Christmas festivities...

fabforty

I am going to put a spanner in the works by saying that I don't think that you can physically do it all (regardless of whether you want to or not)- not unless the various families all live in the same street or you are secretly Wonderwoman in disguise. Christmas is a magical time but there are still only 24 hours in the day! Seriously, have you actually timed it or tried to fit it into a timeline (and allowed for the unavoidable spillover - as nothing ever goes to schedule)? It doesn't sound as if there will be anytime to just relax and enjoy yourselves - just rushing from one place to another. Perhaps you will enjoy it, but that would be my idea of hell.

Spendless

supermassive wrote: »

Is there a way to please everyone (they're demanding this schedule, and as we don't have kids - too many men in the relationship - we are obliged to stick to it)...

All I want is to have a morning whiskey. There's not many days you can do that!

No, there isn't and if you try they will moan that you arrived too early/too later, didn't stop long enough etc. Believe me I have the t-shirt on this one.

Some years ago My MIL invited us for lunch on Christmas day, my Mum invited us for tea. With around a week to go MIL announced she would be serving her meal at 3pm, mum announced she would be serving hers at 4pm. They live walking distance from each other, so no problem with logistics of getting there, but MIL sulked because we were leaving as soon as we'd eaten and Mum sulked that we'd be too full to eat her food. Then sil threw a spanner in the works and insisted that my hubby went with her to deliver a Christmas meal parcel to an extended family member as she didn't feel comfortable doing it alone and she wanted to do it around 10am to fit round her plans of the day, only we lived in a different county then and with that bang went the lie in and time to ourselves on Christmas morning.

We spent the whole day running round after others and it wasn't good enough for any of them. We never, ever did it again.

Choose what you want to do and stick to it.

supersaver2

Flippin heck OP I feel tired just reading your opening post! :rotfl:

duchy

Sounds like power games galore......why on earth would your sister want to drag her non related BIL with her (I'd have simply said "Sorry we have plans for the morning" the fact those plans included just the two of you is none of her business. As for the competing mothers- what a nightmare -knowing you needed to do both -had the both changed the meal timing by an hour there would be no problem and no moaning. Christmas tea at four sounds awfully early - I'm still stuffed from lunch til at least 6pm

Spendless wrote: »

No, there isn't and if you try they will moan that you arrived too early/too later, didn't stop long enough etc. Believe me I have the t-shirt on this one.

Some years ago My MIL invited us for lunch on Christmas day, my Mum invited us for tea. With around a week to go MIL announced she would be serving her meal at 3pm, mum announced she would be serving hers at 4pm. They live walking distance from each other, so no problem with logistics of getting there, but MIL sulked because we were leaving as soon as we'd eaten and Mum sulked that we'd be too full to eat her food. Then sil threw a spanner in the works and insisted that my hubby went with her to deliver a Christmas meal parcel to an extended family member as she didn't feel comfortable doing it alone and she wanted to do it around 10am to fit round her plans of the day, only we lived in a different county then and with that bang went the lie in and time to ourselves on Christmas morning.

We spent the whole day running round after others and it wasn't good enough for any of them. We never, ever did it again.

Choose what you want to do and stick to it.

jackyann

Whatever you do this year, OP, I suggest that by next Xmas, you have found a job that insists you work on Xmas Day!

I was just turned 18 when I worked my first Xmas, and 20 when both DH & I worked different shifts the first Xmas after we were married.

What I didn't quite realise then was that it completely broke the mould. Even after I took regular work, and DH only worked alternate Xmases, there was no expectation on either side as to what we would do.

Of course, you can break the mould in other ways - like the suggestion above that you go to a hotel, or announce you are helping at the local homeless shelter (though tbh, they get a lot of people who want to get out of Xmas!)

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

Sounds like power games galore......why on earth would your sister want to drag her non related BIL with her (I'd have simply said "Sorry we have plans for the morning"

I don't think it was Spendless's sister, she said it was her sister-in-law, so to me that means probably her OH's sister.
Though why she didn't feel 'comfortable' going on her own at 10am beats me.
If it was a case of the relative wanting to see both of them, that's different.

Spendless wrote: »

Then sil threw a spanner in the works and insisted that my hubby went with her to deliver a Christmas meal parcel to an extended family member as she didn't feel comfortable doing it alone and she wanted to do it around 10am to fit round her plans of the day, only we lived in a different county then and with that bang went the lie in and time to ourselves on Christmas morning.

