my husband is having an affair

supermassive

You're a more calm person than I am.

I was cheated on in a 11 month relationship and almost threw him down the stairs! :rotfl:

Guest101

Why not talk to him? Clearly he likes living with u, or he's have ended things with u by now.

Depending on ur feelings, whether u can recover from this or not is up to u. But why not speak to him?

Without being funny, what was the context of the texts? As there's usually two ways to read friendly texts.

fivetide

Another good luck vote. Sounds like you have done a lot to today and yep, protecting what is yours is a priority.


For the confrontation, if you can hang on to tomorrow or something would a relative be able to watch the kids? I wouldn't want it to all blow up while they were around is all. It'll be horrible tonight but hopefully you will come out of this better off for not being with someone who treats you like that.

ukjoel

30 posts of of 30 all saying he is a wrongun. Its so mumsnet.
Out of curiosity why do you think he was seeing this other girl?


I see so many of these threads and I would love it if someone took a step back and asked where it went wrong, so we could all learn something.

Instead of changing the locks, grabbing the money, and cutting off his manbits, why dont you think back to all the happy times over the last 16 years, and ask him to do the same and see if you can fix it.

Relationships arent easy, they go right and they go wrong, it doesnt mean they can be mended. Take a deep breath and sleep on it.

fivetide

ukjoel wrote: »

30 posts of of 30 all saying he is a wrongun. Its so mumsnet.
Out of curiosity why do you think he was seeing this other girl?


I see so many of these threads and I would love it if someone took a step back and asked where it went wrong, so we could all learn something.

Instead of changing the locks, grabbing the money, and cutting off his manbits, why dont you think back to all the happy times over the last 16 years, and ask him to do the same and see if you can fix it.

Relationships arent easy, they go right and they go wrong, it doesnt mean they can be mended. Take a deep breath and sleep on it.

I'm a chap and from what I read the OP has already done what you said when it was first found out.


Home many chances do you think he should get? 3? 4? 5? As long as he says sorry each time and points out that nice holiday they had it should be ok?

thorsoak

ukjoel wrote: »

30 posts of of 30 all saying he is a wrongun. Its so mumsnet.
Out of curiosity why do you think he was seeing this other girl?


I see so many of these threads and I would love it if someone took a step back and asked where it went wrong, so we could all learn something.

Instead of changing the locks, grabbing the money, and cutting off his manbits, why dont you think back to all the happy times over the last 16 years, and ask him to do the same and see if you can fix it.

Relationships arent easy, they go right and they go wrong, it doesnt mean they can be mended. Take a deep breath and sleep on it.

No, not mumsnet, Joel - it's a female reaction to betrayal. If you read the OP, you will see that he was confronted about his relationship with the other girl - and he reassured his wife that it was not a "relationship", and PROMISED not to continue talking/corresponding with her. The phone has proved that he lied, and has continued the relationship alongside that with his wife, with whom he subsequently created a family. That is betrayal - not a gradual erosion of a relationship.

You are right in one point - relationships are not easy, they can go right off the boil and can be renewed - I know that after 48 years of marriage. But betrayal like this - running two relationships alongside each other - cannot be repaired. The trust that held them together is broken.

RuthnJasper

Lost898 - didn't want to read and run. I am so, so very sorry to read about what has happened. There's some excellent advice on here, so I won't repeat what's been said.

I want to add though that, however much you are tempted, don't get drawn into a physical fight with the other woman. Whatever she's done, you don't want to find yourself on an assault charge for giving her a good hiding.

Also, make sure you give yourself time to grieve. This is a big change that you did not bring on yourself, so please do look after yourself and take things at the pace that suits you.

And if he shacks up with the girl... well, a man who marries his mistress creates a new vacancy...

Every good wish to you and your children. x

marisco_2

I am very sorry for all that you are facing and going through. It is an awful situation to be in. I hope you have the love and support of family and friends to help you and the children through this difficult time.

arbroath_lass

ukjoel wrote: »

30 posts of of 30 all saying he is a wrongun. Its so mumsnet.
Out of curiosity why do you think he was seeing this other girl?


I see so many of these threads and I would love it if someone took a step back and asked where it went wrong, so we could all learn something.

Instead of changing the locks, grabbing the money, and cutting off his manbits, why dont you think back to all the happy times over the last 16 years, and ask him to do the same and see if you can fix it.

Relationships arent easy, they go right and they go wrong, it doesnt mean they can be mended. Take a deep breath and sleep on it.

Surely this is what HE should have done? Before finding himself a bit on the side? He's lied to her for years. I couldn't trust him again. Somebody else might be able to, I suppose. I'd think they were a mug. Male or female. For all my faults I know I deserve better. I hope the OP does.


A one-off drunken mistake MAY be forgivable (to some people). This was an ongoing betrayal, without a thought for the OP.


OP I think you are very brave. Good luck for your future.

purpleshoes_2

Guest101 wrote: »

Why not talk to him? Clearly he likes living with u, or he's have ended things with u by now.

Depending on ur feelings, whether u can recover from this or not is up to u. But why not speak to him?

Without being funny, what was the context of the texts? As there's usually two ways to read friendly texts.

Seriously, shes got texts between her husband and another woman talking about how theyve been intimate in the past and how they will be intimate in the future, dont really know how many ways you can read that.

Friendly though, well thats one way to look at it.