Awkward Decison to Make

Buzzybee90

tesuhoha wrote: »

Well I'm a bit old fashioned and don't consider Facebook as proper contact. However, I've just realised that is why I feel so confident about lending the money because I have learned so much about his life and who he is from being nosey on Facebook.

He earns about 24k (presuming 370 was his take home) and doesn't even live away from home? He should be swimming in money.

You should absolutely NOT lend money to him, 27 years a very, very long time. Do not lend money to anyone you don't trust with your life.

tesuhoha

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

He earns about 24k (presuming 370 was his take home) and doesn't even live away from home? He should be swimming in money.

You should absolutely NOT lend money to him, 27 years a very, very long time. Do not lend money to anyone you don't trust with your life.

Okay that's fair enough but this is a new job. He hasn't been earning this money for very long. He has been doing driver training and has qualified in Class 2. Now he has this work he wants to move to a shared room which is actually cheaper than living at home.

He has only had periodic work in the past, working on installing windfarms in the UK and Norway. With his chaotic upbringing he has struggled to find his way. Now he is working towards his Class 1 HGV I think he just wants to get straight. This is a huge leap of faith for me I know but there isn't anyone else to help him.

tesuhoha

LEJC wrote: »

I lost contact with my neices and nephews for many years following a family fued that didnt really impact our direct situation but the upshot was we lost contact for 20 years.


I am now facebook friends with 2 of them and over the past 3 years we have slowly rebuilt a relationship...having said that I wouldnt lend them money or act as guarantor....I simply dont want to sour what we have by the possibilty of repayment not being made.


OP if you are in a position to lend the money and write it off if its not repaid then Yes go ahead....but if not then politely decline.
You can be sympathetic to your newphews needs but it doesnt mean that you should bail him out unless it is an amount you can truly afford to lose.


Think very carefully before you get involved...it is perfectly reasonable to say no ...and if that causes tension or offence with your nephew then so be it.

I'm just helping him because he is desperate to pay off his debts. I've told him exactly how I want to be paid back and it is easily affordable for him. He has a new job. I think it is easy to get into financial trouble if your work is unreliable and I think that is what has happened.

burnsguitarman

It's so easy as a child, to be influenced by your Parents, and get the wrong information on people and family.
I learned this, and am still learning (at the age of 54) that some of my very few relatives, are not at all bad, despite my Parents having me believe so. Unfortunatley, most of them are no longer with us and so it is too late. This is probably one of the reasons why the nephew, hasn't had much contact with the OP.

tesuhoha

burnsguitarman wrote: »

It's so easy as a child, to be influenced by your Parents, and get the wrong information on people and family.
I learned this, and am still learning (at the age of 54) that some of my very few relatives, are not at all bad, despite my Parents having me believe so. Unfortunatley, most of them are no longer with us and so it is too late. This is probably one of the reasons why the nephew, hasn't had much contact with the OP.

This might be true because his mother rings me occasionally and screams abuse down the phone about my brother and my mother (who died in 1999). I no longer answer the phone in case it is her.

Errata

tesuhoha wrote: »

This might be true because his mother rings me occasionally and screams abuse down the phone about my brother and my mother (who died in 1999). I no longer answer the phone in case it is her.

Nobody can phone you because you won't answer the phone? That's a ten ton hammer to crack a dried pea. Answer the phone, if you don't want to speak to the person who's calling - put the phone down. It's that simple.

meer53

I think he's being cheeky asking for this favour, even if he is offering to pay it back. He's not a child, he's old enough and earns enough to find this money himself. If it were me, i would say no. The fact he has made no effort to contact you for 27 years apart from on Facebook says it all. What happened before Facebook ?

tesuhoha

Errata wrote: »

Nobody can phone you because you won't answer the phone? That's a ten ton hammer to crack a dried pea. Answer the phone, if you don't want to speak to the person who's calling - put the phone down. It's that simple.

I have an answering machine and I also don't answer the landline phone because of cold callers in spite of the Telephone Preference Service. Most people know my mobile phone number anyway and can call me on that.

LannieDuck

I hope it works out for you OP. It sounds as if you're being sensible about it - you've lent no more than you're prepared to write off if you have to, and this way you're giving him a chance to prove himself. As long as you don't follow up this loan with further loans, of course....

tesuhoha

meer53 wrote: »

I think he's being cheeky asking for this favour, even if he is offering to pay it back. He's not a child, he's old enough and earns enough to find this money himself. If it were me, i would say no. The fact he has made no effort to contact you for 27 years apart from on Facebook says it all. What happened before Facebook ?

I don't actually mind not being contacted by him. We are not very sociable people ourselves. As I said in the past his work situation has been sporadic but now he has this driving job he should be able to sort himself out.

I don't get on with the parents but I do have an overall family loyalty. Yes I suppose it is cheeky but maybe desperation comes into it too. I don't know what else to say but after speaking to him on the phone last night I wanted to help him out.