Awkward Decison to Make

tesuhoha

warehouse wrote: »

There's a huge difference between your Daughter and someone you haven't heard from for over a quarter of a century. You will not see that money again, so at least give it to your own Daughter rather than this loser.

Okay I will let you know if that is the case and say you were right all along.

justme111

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

This may not be the case, Have you been told his income versus outgoings ?????? No so then saying this is wrong.


For all you know he may have a loan, car finance, repairs and so on albeit figures we do not know and then add a move in to the mix and I am not being funny but £1500.00 is hardly a large chunk of change when looking at a car repair and move.


Whilst £370.00 may be a decent figure to earn for a lot of people if you take a look at average earnings then this is probably below par, I have helped out family that I have not spoke to for years and as stated only lend what you can afford to write off.


Only had one family member not return the money to me but this was not a large amount and to be honest they need it more than I do so I was happy to forget about it.

But thats precisely the point - he should not been in a situation where his outgoing are higher as this would mean poor management. Well , as op and her husband calculated his income and outgoings it would mean he has done full disclosure so one can only hope he will not miss this chance to get his affairs straight.

partialycloudy

Think people are being a bit harsh....The OP has not added why they have not spoken for 27 years....
Just because someone is having financial difficulties why does that make them a loser?!

JoW123

tesuhoha wrote: »

He didn't ask for it but I've just offered him an interest free loan of £1000 over 13 months, £40 being the last payment. £1,000 won't break my heart but I just have a gut feeling that he will pay me back. I'll update you and let you know.

Sometimes you just have to trust people. Its not like he's not working or anything.

Sometimes, just sometimes, it's worth having some faith in others. You may get it back, you may not, but if we all saw the worst in everyone the world would be a sadder place.

tesuhoha

peachyprice wrote: »

Earns £370 pw, lives with his parent? Is he having a laugh? He should have more disposable income than most, the kind of money some could only dream of.

If he thinks that is not earning very much and can't get by on that he's in desperate need of financial education, not a bail out.

However, living with this parent is not a cheap option. He can get a room share cheaper.

I'm just giving him a chance to get himself straight which is basically what he is asking for. I don't think that is so bad.

dandelionclock30

I think OP will be ripped off by the relative.Any decent person doesnt go round asking for money off people they havent seen for years.
I would have directed them to someone that does debt advice and also to the Credit Union.
OP if you havent actually given him the money yet please think again.

peachyprice

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

This may not be the case, Have you been told his income versus outgoings ?????? No so then saying this is wrong.


For all you know he may have a loan, car finance, repairs and so on albeit figures we do not know and then add a move in to the mix and I am not being funny but £1500.00 is hardly a large chunk of change when looking at a car repair and move.

Exactly the point I was making. He's living beyond his means.

He's still living at home with his father and should have very little outgoings, but if he has a loan/car finance etc, that he can't cope with on an income of £1500 a month whilst living at home he'll never make it out there in the real world without financial re-education.

tesuhoha

Seanymph wrote: »

OH has children who are 'off the rails' financially.

We have tried to steer them by giving consequences, supporting and educating, paying things and trying to get it back....

Parenting - you know, where you do the best for the child (now adult) but in a way that enables them to learn and modify their behaviour so they become better people.

When we got to 'tough love' areas, still there, still a safety net, but enabling the consequences of reckless, parasitic behaviour actually biting them hard enough to hurt, they went off and starting suckering family members.

Close ones, then ones further away.

They would rather leech off other people, than take the harder road of accepting responsiblity for actions, and modifying their behaviour to rectify the situation they had created.

They lie to these family members, they give sob stories - and then they take their money, laugh gleefully, and go spend it on whatever they incurred the debt for in the first place.

You are undermining, potentially, and from my experience, a parent who may well NOT be unsupportive, but may be trying their best to teach a life lesson to a selfish, reckless, moral less individual who would take money from anyone soft enough to hand it over.

Believe me if you knew my brother you would know that was not true. He's a pot smoking, lazy selfish individual who has always put himself first and the kids last.

We went out for a walk with them once when the kids were small. When we got home he got a pizza out of the freezer and cooked and ate it whilst his wife and children had nothing.

The last time we saw them we had a day out at the seaside. I had cooked them a very nice lunch. He went and bought himself an ice cream but did not offer to buy one for anyone else. I am just giving these examples to illustrate his selfishness.

The son has struggled to make something of himself and is training to be a class 1 hgv driver. I know his character and I believe he is a good person.

wiogs

tesuhoha wrote: »

Believe me if you knew my brother you would know that was not true. He's a pot smoking, lazy selfish individual who has always put himself first and the kids last.

We went out for a walk with them once when the kids were small. When we got home he got a pizza out of the freezer and cooked and ate it whilst his wife and children had nothing.

The last time we saw them we had a day out at the seaside. I had cooked them a very nice lunch. He went and bought himself an ice cream but did not offer to buy one for anyone else. I am just giving these examples to illustrate his selfishness.

The son has struggled to make something of himself and is training to be a class 1 hgv driver. I know his character and I believe he is a good person.

With no contact for 27 years how can you possibly know his character?

tesuhoha

partialycloudy wrote: »

Think people are being a bit harsh....The OP has not added why they have not spoken for 27 years....
Just because someone is having financial difficulties why does that make them a loser?!

The last time we saw him he was a child of 10 years old. We fell out with the parents at that time and have not socialised with them since. They live 150 miles away from us. I suppose he has not seen us because he does not really know us.

I am however friends with him on Facebook and he speaks to me on there sometimes, sends birthday messages etc. It does take two and I haven't made the effort to contact him or invite him to visit.