Awkward Decison to Make

January20

tesuhoha wrote: »

That's why I've offered him an interest free loan of £1,000 over 12 months. Based on his income and outgoings this is an affordable payment of £80 for him. I have no reason to think that he will not pay me back. I was never going to guarantee a loan from a payday company.

People have helped me out in the past.

I hope you come back in a few months telling us he has paid you back. It would be lovely for the cynics to be proven wrong :D
And for you to get the money back of course!

Beckyy

Only lend him the money if you can afford not to get it back. I hate to be a cynic but with no contact for 27 years then he comes out of the blue when he needs money doesn't give the best impression. Do you know what the money is for?

I hope it works out for you OP.

Seanymph

OH has children who are 'off the rails' financially.

We have tried to steer them by giving consequences, supporting and educating, paying things and trying to get it back....

Parenting - you know, where you do the best for the child (now adult) but in a way that enables them to learn and modify their behaviour so they become better people.

When we got to 'tough love' areas, still there, still a safety net, but enabling the consequences of reckless, parasitic behaviour actually biting them hard enough to hurt, they went off and starting suckering family members.

Close ones, then ones further away.

They would rather leech off other people, than take the harder road of accepting responsiblity for actions, and modifying their behaviour to rectify the situation they had created.

They lie to these family members, they give sob stories - and then they take their money, laugh gleefully, and go spend it on whatever they incurred the debt for in the first place.

You are undermining, potentially, and from my experience, a parent who may well NOT be unsupportive, but may be trying their best to teach a life lesson to a selfish, reckless, moral less individual who would take money from anyone soft enough to hand it over.

warmhands.coldheart

tesuhoha wrote: »

He didn't ask for it but I've just offered him an interest free loan of £1000 over 13 months, £40 being the last payment. £1,000 won't break my heart but I just have a gut feeling that he will pay me back. I'll update you and let you know.

Sometimes you just have to trust people. Its not like he's not working or anything.

As said before by some other posters, if you are in a position that you can afford the money and not be bitter if it is not paid back for whatever reason I think you have done the right thing (it is Christmas after all) don't hold it against him if not paid back and maybe you could use this experience to re-connect with your wider family again..

peachyprice

tesuhoha wrote: »

Apparently he doesn't earn much - £370 pw He is living with his dad (my brother) and his dad wants to charge him rent he can't afford .

Earns £370 pw, lives with his parent? Is he having a laugh? He should have more disposable income than most, the kind of money some could only dream of.

If he thinks that is not earning very much and can't get by on that he's in desperate need of financial education, not a bail out.

Stevie_Palimo

peachyprice wrote: »

Earns £370 pw, lives with his parent? Is he having a laugh? He should have more disposable income than most, the kind of money some could only dream of.

If he thinks that is not earning very much and can't get by on that he's in desperate need of financial education, not a bail out.

This may not be the case, Have you been told his income versus outgoings ?????? No so then saying this is wrong.


For all you know he may have a loan, car finance, repairs and so on albeit figures we do not know and then add a move in to the mix and I am not being funny but £1500.00 is hardly a large chunk of change when looking at a car repair and move.


Whilst £370.00 may be a decent figure to earn for a lot of people if you take a look at average earnings then this is probably below par, I have helped out family that I have not spoke to for years and as stated only lend what you can afford to write off.


Only had one family member not return the money to me but this was not a large amount and to be honest they need it more than I do so I was happy to forget about it.

smifffy1989

I wouldn't lend the money, you will probably not see it back. If you are going to lend it to them you want to make sure it is documented and bank transferred so there is a paper trail.

Jagraf

tesuhoha wrote: »

That's why I've offered him an interest free loan of £1,000 over 12 months. Based on his income and outgoings this is an affordable payment of £80 for him. I have no reason to think that he will not pay me back. I was never going to guarantee a loan from a payday company.

People have helped me out in the past.

That's what I would have done. I would have taken a chance and done this to help out. I wouldn't expect the money back, but if it does come your way, then maybe t will have been a good thing and you can have a relationship with your nephew (sounds like he's had a rough time).

My friend looked after her niece for 7 years rather than her having to go into foster care. That was a big big ask. She's a gorgeous young adult now.

So long as you know you may be let down so be it. You're giving him a chance, well done you.

warehouse

tesuhoha wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Its not good to have your trust abused. I'm too mean to lend anymore so I'm not worried. I've lent my daughter money a few times and she has always paid me back every penny so I suppose I expect to be repaid.

There's a huge difference between your Daughter and someone you haven't heard from for over a quarter of a century. You will not see that money again, so at least give it to your own Daughter rather than this loser.

tesuhoha

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

He only earns £370 a week, eh? Wind up.

He's my nephew. My first thought about him is not that he is a con artist.