my husband is having an affair

Gloomendoom

How does anybody come up with a plausible excuse for going out in the middle of the night?

supermassive

Gloomendoom wrote: »

How does anybody come up with a plausible excuse for going out in the middle of the night?

"Hold on, love, just got to pop out for a bit to get some fluids drained. Be back when I want feeding."

It can be anything though. I used to go out in the night to go to the gym or to go shopping when all the gutter scum in my town are well drunk and passed out.

elsien

danih wrote: »

Find a locksmith - how much notice does he need to come around and change locks for back and from doors? Your husband clearly has somewhere else to go, it makes sense for you as the children's main carer to remain in their home with them. You need to be in control of when your husband (assuming you do want him out) comes and goes. It will be very confusing and upsetting for your children (and you) if your husband comes and goes as he pleases. You don't want him letting himself in because he forgot something / to check something / to see the kids and 1000 other excuses for remaining in control of your home.

If the house is in his or joint names he has every right to access to it and the OP however much she might wish to never set eyes on him again does not have the legal right to change the locks and lock him out. If she wished to do this she would need to show that he was a genuine threat to her and get an order against him - there are women who start yelling DV when none exists to try to bully exes into doing what they want. Not saying this is the case here, just letting the OP know that she can't just chuck him out and ban him forever more.

Ozzuk

You already have great advice here, I'll just add ((((HUGS)))) and to say you will be okay, it may feel like the end of the world now but you'll get through it stronger as a person and you'll be awesome. If this ends the marriage, then its his loss and just try and concentrate on making it as easy as possible on the kids.

Gloomendoom

supermassive wrote: »

It can be anything though.

No it can't! Unless it's something to with a job or sick relative, or something, a married man (or woman) repeatedly disappearing off in the middle of the night for a few hours is not normal behaviour and should set have set alarm bells ringing.

millysg1

Gloomendoom wrote: »

No it can't! Unless it's something to with a job or sick relative, or something, a married man (or woman) repeatedly disappearing off in the middle of the night for a few hours is not normal behaviour and should set have set alarm bells ringing.

But alarm bells did ring and she spoke to him back in 2002 when this was happening. That's what she says in the OP. I got the impression that he promised he wasn't contacting her anymore and the sneaking out at night stopped so she believed it had all finished. Whatever "it" was at the time.

purpleshoes_2

millysg1 wrote: »

But alarm bells did ring and she spoke to him back in 2002 when this was happening. That's what she says in the OP. I got the impression that he promised he wasn't contacting her anymore and the sneaking out at night stopped so she believed it had all finished. Whatever "it" was at the time.

If hes not been sneaking off in the middle of the night then hes obviously been making some time to see this woman.

I think the OP needs proper legal advice, but my gut reaction would be to get rid of someone who has been cheating on me for 12 years, why on earth would you want to be with someone so totally disrespectful?

I know its tough when you love someone but hes not worthy of it.

cazziebo

Gloomendoom wrote: »

How does anybody come up with a plausible excuse for going out in the middle of the night?

"Best friend is going through a relationship break up. He's in a bad way I better go talk to him"

"friend has had his car towed . Going to pick him up and give him a lift home". followed by "we had a couple of drinks so slept on his couch"

"Left a file at work and need it for a meeting tomorrow"

"Brother been lifted for D&D. Better go and sort it out"

I have that Tshirt!

Gloomendoom

cazziebo wrote: »

"Best friend is going through a relationship break up. He's in a bad way I better go talk to him"

"friend has had his car towed . Going to pick him up and give him a lift home". followed by "we had a couple of drinks so slept on his couch"

"Left a file at work and need it for a meeting tomorrow"

"Brother been lifted for D&D. Better go and sort it out"

I have that Tshirt!

Maybe once in a blue moon, but on a regular basis?

Gloomendoom

millysg1 wrote: »

But alarm bells did ring and she spoke to him back in 2002 when this was happening. That's what she says in the OP. I got the impression that he promised he wasn't contacting her anymore and the sneaking out at night stopped so she believed it had all finished. Whatever "it" was at the time.

I'm more amazed that he thought he could get away with it.