Teenager help needed

Acc72

merlin68 wrote: »

the boyfriend is in his 20s and not working.

What does this mean - he could be 21 or 29 !

What is his background, eg has he ever had a job etc ?

Hedgehog99

Your house, your rules, but you do want her to feel safe and welcome so that you know her relationship is safe and not abusive/controlling.

The BFs mum is the fun one, letting them do what they like, but she isn't your daughter's mum who cares about "the boring stuff" such as her future, like you do. It's the same as with separated parents - the weekday parent gets to be the ogre and the weekend one buys them the treats they pester for.

If the BF stays over at the w/e, it shouldn't be because they spend more time together, it should be for practical reasons only (e.g. no late buses) & he's (or they're) out by 8 am the next morning so you get your house back.

Hopefully the distracting relationship will run its course soon and your daughter will find new enthusiasm for her studies. If not, maybe some years in full time work would help her get a routine and then she can return to nursing as a mature student.

merlin68

his 22 and had the odd job lasting a few weeks.

WeAreGhosts

genuinely never realised there were parents out there who gave child benefit money to the child. i thought it was supposed to cover food and other necessities?

i might have words with my mother about this

suki1964

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

genuinely never realised there were parents out there who gave child benefit money to the child. i thought it was supposed to cover food and other necessities?

i might have words with my mother about this

I gave my stepdaughter her child benefit when she came to live with us for the simple reason I needed her to learn that money didn't grow on trees

Her mother and grandmother had never in their lives said no to her, going without themselves and often in debt, form giving her phone top ups, hair dressing, fashion clothes, cigarette money etc etc etc

I gave her the money and said away you go, we will pay school costs, uniforms, shoes etc, the rest you buy yourself

She soon learned and now she never buys anything that she can't afford herself and knows how to budget her available money


Saved me a fortune at the time as well

WeAreGhosts

i got a job.

i must be old fashioned ...

suki1964

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

i got a job.

i must be old fashioned ...

Aged 12? :eek:

Hermia

bloolagoon wrote: »

Do you know any nurses who can talk to her about it as an impartial adult - I know I often listened to others over mum even if they said the same thing. Someone at 6th form or a family friend who can show how important it is to stick to your goals.

And also someone (possibly not you, OP, as she won't listen) needs to point out to her that a man who truly loved her would want her to achieve her dreams.

Also do you know anyone whose ambitions were wrecked by getting tied up with some idiotic man? I have a couple of friends who wrecked great opportunities (one even turned down a very generous scholarship) for a lad who turned out to be useless or dumped them. Their bitterness and the struggles they went through to try to study when they were older are very powerful. Someone with a story to tell like that might get through to her.

FBaby

She is very immature and spoilt rotten in that you pick up all her problems for her. The best thing you could do for her is give her a bit of reality checking.

Yes, she will hate you for some time and that is what you need to accept as a mum knowing that you are doing the best for her. If you raised her well, she will quickly realise that her behaviour will take her nowhere. She will sort herself out and come back to you herself.

warmhands.coldheart

Lets turn it on it's head...Rather than having words with your daughter, sounds like you actually need to have a quiet word with the Boyfriend and explain to him the situation, i.e she's not studying, falling behind, needs to do more work...... get his input and help to motivate her on....
if he "loves her" he'll help you get her back to doing her work.... Bit of young love emotional blackmail never hurt anyone

Failing that, threaten to have his gonads cut off if he keeps her from her studies at this important time!!