my husband is having an affair

McKneff

Tell him you have contracted genital herpes from somewhere, then watch his face.

Caroline_a

However he went out in the middle of the night, it's not really relevant now.

OP - whatever you do, take your time! The gathering up of important documents is essential. Additionally I would take half of the money out of the bank account and keep that for a rainy day. No need to change the locks, as I would suggest that when you decide that you are ready (which may not be for a few weeks), and after you've seen a solicitor, pack his stuff up in binliners, put them outside the front door and send him a text to say, come and pick your stuff up and take it to *** (name of other woman). Don't call names, take the higher ground, as if you attack her either verbally or physically he will be bound to defend her.

Make sure that you have all the documentation for claiming any benefits that you can in place before you chuck him out, as well as getting ready all the details you need for a CSA claim (his NI number, work details, etc etc). Your calmness will add to his panic

BJV

OP I am so glad that a lot of responses have been about being practical. I can not imagine how hard this is going to be for you and I really don't know if I could do it but they are completely right. It should not take for ever perhaps and week or two to get the relevant documents and seek real legal advice.


No matter how hard and again I have to stress I am not sure if I could be so reserved you must at all costs say nothing.


14 years is a long time and heaven knows it must be terrible but he is not worth it. Anyone who can keep up the pretence for that long!!! What a horrible piece of work!.


Really wish you good luck.

lost898

Hi Thank you for all your replies and suggestions.

The house is mortgage free and in my sole name as I brought it before we were together with my inheritance money.

I have just moved half the money from the joint account in to my personal account in my sole name by faster payment once I can get to the bank I will withdraw this and give it to my sister for safe keeping I thought taking half was reasonable and wont be seen as theft as someone suggested because it was exactly half the balance?. I have moved all the documents regarding the house, finances and things like that to my sisters house so I have what I need for future reference.

I work 5 days a week so I have my wages to rely on for the time being to keep me and the children going until I get things sorted out.

As for him sneaking out in the middle of the night he has not been doing this since we spoke in 2002 unless he has been doing it when I was asleep so I don't know when he has been seeing her this time probably when he's supposed to be at work or something
right now I don't really care she's welcome to him I am not going to let him get away with doing this to our children!

I have to sign off now as he is due home from work time to put on a brave face and confront him:(

Bogof_Babe

Before he comes home tonight pop his phone in a drawer. Observe his reaction when it isn't where he left it. Ask him whatever he's panicking about, as you must have moved it when you were tidying up.

Bet he pours himself a stiff drink!

Word of warning re the new bank account - under no circumstances are they to send any correspondence to your home.

So sorry you're going through this. Keep posting and we'll help all we can.

thorsoak

Well it sounds as if you are in a far better financial position than lots of women who find that their partners have cheated on them - so you are lucky in that respect. Good for you for acting so quickly and decisively - stay strong, my dear, you will have the support of your sister, and you know that you can come back here and get good advice and support. Do let us know how you get on with the confrontation.

Of course, it may be that he "accidentally" left his phone at home and wanted to be found out - taking the coward's way out of breaking up your marriage.

millysg1

If the house is solely yours, I would contact lock smith ASAP and arrange a time to come change the locks.

clarryd

As other people have said, get your finances and business in order and all the other things you need before you do anything.

If you have a joint bank account get another one in just your name and start to move money over. If the house is bought(mortgaged) then he will have to pay for it as you have 2 children.

DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.

My friend left the house and ended up homeless, and then he moved his floozy in, what a kick in the teeth that was.

I know it will be hard to say nothing but he has been doing this for years so he thinks you wont find out, just play him until you sort yourself out. Go visit a family member who is sick (not really) for a few days and leave him with the children so that you can clear your head and get your affairs in order before you confront him.

Good luck I hope you get through this and don't fall apart.

First thing I would do is get my locks changed.

Hezzawithkids

OP I have nothing to add to what's already been said because I've never been in your position so I've no experience to offer. But I must say that in the 3 or so hours from your OP and your last post you have already achieved an awful lot and made some key decisions. That's a good sign that you are keeping a level head and not being over emotional, tempting as it is to stick the boot in (not sure I would be able to hold back in your place).

The people on here are lovely, I've been privileged to have seen them change people's lives before and we're all rooting for you, whatever the outcome. Stay strong my lovely <<HUGS>>.

GeckoGirl1985

I just wanted to add that as well as separating out your documents, please make sure you have yours and the children's passports moved somewhere safe where he can't get access to them. I only say this because of another thread on here recently in which a lady in a similar situation found her ex had taken the kids passports and would not give them back.

Good luck, and remember to stay strong and calm.