But I don't understand why people just can't say 'no' either.

TBH, if the lunch I'd been invited to (knowing full well I was going to tea somewhere else) was being served at 3pm and the tea at 4pm (how ridiculously early is that on Christmas Day?), I would have said I couldn't do both.

If there was no way a compromise could be made, I'd accept the invitation which had been made first.


But, after accepting the first invitation (whichever it was) and then receiving another invitation - for an earlier or later meal - I'd have asked about timings there and then - and with just an hour in between, I'd have explained that it wasn't possible.

It sounds a bit to me like Spendless's Mum was deliberately putting a spanner in the works.

Note to all these people who feel they have to accommodate all relatives on Christmas Day:
on January 1st, look in the mirror and practice saying 'No'. Thank you for your kind invite, but it's not possible this year'.

Spendless

duchy wrote: »

Sounds like power games galore......why on earth would your sister want to drag her non related BIL with her (I'd have simply said "Sorry we have plans for the morning" the fact those plans included just the two of you is none of her business. As for the competing mothers- what a nightmare -knowing you needed to do both -had the both changed the meal timing by an hour there would be no problem and no moaning. Christmas tea at four sounds awfully early - I'm still stuffed from lunch til at least 6pm

Sis in law is hubby's sister. It never occurred to me that mil's dinner would be so late, I'd be starving by 3pm, having not eaten much breakfast due to the turkey meal coming so I never thought to ask what time tea would be served.

Spendless

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't think it was Spendless's sister, she said it was her sister-in-law, so to me that means probably her OH's sister.
Though why she didn't feel 'comfortable' going on her own at 10am beats me.
If it was a case of the relative wanting to see both of them, that's different.


But I don't understand why people just can't say 'no' either.

TBH, if the lunch I'd been invited to (knowing full well I was going to tea somewhere else) was being served at 3pm and the tea at 4pm (how ridiculously early is that on Christmas Day?), I would have said I couldn't do both.

If there was no way a compromise could be made, I'd accept the invitation which had been made first.


But, after accepting the first invitation (whichever it was) and then receiving another invitation - for an earlier or later meal - I'd have asked about timings there and then - and with just an hour in between, I'd have explained that it wasn't possible.

It sounds a bit to me like Spendless's Mum was deliberately putting a spanner in the works.

Note to all these people who feel they have to accommodate all relatives on Christmas Day:
on January 1st, look in the mirror and practice saying 'No'. Thank you for your kind invite, but it's not possible this year'.

Husband not saying no to his sister (or indeed many people) is a bone of contention between us 15 years of marriage later. Husband is very, very laid back and so many things wash over his head that annoy me. Let me put it this way, only last night I bought him a stocking filler present of a small book, one of the 'keep calm' series, only his says 'sod calm, get angry' as a tongue in cheek gift to his nature.

I really can't remember who asked first now, it was at a particularly traumatic time of our lives due to a pregnancy going wrong only a couple of months earlier, was the first time me and (now) hubby hadn't had our christmas meal separately at our own families and it just didn't occur to me that anyone had their turkey meal at 3pm, and probably didn't occur to husband that tea would be at 4pm. The following year we refused all invites and after that children came along and we made it clear we would be staying at home from then on.

DKLS

Each to their own and all that, but xmas day doesn't sound relaxing at all.

I won't be venturing past the driveway on xmas day, the inlaws agreed to come over as long as they could stay the night, so am doing the right thing and will be getting them a taxi there and back.

supermassive

fabforty wrote: »

I am going to put a spanner in the works by saying that I don't think that you can physically do it all (regardless of whether you want to or not)- not unless the various families all live in the same street or you are secretly Wonderwoman in disguise. Christmas is a magical time but there are still only 24 hours in the day! Seriously, have you actually timed it or tried to fit it into a timeline (and allowed for the unavoidable spillover - as nothing ever goes to schedule)? It doesn't sound as if there will be anytime to just relax and enjoy yourselves - just rushing from one place to another. Perhaps you will enjoy it, but that would be my idea of hell.

Spanner removal! We did it last year. Without a car... and we lived further away. :eek: There was alot of walking the streets in questionable attire. :rotfl:

Really can't stand doing it again, but OH doesn't mind. I might tell him the car broke, my leg broke, and the front door won't open.