Teenager help needed

merlin68

My daughter is 19 and doing a levels. Had a row tonight as I said boyfriend wasn't staying on a college night because she doesn't end up going in and they both stay in bed till late afternoon and im now a horrible mother and his mother is so much nicer. I already had to pay for her to resit gcse and as levels and now shes not doing hardly any coursework neither. she wants to go to uni next year and study nursing How I don't know she got a job with a care agency after 3 years of trying to get a job and has let them down twice now as he was staying night before. all I get is give it up but I don't want her chucking a life away for a man.

lika_86

You can't make her motivated, she has to do it herself. You can push her through her A levels but if she gets to university then she'll be on her own. You can make it clear what you expect from her though, ie. she passes her A levels this year as you won't be funding re-sits, if she doesn't get into university then she'll have to pay rent at yours if she wants to stay at home. Other than that you can't force her to do anything.

Of course you can make life more difficult from her if she wants to try it on. If her boyfriend does stay over, why not start hoovering outside her room at 7am or whatever time she has to get up? Set an alarm to go off outside her room, keep knocking on the door every five minutes.

double_mummy

she is 19 sit down and discuss the rules with her

if she doesnt like the rules she knows where the door is

When_the_going_gets_tough

well on the one hand she is an adult, but on the other hand it is your house and you can lay down the rules - if she does not like them she can choose to live elsewhere. I would go along the house rules approach rather than the you are ruining your future approach - it sort of puts the responsibility for her decisions back with her.

merlin68

I tried to discuss as an adult and she slammed the bedroom door and started crying like a baby. Then she came downstairs and stormed out of house saying it was my fault she could never see the boyfriend I never said he couldn't stay just not on a college night.

Buzzybee90

merlin68 wrote: »

I tried to discuss as an adult and she slammed the bedroom door and started crying like a baby. Then she came downstairs and stormed out of house saying it was my fault she could never see the boyfriend I never said he couldn't stay just not on a college night.

Just don't allow her boyfriend to stay?

If you don't want him in your house, don't have him. You don't seem to like him.

merlin68

I never said I didn't like him he just seems to spend all day in bed, then his awake all night, which encourages her to do the same.

Buzzybee90

merlin68 wrote: »

I never said I didn't like him he just seems to spend all day in bed, then his awake all night, which encourages her to do the same.

So don't let him stay?

merlin68

Its not worth the grief not letting him stay at all. That's why I comprised, but she cant see that. Its very hard to sleep when there awake all night I got up the other night and tv was blaring at half 2 and dossing round the house all day not doing anything, means you cant get anything done.

WeAreGhosts

your house, your rules

Buzzybee90

merlin68 wrote: »

Its not worth the grief not letting him stay at all. That's why I comprised, but she cant see that. Its very hard to sleep when there awake all night I got up the other night and tv was blaring at half 2 and dossing round the house all day not doing anything, means you cant get anything done.

Don't let him stay.
Don't let her have tv on loud all night.
Don't let her lay in.

It's your house! I would never try this crap with my parents.

I understand she's an adult but she still lives with you. Unless she's paying proper rent of course, bit different then.