My OH is in hospital in intensive care

victory

Thank you for the continued support.

I rang OH GP yesterday, OH was vomiting and shaking and it just did not seem right that he should be like that, they said the meds would make him foggy, drowsy, sickly etc but it just didn't seem right he should be in such a state, GP had not recieved the discharge papers as a referal and was struggling to keep up with my questions. It was eventually sorted with my eldest going up to the surgery and handing in person the discharge papers , then a wait, then some phone calls and now GP is up to speed.

GP says it was because OH was in a different county/hospital not faxing properly the discharge papers, that GP had not realised he would need ongoing care etc. It is sorted now, they are now all aware and talking to each other.

So I now have an assesor coming on friday, not sooner because of xmas week to gather from me/OH what we need as many posters have asked me to ask for.

Yes he was sent home blue flashing lights in the am of the night, it is a very long story but it was supposed to be in the afternoon, then around 6pm it just went on and on until finally he was back at am for all the neighbours to twitch their curtains to see.

Thanks to the neighbours/friends/word of mouth/people wishing to help, talking to each other my OH yesterday got a few mobility aids, making walking and life easier aids brought to the house, that was lovely of them all, I am sure on friday once assesed the aids will be all there.

As for xmas day turkey and all the trimmings, not doing that, cutting it down to just maybe a roast with pigs in blanket, many reasons, mainly OH 's meds make him feel sick, he is sick, does not want to eat, cannot really keep anything down and does not want to have a xmas dinner, eldest at gf house, youngest likes it but is happily not bothered so not going to make one for the sake of it. Was going to be away ....

I look at my OH and also cannot believe sometimes he has been let home, on morfine I know and a whole heap of other meds but last night I was up 3 times with him struggling, emotional, vomiting, screaming in pain, I can do all day but cannot do all night also, I have not slept properly for several weeks now and if I wanted a xmas list it would be continued sleep! I will ask for help, I am going to ask eldest to maybe return home the odd night/day so that I can recharge and get some sleep, youngest is too young I feel to take on the responsibility of his dad in the way he is now whilst I sleep.

I am sure friday now everyone has the discharge papers is talking to each other it will be much easier to get help in the home and easier for us.

victory

BritAbroad wrote: »

Have been following your thread though haven't posted on it before now. Glad your OH is home, victory. Now the hard work really begins. Make sure to take time for yourself and do everything you can to make life easier. If that means getting takeaway pizza three nights in a row, so be it. If someone asks you out for a coffee, say yes.

Ask for help whenever you need it (and you will), and if someone offers, ask them to do something specific. Too many people will make vague offers of help but never actually do anything, but it makes them feel good because they've offered. Don't put up with cr*p from anyone - if they're not helpful, tell them to ship out.

I have been in a very similar position to you. It was enormously stressful and the reality is that while it was tough whilst my OH was in hospital it was a lot worse when he got home. I had almost no support system though and also had to deal with a maze of medical bills and buying equipment etc - hopefully you won't have to deal with stuff like that.

In hindsight, I wish I'd been a lot more direct with people about what we needed instead of trying to accommodate their need to 'feel' they'd done the right thing. It's taken a real toll on me and my health is now suffering as a consequence.

You need to be strong, so please, please look after yourself. I used to take an extra couple of minutes in the shower just to breathe deeply. I slept when OH did, or if he watched TV I'd crash in the chair for 10 minutes. I would stand outside in the fresh air for a couple of minutes every day. Housework was cut back to the bare essentials. If someone wants to visit your OH, it's okay to use that time as a break for you and escape to the local coffee shop or whatever.

I wish you and your OH all the very best.

Thank you, it is very kind of you to post your experience, I feel exactly as you have described and help will be on its way now thank you.

victory

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Hi victory really pleased for you. Don't worry to much about personality changes partly it's frustration and if he suffered a head injury it takes a while to get back to sort of normal I wasn't me for about 12 months.
Sending positive thoughts and best wishes

Yes the docs did warn me that the meds would change his personality, this is the long game we are playing here and as each day passes I hope OH can see he will get better and it does get easier for him and the pain lessens, the hospital told us it is very very early days for him to be home and there is a great deal of body mending needed before he is out of the woods and up and running.

victory

mum2one wrote: »

that is the most amazing news Victory, I only echo what others have said - ask for help, .

From experience of when dad was in hospital, he lost weight, he went from 10 stone, down to 6 stone, - but within a month he got back to 10 stone.

I would double check with your gp surgery that they are aware that he is home and can arrange follow up care, more often the first couple of days will be district nurses, - there be no harm ringing them as well.

