my husband is having an affair

thorsoak

Guest101 wrote: »

Why not talk to him? Clearly he likes living with u, or he's have ended things with u by now.

Depending on ur feelings, whether u can recover from this or not is up to u. But why not speak to him?

Without being funny, what was the context of the texts? As there's usually two ways to read friendly texts.

Of course he likes living with her ....food cooked, clean clothes, bills sorted, NO RENT (it's her, mortgage-free house) lovely kids - and his bit on the side - what's not to like? If you're a blokey bloke then this fellow has it made.

But different if you are the wife, who provides all this, and thinks that they have a secure, exclusive relationship and a happy family life.

barbiedoll

Ruth's reply raised a good point, don't even think about going round and seeing the "other woman", you will regret it, even if it feels good at the time.

To be honest, if she's been hanging on to someone else's husband for 12 years, she can't have much going for her, can she? She's not so great that he left you for her, if you hadn't looked at his phone, he'd still be coming home to his wife and family and she'd still be waiting for the times when he can get away for a couple of hours. Let's just see how long they last when they're thrown together full-time. It's not quite so exciting when you're picking up their dirty washing and hearing them moan about how much CSA they've got to pay.

Hope you manage to get through the weekend ok, it's a shock but at least you have the head start on him.

You need to think about getting some legal advice sooner or later, you're financially linked by marriage, unfortunately. Take a breath, get clear in your mind what you want to do and don't make any rash decisions.

Good luck, we're all rooting for you!

tomtontom

thorsoak wrote: »

Of course he likes living with her ....food cooked, clean clothes, bills sorted, NO RENT (it's her, mortgage-free house) lovely kids - and his bit on the side - what's not to like? If you're a blokey bloke then this fellow has it made.

But different if you are the wife, who provides all this, and thinks that they have a secure, exclusive relationship and a happy family life.

Sorry to be negative, but it's not just her house. Given the time they have been together he will have a constructive interest in the house. I agree with those saying the OP should not leave the house (unless she has concerns for her safety) but she should be aware that he will have a legitimate claim to a proportion of the value.

tazzyb

How awful OP.

I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. He has done a terrible thing to you and you are best off rid of him.

Do not let him talk you round, you and your children deserve so much better.

Stay strong

Guest101

purpleshoes wrote: »

Seriously, shes got texts between her husband and another woman talking about how theyve been intimate in the past and how they will be intimate in the future, dont really know how many ways you can read that.

Friendly though, well thats one way to look at it.

What I meant was a text saying 'had fun last week, should do it again', can be read many ways.

'Sexting' obviously is different.

But communication, especially with kids involved would be best.

Guest101

thorsoak wrote: »

Of course he likes living with her ....food cooked, clean clothes, bills sorted, NO RENT (it's her, mortgage-free house) lovely kids - and his bit on the side - what's not to like? If you're a blokey bloke then this fellow has it made.

But different if you are the wife, who provides all this, and thinks that they have a secure, exclusive relationship and a happy family life.

It's their mortgage free house, they're married. It's unlikely that he would get nothing in equity. He has presumebly brought money to the family for all these years.

thorsoak

It's her mortgage-free house - bought from an inheritance prior to their living together. Any claim he has will be purely tenuous, especially as it is the home of their children. He may claim, but what he will have put into it could also be construed as "rent".

Guest101

thorsoak wrote: »

It's her mortgage-free house - bought from an inheritance prior to their living together. Any claim he has will be purely tenuous, especially as it is the home of their children. He may claim, but what he will have put into it could also be construed as "rent".

Stop being silly, husbands don't rent.

They are married, all assets are joint. Lived together long enough.

In fact op hiding money with her sister could be seen as hiding assets in divorce, which if I'm not mistaken is a big no no.

This forum is being ridiculously one sided on the legal front, again.

He has a good claim, giving op false hope is really bad advice. And I kids living there means nothing, he'll still has an interest in the property, just might not be sold for a while.

They have jointly put into the marriage financially.

thorsoak

She will need to ensure that she has a rottweiler of a solicitor to ensure that what she took into the marriage remains hers. She is going to have the bring up the children as a single parent - thanks to his actions -he has destroyed the marriage - not her.

bagpussbear

Just wanted to say that I am very sorry to hear what has happened to you, and to send you a (((((( HUG ))))))).

My ex husband cheated me, and the heartbreak I felt was indescribable. He walked out on me, and I was so frightened as to how I would cope financially, emotionally, being a single mother etc. But you do cope, and the hurt goes away eventually and you become a stronger person.

Obviously, after having the conversation with your hubby later, only you can decide whether the marriage might be salvageable or not. Personally, I hope you kick him out as he has treated you appallingly!! but just my humble opinion.

I think there has been some good advice already given to you here about getting paperwork together etc, and whilst some will disagree i think you did right by taking half your money in the account.

Realise none of us here can make the situation better for you, but we are here to lean on/support you if you wish.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.