my 14yr old granddaughter has moved in

summerof0763

my daughter and granddaughter fell out a week past sat and my granddaughter been living with me since.

daughter and granddaughter fell out on phone and my daughter told granddaughter to get home this was 10pm and granddaughter was meant to be staying at her friends house,granddaughter refused to go home as was miles away and she didnt want to go on her own,my daughter then told granddaughter she had to stay at mine as i stay near her friend.
so she came to me but told me she was not going home as her mum was being really nasty to her,since then things have gone from bad to worse my daughter falling out on me for not making granddaughter go home,i have asked her to go home but she is refusing.

now my daughter says she is getting social workers as she is sick of it all,i have spent a fortune as grandaugter only had clothes for next day i have had to buy chool uniform,basic clothes etc,pay for dinners buy meals etc.my daughter has not given me a penny and i am on disability so am strugling can someone tell me where i can get help please thanks

supermassive

Bang their heads together? If this is a permanent or long term move, contact the DWP and they'll get her child benefit etc sent your way.

duchy

She's playing you two off against each other. You and her Mum need to sit down and talk about what is best for her.

No-one forced you to buy her school uniform -you chose to do that and enable her to stay away from home longer. If you can't afford to feed her or give her lunch money then say so. If life wasn't quite so comfy at Nan's she might have more incentive to sort things out with her Mum.

To get any money for her you'd have to get Mum to agree to sign the child benefit over to you as that is what triggers any benefits for a child. Without that you'll get nothing.

If I was your daughter I wouldn't give you a penny either. You are undermining her as a parent. Most fourteen year old girls have some conflict with their parents. Your role should be to help - not widen the gulf between them.

Fourteen year olds tend to see the world solely in terms of themselves so your grandauhter's version of Mum's nastiness may simply be Mum setting boundries-and her not liking it. This all started over her breaking curfew after all...and trying to claim it was too late to travel home and she "needed" to stay at her friend's house. Mum saw this for what it it was and insisted she went to yours instead. Smart lady.

If you don't want to be supporting your grandaughter out of your DLA until she is eighteen perhaps you should stop enabling the situation and start working with Mum instead.

VfM4meplse

How exactly can you make your granddaughter go home? And what's stopping her mum from acting like a parent and picking her up from yours?

As duchy says, by funding her you are being an active enabler. Let her stay with you by all means but remain neutral and don't go out of your way to establish her in your home any longer than a guest. What pleasure your daughter gets from threatening to go to SS is beyond me. Your grandaughter is the product of her upbringing.

suicidebob

Tell your daughter to come pick her up. That seems the normal thing to do.

duchy

VfM4meplse wrote: »

What pleasure your daughter gets from threatening to go to SS is beyond me. Your grandaughter is the product of her upbringing.

And the mother is a product of the OP's .
I have to wonder how the OP would have felt if HER parenting had been undermined in this way when she was raising her daughter.

I don't see calling in social services as a "pleasure" but as the next step in breaking the deadlock the grandmother is fueling. No point in Mum collecting her if Nan is siding with the child and telling her she can stay.

summerof0763

I went through to my daughter on thurs and asked her to come through and see her daughter as I she accussed her of having been drinking on the sat night and I can assure you my granddaughter was sober, my granddaughter is into running and dancing, she is not interested in drinking nor smoking which is another thing she has been accussed of.
I had to buy uniform or she would be sent home from school as they are strict.
Her mum was meant to come through yesterday instead she phoned granddaughter and started shouting and screaming at her to get home as she was in so much trouble, my granddaughter sat with tears running down her face, then her mum said she was off to phone ss and hung up on granddaughter.I have no way of forcing my granddaughter home and to be honest she has told me a few times that her stepdad calks her a waste of space and goes on to speak to his 3 kids

duchy

So butter wouldn't melt in her mouth ?
Sorry but you are making the situation worse with your belief that fourteen year olds don't experiment or act out. Most do -even the good ones.

Social services sounds like a good idea as they will mediate and be an unbiased participant.

If Mum comes to collect her - and you tell her she has to go home and can't stay -what would happen ? You CAN force her to go home.....you just don't want to.

If you were my mother I'd be beyond furious with you.

summerof0763 wrote: »

I went through to my daughter on thurs and asked her to come through and see her daughter as I she accussed her of having been drinking on the sat night and I can assure you my granddaughter was sober, my granddaughter is into running and dancing, she is not interested in drinking nor smoking which is another thing she has been accussed of.
I had to buy uniform or she would be sent home from school as they are strict.
Her mum was meant to come through yesterday instead she phoned granddaughter and started shouting and screaming at her to get home as she was in so much trouble, my granddaughter sat with tears running down her face, then her mum said she was off to phone ss and hung up on granddaughter.I have no way of forcing my granddaughter home and to be honest she has told me a few times that her stepdad calks her a waste of space and goes on to speak to his 3 kids

suicidebob

I feel sorry for the granddaughter. What a start in life she's had with these two doing their best to mess her up.

j.e.j.

summerof0763 wrote: »

she has told me a few times that her stepdad calks her a waste of space and goes on to speak to his 3 kids

This bit stands out, to me. There's trouble with the step-dad as well as with the mum.

Nan's house sounds like the only place the granddaughter can go to when things get tough at home.

I suspect the threats to go to SS are a bluff, if the home environment is bad and there's a step-parent involved.

Poppie68

First thing that jumps out is a 14 year old having a curfew of 10 o clock..! Way too late but that's my opinion... my 3 daughters didn't have a 10 o clock curfew until they left school...the next issue or issues are the mum allowing her daughter to lay down the law by her refusal to go home. Your daughter is showing a total disregard for her daughter and her feelings by allowing this to continue, any half decent parent would be banging your door down to speak to their child and listening to their concerns.. it sounds like your granddaughter has soon serious issues with her home life that maybe a third party intervention may not be a bad thing...even if it's another family member or close family friend......
In regards to the money side of things, if your granddaughter stays with you long-term seek help from either SS or CAB to obtain all child related payments your daughter receives for her child....and also look into child support from both biological parents, in the meantime save all receipts and ask for reimbursement for any granddaughter related items.