to school in - and you went out and bought MORE ?

I'm sorry but if it was a couple of days to cool off then the uniform can be washed overnight. You had no need to buy more.

You may not agree with your daughter's marriage but that is no reason to undermine their family unit. To then expect the state to support you financially in your efforts to alienate your grandaughter from her family unit is unbelievable. All fourteen year olds think their parents are unreasonable and don't understand how mature they really are.

I've worked with this age group - They will often tell you how something happened -and it's only when you dig you discover the telling has totally omitted something that changes the story- Not because they are deliberately lying but because they are seeing it as the child they are and miss the relevance (like in this instance why Mum told her to come home-it seems unlikely there was no reason for Mum to change her mind.

No-one is forcing you to have your granddaughter to stay with you. If you were to tell her she needed to go home - you know she'd go. To grumble that neither Mum or the state are prepared to fund you in keeping her with you when she has a home where there is no suggestion of neglect or cruelty but simply the usual teenage drama is simply ridiculous .

As an adult you should be talking to your daughter and showing your granddaughter how adults sort out conflict by example .

I'm sorry if this upsets you - but frankly if you aren't part of the solution then you are part of the problem fits this whole sorry mess.

As for your childish comments about your disability - no-one has mentioned it -the only mention is of benefits you think you should be able to claim for your granddaughter -and as the parent of a son with a disability playing the disabled card doesn't work with me- sorry !

As for "I'd never see her on the street" why would she be on the street- she has a home with her mother.......so that is just pure drama lama-ness.

WOW.... Climb down off your high horse.....you seem to believe your version of the Ops story is the truth but all your showing is aggression against someone who came on here with a problem... how ugly!

GobbledyGook

OP if you believe your granddaughter is in some sort of danger at home then let your daughter called SS.

If your granddaughter is being a stroppy teen then she'll be like that with you when the honeymoon period wears off. If you are simply making a point against your daughter's husband then you are in the wrong.

However, if your granddaughter genuinely needs to be out of her mother's home/care then she's lucky to have you.

Yes it's possible the OP's granddaughter is having a strop, but why are people basically writing the story themselves? Only the OP knows what her opinion of the situation is like. If my grandparents had followed advice like on here I shudder to think how awful my life would have been. Thankfully for me they trusted their instincts and they were absolutely correct to do so.

SingleSue

Blimey, I missed all this 'fun' with my boys...my parents however had to deal with a proper little madam.

Me!

Seanymph

I am afraid I agree with Duchy - Parenting is hard enough, without grandparents with part of a story and a manipulative teen barging in and undermining you.

We had it, and the grandmother single handedly created complete non communication between my OH and his daughter.

The grandmother phones us when she wants money, because her grandaughter has stolen from her, or brought bailiffs to the door, or not made payments on the bank loan the grandmother took out to cover her pay day loans, or been fired from another carers job for stealing from the elderly she goes to, or crashed another car.......

Somehow, despite her refusing to discuss what we we trying to achieve, the truth of what was going on, and her offering somewhere alternative for her grandaughter to live 'what a terrible step mother, she doesn't feed you, makes you sleep with her children in a shared room, doesn't give you the same as them....'. All rubbish - all lies passed along for sympathy and to 'punish' her father for not pandering to her over and above the other children in the family.

I feel grandparents should SUPPORT the parents - if there are issues, and your daughter is not coping, or the step father is not behaving appropriately (and I doubt that) then you help THEM to help your grandaughter - you don't take her away from them.

Are you lonely? I am left, based on our circumstances, to wonder what you get out of it - meeting your needs by wrecking other peoples relationships is very unpleasant. What you are now doing will have long reaching effects.

Send her home, lock the door when she goes to school and don't let her back in again.