Awkward Decison to Make

tesuhoha

LannieDuck wrote: »

I hope it works out for you OP. It sounds as if you're being sensible about it - you've lent no more than you're prepared to write off if you have to, and this way you're giving him a chance to prove himself. As long as you don't follow up this loan with further loans, of course....

Thank you. This is all I am ever going to do for him. If its not enough or he asks again then tough. I'm not in the habit of helping people who can't make the most of a golden opportunity.

seven-day-weekend

If you decide to help him out, then don't expect to get the money back.

We did this with a family member, she was supposed to pay it back but we 'lent' her the money in full knowledge that we would probably get none back.

We didn't get it back and haven't lent her any more . (We have given her small sums however. I couldn't see her sitting in her house with no heating .). However, we still have a good relationship. This is far more important than the money.

FWIW, providing you are aware that you may not get the money back, I think you have done the right thing. Everybody deserves a chance.

purpleshoes_2

tesuhoha wrote: »

I have forwarded the money to him and he sent me a text message asking for my bank details so he can set up a direct debit.

How much money are we talking about? 3 figures? 4?

LEJC

Going forward in a practical sense....have you agreed a repayment plan and got that in writing from him and signed?
ie how much he borrowed and clearly stating when and how much repayments should be


If any problems occur whilst you dont have a legal doument signed at least you have something to prove that you handed over the money to him with the intention of it being repaid as opposed to depositing money into his account which could just be seen as a gift if there was ever a challenge in the future.
Paying money into a nephews account at this time of year without a clear and defined paper trail could so easily interpreted as a "generous christmas gift"


I hope all goes well for you and that what he and you are doing will result in a long term friendship and rebuilding of what you may have previously lost. You are certainly dealing with it in the way you see fit even if others and I have to admit myself a route I would not go down.
It is a risk...and some risks are worth taking but its also wise to protect yourself slightly if things dont turn out as you would have hoped

In_Debt_Bet

tesuhoha wrote: »

The son has struggled to make something of himself and is training to be a class 1 hgv driver. I know his character and I believe he is a good person.

I hope your nephew justifies your faith in him, I think the fact that he asked for your bank details so that he could set up a direct debit also speaks for his character. These days it is all too easy to get into financial trouble, maybe it's worth directing him to this site (if you haven't already done so) so that once he has paid off his debts he doesn't make the same mistakes again. With regards to the loan in your situation I would have done exactly the same thing.

meer53

purpleshoes wrote: »

How much money are we talking about? 3 figures? 4?

It's in the OP.

partialycloudy

If I was ever in the same situation then I would do the same OP.
I am quite close to my nieces who are quite young but could easily become estranged since I am not close to my brother and he is no longer with their mother....I only see them through my mum.
If (God forbid) we lost contact for 20 odd years, I would still be there in a heart beat to help them if they needed it.

Also, I am surprised at posters for being so judgemental about someone getting themselves in to financial difficulties.....isn't this meant to be forum to help people with money, whether they have tons of spare case is neither here nor there really....people make mistakes and get ahead of themselves very easily now a days and seems like the nephew is making the right moves to sort himself out....who are we to judge...

SailorSam

I think the Op has made the right decision. As i said earlier and i've said on threads in the past i've fell out with some of my family, but that's got nothing to do with my Nieces who were only little at the time, and who i loved to pieces. Even though i've not seen a lot of them in recent years, i'm sure if they needed help in 20yrs i wouldn't turn my back on them.
You can't blame the children for any fall-out you had with the parents.

barbiedoll

I can understand everyone's reluctance to encourage you to lend/give him the money but, as you stated, he has had a somewhat chaotic home life and if you can afford it, why not help him out?

It's nice that he could come to you and he seems keen to pay it back. Of course, he may be a gambler/drinker/drug-taker and he may have cleared everyone else out before coming to you as a last resort but you seem to have faith in him and as he is working and has a girlfriend, it sounds as though he is just caught in a bit of a tight spot, a lot of us on here know what that's like.

Let us know how it pans out, it will be interesting to see if your faith in him is justified. And if you have a closer relationship with him because of this, well, that's a bonus.

TBeckett100

Does this nephew send you a birthday or Christmas card?

To contact someone after 27 years would mean that you are at the end of a long line of people who have thought better

Sorry but I would give a request out of the blue from someone who has no regard to keep in touch with the same sprit as this person has been with you

If the business will fail, let it fail. You won't get your money back if he can't borrow peanuts elsewhere

I'd say he has a huge debt problem and his business bank manager probably sees it as throwing good money away