Please take care, xxx

No, that was just it, the GP was not aware that OH was home, many phone calls and a personal visit from eldest has now sored allthat out so now hoping for friday and a bit more in house care for OH thank you

victory

thorsoak wrote: »

Victory my dear - we are all with you in spirit on this long journey that you and your family are undertaking, and I pray that you are all given the strength that you will need.

I know it will be hard - had to take the same journey myself some 30 years ago when my OH has a serious accident. Just take one day at a time, take as much help as you can - and there are three magic words that you must use when you need them - I CAN'T COPE. There may come a day when you do feel that you cannot cope anymore - do remember to say this to get any more assistance. Hopefully it will come quickly - and the fact that he has some private medical health insurance through his job should help.

Come back here, and vent from time to time - you will need to, that I do know. And don't forget to take time for you, and for your boys too - don't let DS1 think that he has to be "man of the house" but take all the help that he will give .

Much love xxxxx

Thank you for the support and the support in the other thread, thank you, I wish you a very merry xmas and for 2010 to never ever happened to you, you are a very special person, often read your posts/threads and I know how you ache in pain from your loss, thank you from extending kindness to me even through your own sadness, thank you

mellymoo74

victory wrote: »

Yes the docs did warn me that the meds would change his personality, this is the long game we are playing here and as each day passes I hope OH can see he will get better and it does get easier for him and the pain lessens, the hospital told us it is very very early days for him to be home and there is a great deal of body mending needed before he is out of the woods and up and running.

You sound exhausted, glad your asking for help and paring back christmas dinner. Morphine will make him sick if he's waking up in the night the meds may not be at the right level but it's difficult to get the balance right.
Accept and ask for as much help as you can in the next week until the assessment
Xxx

victory

mellymoo74 wrote: »

You sound exhausted, glad your asking for help and paring back christmas dinner. Morphine will make him sick if he's waking up in the night the meds may not be at the right level but it's difficult to get the balance right.
Accept and ask for as much help as you can in the next week until the assessment
Xxx

I admit I am exhausted, the meds needs to be fine tuned I think, he seems very nervous, unsettled, shaky, he barely eats, says the meds make him feel sick, then he is sick, I am sure that the GP will have to change them.

I have had to shut down, no man is an island and priorities have to be met here, OH is number one, the rest xmas dinner, presents, house work, etc all the add ons are not, I have to focus on OH and trying to settle him, youngest can run the hoover round if needs be and help out, eldest has gone back to gf but feel will call him back here andthere, the neighbours and friends have offered no end of things, some even offering am help which is fantastic, I think lists of who can do what and when will be helpful and ask for it direct rather than be wishy washy.

mellymoo74

victory wrote: »

I admit I am exhausted, the meds needs to be fine tuned I think, he seems very nervous, unsettled, shaky, he barely eats, says the meds make him feel sick, then he is sick, I am sure that the GP will have to change them.

I have had to shut down, no man is an island and priorities have to be met here, OH is number one, the rest xmas dinner, presents, house work, etc all the add ons are not, I have to focus on OH and trying to settle him, youngest can run the hoover round if needs be and help out, eldest has gone back to gf but feel will call him back here andthere, the neighbours and friends have offered no end of things, some even offering am help which is fantastic, I think lists of who can do what and when will be helpful and ask for it direct rather than be wishy washy.

Good your being very sensible Lists are a good plan. Make sure you also eat (it's easy to forget and not feel like anything when your under this much stress)

I don't know you in real life but I am proud of how your managing, just try and take care of yourself and keep in contact with the docs they need to know about the meds. If your OH will drink ask them for a prescription for the food drinks they were a godsend (them and frozen frubes) for my dad.

RuthnJasper

Sweetie, please don't stress about what isn't happening. Christmas dinner is merely a normal Sunday roast with a few extra bits. A tin of soup will taste equally special amongst the ones we love.

I agree with Mellymoo and the others - scale back big dinner, that's just food.

Mr. Victory has some mobility aids, you say. This is wonderful, it implies that he is able to move and will ultimately be able to walk independently again (with or without the help of a cane or a frame). He can think and speak (mostly he can only verbalize his shock, pain and frustration - but it won't always be this way).

This is more than any of us could have hoped for when first you posted. And, despite the marvellous progress to date, please remember that it is still early days...

I bet it seems like a lifetime since the accident, doesn't it...? But it really has been only a very few weeks. You're doing magnificently, Victory.

R&G xx

torbrex

Even someone just to sit with your OH while you get half an hour to yourself, you'd be surprised how refreshed you will feel just sitting with a cuppa and doing nothing else.


It was the other way round with my dad, he was ill at home before he went into hospital and mum was always glad for a break for a while. I would sit and chat to dad for hours on end about nothing really, it just gave mum a break, my sister would do the same while mum took my sister's dog out a walk.