Christmas festivities...

margaretclare

Pollycat wrote: »

You are contradicting yourself here.
You say she doesn't listen when told but you stood up to her about the key.
So do the same over Christmas Day.

If you say you are not going to her house for Christmas, what in reality can she do?

She can come over in her car and insist you get in, but if you keep saying 'no' is she really likely to physically manhandle you both into the car?

Your partner needs to stand up and be counted though.

I think you both should have been ready with a rejection of her invitation as soon as she made it, I think you've maybe left it a bit late.

Not necessarily. It's still 6 weeks away! Mid-November, we're not even in Advent yet. Arrangements can be changed.

securityguy

supermassive wrote: »

Her own mother is a carbon copy... and her daughter's not much different. It's actually terrifying because they look very very similar, too.

I'm not sure where you get that we're spending time with her from, because we avoid her quite often unless she invites herself around unannounced.

So if you don't see her, why is any of this a problem? Unannounced, uninvited visitor? "Sorry, we're busy. Shame you didn't call ahead, but you know how it is. Goodbye".

We don't allow her to do things etc without showing displeasure, but she cannot be stopped. She will literally bulldoze her way through to whatever she wants.

Literally bulldoze? With her literal bulldozer?

ll this chat of "backbones" etc is pretty inane. She has been told point blank various times again and again when she does these things, makes these demands, but she seems to be made of teflon.

So what? If she's made plans for Christmas you don't like, tell her you're not taking part, and then don't take part. That doesn't require her to listen at all: simply stay at home, or book a weekend away somewhere and leave her to it.

As I've said, I've told her what our xmas dinner plans are that don't involve her, and she's currently praying to the devil for my heart to stop for taking away her son.

Again, so what?

securityguy

supermassive wrote: »

The rest was NOT an "opt in" system by any stretch of the imagination. More like a dictatorship system.

All you have to do is say "no, I won't be doing that" and then not do it. Let her scream and shout.

Pollycat

supermassive wrote: »

There was no "invitiation". It's presumed that we're going to do what she wants us to do.

Then stop her presuming anything. :wall:

She expects to get her own way because everybody allows her to have her own way.

I'm back to this conclusion:

Pollycat wrote: »

But I have a sneaky feeling that the OP is secretly happy with the plans and doesn't really want advice on how to simplify her arrangements.

(with apologies for getting your sex wrong )

tea_lover

It sounds as if you love the drama, love having things to complain about. If you didn't you could easily stop it by just not pandering to your MIL.

purpleshoes_2

margaretclare wrote: »

Not necessarily. It's still 6 weeks away! Mid-November, we're not even in Advent yet. Arrangements can be changed.

Quite. I know some people plan for Christmas all year but that would be my idea of the christmas from hell as well.

You might never change the MIL from hell but the OP and his partner can change how they react to her. Just because someone stamps their feet and insists on events happening a certain way, they don't need to, after all she doesn't care about other people being inconvenienced as long as she gets her own way.

It's not just this Christmas either, it will be every Christmas in the future as long as she's around that will be a nightmare.

Gigglepig

"This year we decided to try something new, so we will be going away for Christmas. We will be hosting a family lunch on x December. You are all welcome, please let us know by y December if you plan to attend."

supermassive

securityguy wrote: »

So if you don't see her, why is any of this a problem? Unannounced, uninvited visitor? "Sorry, we're busy. Shame you didn't call ahead, but you know how it is. Goodbye".



Literally bulldoze? With her literal bulldozer?



So what? If she's made plans for Christmas you don't like, tell her you're not taking part, and then don't take part. That doesn't require her to listen at all: simply stay at home, or book a weekend away somewhere and leave her to it.



Again, so what?

Yes, she has a literal bulldozer, because I wasn't using the phrase "literally bulldoze" Correctly.

bull·doze (bldz)
v. bull·dozed, bull·doz·ing, bull·dozes
v.tr.
1. To clear, dig up, or move with a bulldozer.
2. To treat in an abusive manner; bully.
3. To coerce in an unsympathetic or cruel way. See Synonyms at intimidate.
4. To do away with; demolish: "A massive bipartisan majority voted . . . to bulldoze the social programs of decades in the next 30 days" (Peter Goldman).

Oops, yes I was.

Thanks so much for your input, it's been noted and will no doubt be used next time I'm hankering for some condescending comments.

Anyway.

It's pretty difficult when, as I said from the start, I'm the only one that seems to have a problem with it. OH is more than willing to let me ship him about.

Aren't I obliged to cave in to what everyone else wants, as a participating member of a family unit?

fyi I don't "enjoy the drama and having something to complain about" but it's not as simple in real life as it's made out to be in some of these comments.

securityguy

supermassive wrote: »

Oops, yes I was.

Oops no you weren't, because the other senses are metaphoric, not
literal. But anyway.

Aren't I obliged to cave in to what everyone else wants, as a participating member of a family unit?

No, you aren't.

But you're clearly happy doing so, so enjoy.

Pollycat

supermassive wrote: »

Aren't I obliged to cave in to what everyone else wants, as a participating member of a family unit?

fyi I don't "enjoy the drama and having something to complain about" but it's not as simple in real life as it's made out to be in some of these comments.

Of course you're not obliged to cave in.

If, however, you want to take the easy path then do exactly what your MIL demands.

It is actually very simple in real life, you just don't have the bottle (and the support from your partner) to do it.