Teenager help needed

merlin68

My dad was same lol would never have been allowed to behave like that. but all I get was that's what happened in the stoneage, things are different now. As his mum lets them do it i'm the evil one.

Kitty777

Allow her to calm down tonight, then speak to her and set down some rules.
I was expected (and rightly so) to pay rent as soon as I got a job, and paid even more so out of my uni loan/grant. Maybe speak to her about paying rent and letting her know just how much you are helping her out.

Just let her know, that you will be here to support her but will not be paying for more resits. She can do as she pleases, but has to pay her way.

I was always told, that if I wanted to be treated like an adult, I had to behave like one.

But also, speaking from a young ladies point of view, I remember when I was 16 and I had a similar boyfriend. I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I was lucky enough to have an amazing friend who shook me out of it just in time for my A levels, but hopefully she is just going through a love phase. Is it her first partner? Also she needs to see that she doesn't need him to sleep over every night...or sleep over at all. My partner and I have been together 4 years and I only stay over his once a week (see him/go out in the day obviously)...maybe I am odd!!

Just sit down with her (not him) and say you want to discuss it as adults. Let her know you care, and caring means putting your foot down. I know you said you have done it before, but doing things in the heat of an argument never goes down well.

I hope you get it sorted.

Buzzybee90

merlin68 wrote: »

My dad was same lol would never have been allowed to behave like that. but all I get was that's what happened in the stoneage, things are different now. As his mum lets them do it i'm the evil one.

I was 19 only a few years ago and I can assure you it's not stone age. Her saying that is as petulant as saying "well Maisy's mum lets her smoke in the house" extreme hopefully you know what I mean.

Errata

Your house, your rules, and her job to wash the sheets after a night's hanky panky - which I'm sure she does, doesn't she.

Person_one

Tempting as it may be, going with the 'my house my rules' thing will probably just result in more strops and rows and no real changes.

She's 19, she's an adult now, if she were in a shared house with other student nurses who needed to get up at 5am for s placement shift then her housemates would not be likely to put up with TVs blaring at 2am and boyfriends taking over the place.

It's not about rules or putting your foot down, it's about adults who live together treating each other with consideration and respect.

lika_86

merlin68 wrote: »

My dad was same lol would never have been allowed to behave like that. but all I get was that's what happened in the stoneage, things are different now. As his mum lets them do it i'm the evil one.

I can guarantee that if she decided to flounce off and live with her boyfriend's mum that she'd be back home pretty quickly. The grass is always greener.

You need to put your foot down in your own house.

Jagraf

Sounds as though she's doing everything to avoid study, including blaming you! Before treating her as an adult, she needs to behave like one, until such time I would stop boyfriend staying (unless you are worried she will leave?).

merlin68

she does nothing in this house at all she even expects pocket money whilst shes working and a 24 hr taxi service. Boy is uni going to be a big shock. she actually rang the old man the other day and asked if he could drop her boots into town the answer was no.

merlin68

the boyfriend is in his 20s and not working.

Errata

How did you manage to rear such an unpleasant brat?
For goodness sake, kick the boyfie out at bedtime and if late night telly blaring out at stupid o'clock is a problem, cut the plug off.
On the other hand, you could continue to let her wipe her feet all over you if you want a quiet life.