my 14yr old granddaughter has moved in

GwylimT

Poppie68 wrote: »

Yes but was your son subjected to a step parent that talks down to him and makes himfeel miserable?

Which isn't an excuse to take advantage of two people.

Carmina-Piranha_2

It says here to contact the child benefit office if the child has lived away for 56 nights out of the past 16 weeks https://www.gov.uk/report-changes-child-benefit

VfM4meplse

duchy wrote: »

I don't see calling in social services as a "pleasure" but as the next step in breaking the deadlock the grandmother is fueling. No point in Mum collecting her if Nan is siding with the child and telling her she can stay.

Break the deadlock? What is this, negotiating with the IRA?!

Social services is for children at risk, not a convenience for parents that cannot be bothered to parent properly. What the daughter is threatening is an abuse of taxpayers money.

I feel for the OP, why should she see her own flesh and blood handed over to foster carers when all it would take is for the daughter to step up.

clark24

I think the granddaughter is lucky to have somewhere safe to go, where she is loved and looked after. There is obviously going to be many sides to the story, and rights and wrongs on all sides but the girl is safe and being looked after, in the home of a close family member and this is obviously something she needs at this time, for whatever reason.

So to the OP, thankyou for taking her in, caring for her and not rejecting her even though it is obviously a difficult and stressful time for you.

Poppie68

GwylimT wrote: »

Which isn't an excuse to take advantage of two people.

Seems to me that the mother is the one taking advantage, why isn't she doing everything she can to speak to her daughter and find out what's troubling her...never mind phoning she should be on the doorstep.... 14 year olds don't think of financial implications but her mother should be making sure the grandmother is not out of pocket while sitting down and listening to her child..

meritaten

I agree with poppie68. I was a mum before I was a nan and under the same circumstances I have gone up my mums, the very next day to talk calmly with 'errant child' and take her/him home. Not screamed abuse at them down the phone! I feel that the nan thinks the home situation is not good at this time and is reluctant to put the child in a bad situation. Of course, I don't KNOW that - but, its what I think anyway.

duchy

I suggest you research properly.
SS do have a role in safeguarding in situations like this where the supposed adults in the situation can't handle the situation. Like this one - Grandma wants kid living with her but wants the taxpayer to fund it-and rift between Mum and Grandma is growing -and little madam is loving it all playing them off against each other.

What fourteen year old wouldn't want to be pampered at Grannys instead of living at home with three younger siblings and having to muck in.

Scenario to me is kid went to a party at friend's house- party noises heard by Mum when she rang to find out why she wasn't home by agreed time. Daughter claimed she'd "have to stay" as it was too late/too far. Mum says no - go to Granny's and tomorrow we will discuss why you weren't home by the time you should be and what your punishment will be.

Daughter spins Granny a very sanitized version (Granny has yet to provide the explanation for why a 14 year old was too far from home to get home at 10pm ) and turns on the waterworks to avoid the difficult questions. Granny is duped, Mum is now livid with both daughter and Granny and it all kicks off with stubborness all round. One has to wonder who is the adult here. None of them apparently.

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Break the deadlock? What is this, negotiating with the IRA?!

Social services is for children at risk, not a convenience for parents that cannot be bothered to parent properly. What the daughter is threatening is an abuse of taxpayers money.

I feel for the OP, why should she see her own flesh and blood handed over to foster carers when all it would take is for the daughter to step up.

squirrelchops

'Social Services' aren't going to want to know.
Although there is family disagreement over where Granddaughter should be staying, she is safe and well.

This is not a safeguarding issue - this is a family issue and needs to be sorted out by the family without involving Social Workers, who, a week before Christmas will be facing just about every Child Protection matter known to man!

cazziebo

Having been through the mill with two teenage girls I can sympathise with both parties here.

It's good that the granddaughter has somewhere to go to cool off. And that's what it should be - somewhere to calm down, let dust settle and then deal with the issues. It's much better than getting on a bus to London and living on the streets.

However, nan's house shouldn't be used as a pawn in a game. If there are underlying issues and it's decided -by the adults - that nan's house is the best place to live, then there has to be a conversation about ground rules etc.

As other posters have said, teenagers are generally a pain. They need - and look for- boundaries. To allow this situation to continue where the 14 year old is in control is a mistake.

Carmina-Piranha_2

duchy wrote: »

What fourteen year old wouldn't want to be pampered at Grannys instead of living at home with three younger siblings and having to muck in.

Scenario to me is kid went to a party at friend's house- party noises heard by Mum when she rang to find out why she wasn't home by agreed time. Daughter claimed she'd "have to stay" as it was too late/too far. Mum says no - go to Granny's and tomorrow we will discuss why you weren't home by the time you should be and what your punishment will be.

The bolded bit confused me. OP suggests that the girl was allowed to stay at her friend's house? Why then, did mum want her to come home at 10pm?

Also, about mucking in - I hope the grand-daughter is mucking in at grandma's house, doing the washing up and helping with the cooking and shopping, hoovering, etc. and putting the bins out. And also going to school and sticking to curfews. If not, then grandma's house is a life of leisure compared to the normal mucking in that comes with part of being a family.

My views on this are coloured by my own experiences, and in our case there was a safeguarding issue which is why I naturally feel sorry for an upset teenager - but if my teenager ran to his grandma's I would want her to set boundaries for him.