Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

DivineSaver

Just to clear a few things up...

I didn't "have a go" at my mum for using the washing machine. About 9am I said "I'm putting washing on do you need anything washed" "no" I went out grocery shopping and when I came back, the tumble dryer was on. I said "oh have you done washing?" then when the machine stopped, I opened it up and said "was there only 2 socks in here?" and thats when she flipped out at me. I didn't berate her about it.

I don't want an apology from her for using the washing machine. I want an apology for her screaming "do you want a fight? You'll get a f***ing fight" at me. I'm sorry but I feel thats no way to talk to someone in their own home, family or not.

I do love her and I do want to just brush all this under the carpet but what am I supposed to do if she puts the phone down on me when I try and bring it up?

FBaby

I don't want an apology from her for using the washing machine. I want an apology for her screaming "do you want a fight? You'll get a f***ing fight" at me. I'm sorry but I feel thats no way to talk to someone in their own home, family or not.

If that is the response you got from nothing more than what you've said above, something is very wrong your mum and would be worried about how she fares in her every day life.

lulu_92

FBaby wrote: »

If that is the response you got from nothing more than what you've said above, something is very wrong your mum and would be worried about how she fares in her every day life.

I think that was from the hotel incident:

I did talk to her but prior to them leaving for the Travelodge, she ended up shouting "Do you want a fight?! You'll f***ing get one" then went out for the night.

DivineSaver

lulu_92 wrote: »

I think that was from the hotel incident:

The "Do you want a fight?" was in response to me asking "can you come out of your room so we could talk please?" she got angry, said what she said then went out. The next day she packed her bag and told me she was staying at the airport Travelodge for the last few days of her trip.

Izadora

DivineSaver wrote: »

I do love her and I do want to just brush all this under the carpet but what am I supposed to do if she puts the phone down on me when I try and bring it up?

Brush it under the carpet, move on and don't bring it up again.

fivetide

I just wonder about the fact you said you had a spare key cut for them but your dad doesn't have a key.


Could you not leave one with them anyway? I wouldn't have thought it would be too much of an issue for Dad to make himself at home for a few days.


As for making dinenr etc when they were going out, it sounds like you are all as bad as each other I'm afraid. You are complaining because they do things that aren't needed but are annoyed because you do things for them that aren't needed.


It seems a lot of this could be resolved by a sit down and a bloomin good chat with apologies from both sides.


and if your mam wants to do your washing, let her if it keeps the peace. I don't see an issue.

FBaby

Sounds like quite happened between the time of the tumble dryer issue and then deciding to stay at a hotel. As in most arguments, it wasn't a case of who was right and who was wrong.

It's happened, it sounds like you made amends as much as is possible, which is the best outcome. The question is now relating to your dad's arrival. Did you ask him why he didn't make contact earlier? Surely it wasn't just to see you, so was it a case of him making arrangements to do something else, but thought he could stay with you, or more importantly at yours during that time? it would be a pity if once again there was a misunderstanding with him only asking if he could stay over (whether you were there or not) and you assuming he wanted to come and see you.

thorsoak

DivineSaver wrote: »

Just to clear a few things up...

I didn't "have a go" at my mum for using the washing machine. About 9am I said "I'm putting washing on do you need anything washed" "no" I went out grocery shopping and when I came back, the tumble dryer was on. I said "oh have you done washing?" then when the machine stopped, I opened it up and said "was there only 2 socks in here?" and thats when she flipped out at me. I didn't berate her about it.

I don't want an apology from her for using the washing machine. I want an apology for her screaming "do you want a fight? You'll get a f***ing fight" at me. I'm sorry but I feel thats no way to talk to someone in their own home, family or not.

I do love her and I do want to just brush all this under the carpet but what am I supposed to do if she puts the phone down on me when I try and bring it up?

Frankly, whether or not they were family, I would not be having anything to do with someone who yells "you'll get a f****g fit with me" - as I would consider that we didn't have a relationship in the first place.

victory

DivineSaver wrote: »

Just to clear a few things up...

I didn't "have a go" at my mum for using the washing machine. About 9am I said "I'm putting washing on do you need anything washed" "no" I went out grocery shopping and when I came back, the tumble dryer was on. I said "oh have you done washing?" then when the machine stopped, I opened it up and said "was there only 2 socks in here?" and thats when she flipped out at me. I didn't berate her about it.

I don't want an apology from her for using the washing machine. I want an apology for her screaming "do you want a fight? You'll get a f***ing fight" at me. I'm sorry but I feel thats no way to talk to someone in their own home, family or not.

I do love her and I do want to just brush all this under the carpet but what am I supposed to do if she puts the phone down on me when I try and bring it up?

You want an apology, you are not getting one, so can you brush it out under the carpet?

Better_Days

I must admit I have some sympathy for OP.

My brother, SIL and three children stayed with us for 12 days during the summer. Both sides have to make some adjustments and there are bound to be irritations.

My SIL had a really irritating habit of having the hot water sink tap on full while she loaded the dishwasher. We are on a water meter and have an oil boiler. I just couldn't watch all that hot water go down the sink for 5 minutes :eek: I did ask her nicely not to, and she was fine about it, but I think some people may have taken offence. Probably wasn't much cost wise, but it was the sheer waste that got to me !!

She would load up the washing machine before they went out and put it on and then they'd go out for the day. She would say 'Don't worry about the washing, I'll sort it out when we get back (usually in the evening)' totally oblivious to the fact that I might want to use the w/m! I just hung the washing out and didn't say anything.

Those little things can really niggle, but they made up for it in other ways, and frequently said how grateful they were to stay with us, still a combination of those little things can be wearing when you have people to stay for more than a few days.

OP I think your Mum over-reacted to the washing machine incident, and your Dad was daft to book flights without confirming with you. What sort of relationship do you want with your parents? Work towards that. I don't think there is anything to be gained raking over old ground now.

Just to add, I haven't seen my Mother for years, and am happy with that, family relationships don't always work out.