Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

Mojisola

DivineSaver wrote: »

Anyway, long story short I sent my dad an email saying how I felt the three of us were not communicating properly and how I feel we really have to keep each other on the same page if we want to get anything resolved.

Woke up 7am Sunday morning to an email "the removal men are coming on the 13th Feb and we have booked to come back on the 14th. Can you pick us up?" Just. Like. That. No word of warning. Nothing.

Rightly or wrongly I am very frustrated.. starting to think they are just doing this out of spite. Sent an email straight back at 7am.. "14th is valentines day, me and OH are away that weekend" (no word of a lie, it has been booked for months)

Haven't heard anything so far. Starting to wonder if they are just going to turn up at my house on Saturday 14th. :eek: OH also got me thinking as well.. if they haven't got a house yet, where have they told the removal men to deliver all their furniture too. If it is my house, I'm screwed because it won't all fit

This is really starting to get me down now and I feel my parents are starting to take advantage of me, effectively treating my place like a hotel they can check in and out of whenever they wish.

Now I just don't know what to do.

They are very blatantly taking you for granted!

They haven't listened to you and just gone ahead with what they had planned before they even discussed things with you. If you let them get settled in your house, your life will be a misery.

I think you and your OH are going to have to be very strong. Have a list of B&Bs and storage units ready for when they turn up on your doorstep with all their worldly goods.

Claire_A87

They're not just taking advantage, they're depriving you the kind of common human decency I'd expect off occasional aquaintances, never mind my parents. What's worse, they're doing it with the kind of passive-aggression that is usually employed in the hope that you'd be too polite to call them out on it.

Be firm. You absolutely can't accomodate them the weekend of the 14th, you won't be filling your house full of their belongings and you don't have time to pander to their every whim on account of the fact you have your own life (which may come as a surprise to them).

I'm shocked that anyone would treat a 'loved one' with such indifference.

thorsoak

Have they got keys to your house? If so - change the locks so that you cannot come back after your weekend away to find them ensconsed and all their furniture in the front room!

Stay firm! Out of interest - are they both UK citizens - and will they still be entitled to NHS care?

fairy_lights

I think you need to put your foot down before they turn up on your doorstep with all their worldly possessions. Reiterate that you will be away on the 14th so if that is when they arrive they will have to stay in a B&B for a few days until you get back.
Tell them they can stay with you while they look for somewhere of their own (or not, if you don't want them staying at all) but that because of your own commitments it can't be for longer than a couple of weeks. And ask if they have booked storage for all their stuff yet because you certainly don't have space for it.

KxMx

You've been clear about when you can help and they have ignored this.
Be strong and stick to what you have said.
Ignore any sulks/tantrums/emotional blackmail when it sinks in you won't be there on the 14th to collect them and act as a storage locker.
And don't feel guilty either! You've been very clear and reasonable just because they are your parents does not excuse their behaviour towards you or mean you have to fall into line.

CRANKY40

I'd be seeing if I could extend the weekend break for a few more days if I were you to make doubly sure they have to sort themselves out. They surely can't be intending to dump themselves and their worldly possessions on you?

DivineSaver

thorsoak wrote: »

Have they got keys to your house? If so - change the locks so that you cannot come back after your weekend away to find them ensconsed and all their furniture in the front room!

Stay firm! Out of interest - are they both UK citizens - and will they still be entitled to NHS care?

No they don't have keys to our house so there won't be any unpleasant surprises when we come back from our break.

My dad is dual nationality but my mum is resident of the country they were living in and I don't think she's been keeping up her N.I. contributions.

Jagraf

I would tell them they are behaving like children, that I wouldn't be speaking to them until they can have a grown up conversation, and that from now on you will only speak to them both together and not separately.

I would, really. They are emotionally blackmailing you and bullying you.

Mojisola

fairy_lights wrote: »

Tell them they can stay with you while they look for somewhere of their own (or not, if you don't want them staying at all) but that because of your own commitments it can't be for longer than a couple of weeks.

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to get them out once they settled in - and how difficult they could make day-to-day living?

It sounds awful but I wouldn't let them stay at all.

(I come from a very supportive family and we are always helping each other but nobody behaves like this couple do!)

DivineSaver

Mojisola wrote: »

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to get them out once they settled in - and how difficult they could make day-to-day living?

This is what I worry about. I don't even know if I would even have the strength to tell them to leave once they were settled here. Plus if I did, it was hard enough getting my mum to leave even when she would have a flight to catch. (She would hide car keys, her flight bookings, even her passport.. one time she stayed up until 4am- flight was at 8am- getting completely off her face on vodka in the hope that they wouldn't let her board the plane). I just know she would put up such a fuss and I don't want to be treading on eggshells in my own house.