Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

lincroft1710

victory wrote: »

I do all the time maybe more than just one or two at a time though:D

I used to, then read that socks shouldn't be tumble dried.

purpleshoes_2

DivineSaver wrote: »

I felt I tried my best.
Bought a bed for them, got a spare room all set up for them. Even set up a separate living room in the event they didn't want to watch what I was watching on tv (very likely as I watch soaps and my dad can't stand them).
Insured them both on my car and gave them the spare key.
Cooked dinner for them every night (only eaten once because they were out every other evening and cooked their own at 7pm despite leftovers being there for them)
Did all the food shopping, laundry, cleaning...

I dont think that helps either, listing all the things you did for them, you need to talk, honestly, I think its very unlikely that your dad didnt get the email. I also think there's a lot you aren't telling people about your relationship with them, because I don't think stuff like this comes out of the blue.

Would I deny my mum access to my house until she said sorry for something and then keep contact with her in the meantime, probably not. I wouldnt go in a huff for a year, but I certainly would want the matter resolved, at the moment the OP is keeping contact with his mum but won't have her at his home. Its either resolved fully or its not.

Also, if you want them to stay in a hotel everytime they are over, tell them.

It sounds horrible, for everyone involved.

victory

lincroft1710 wrote: »

I used to, then read that socks shouldn't be tumble dried.

Why what happens to them? I know the washing machine seems to gobble them up as I have so many just one sock when I put two in the washing machine but never had a problem with the socks in the tumble dryer:rotfl:

DivineSaver

purpleshoes wrote: »

I dont think that helps either, listing all the things you did for them, you need to talk, honestly, I think its very unlikely that your dad didnt get the email. I also think there's a lot you aren't telling people about your relationship with them, because I don't think stuff like this comes out of the blue.

Would I deny my mum access to my house until she said sorry for something and then keep contact with her in the meantime, probably not. I wouldnt go in a huff for a year, but I certainly would want the matter resolved, at the moment the OP is keeping contact with his mum but won't have her at his home. Its either resolved fully or its not.

Also, if you want them to stay in a hotel everytime they are over, tell them.

It sounds horrible, for everyone involved.

Its not out-of-the-blue really, our relationship hasn't been great for a long time now. Probably the fault of both of us.

I am not in a huff and I do desperately want this problem resolved. Of course I don't want them to stay in a hotel whenever they're here. The only reason I bought this house was so they could have somewhere to grow old in once they retired! I don't see how that can happen though if they have now told me twice they don't like it and don't feel welcome.

It is horrible, I do feel guilty but as I said in a previous post whenever I bring it up my mum either hangs up the phone or switches her computer off. She refuses to talk about it.

liuhutOz

I think it is very hard when to have people to stay, even if they are your parents. Living in a different country and having people to stay for extended amount of time puts pressure on everyone, I had the MIL to stay for 10 weeks over christmas! I think people often forget that its different from visiting with family for a few hours at a time. It can really put the spotlight on differences of opinion and feelings that may have been simmering under the surface for what could be years.
I don't know that the answer if your mum is ignoring the issue, maybe send her a letter?. I had an issue recently and it took me a good few months before I raised it when we were chatting on Skype. Not an easy situation for you.

barbiedoll

Does your mum have an issue with your partner? That's a common reason for picking unreasonable fights with your offspring!

DivineSaver

barbiedoll wrote: »

Does your mum have an issue with your partner? That's a common reason for picking unreasonable fights with your offspring!

I'm not sure. Maybe. They both have very strong personalities, there is an age gap of about 7ys but I don't think that would be an issue. There was a bit of a falling out between my parents and OH's parents when we all went on holiday together... that could be the cause I suppose. I know my mum was worried for a while about me growing close to OH's mum but the holiday put a halt to that.

victory

DivineSaver wrote: »

I'm not sure. Maybe. They both have very strong personalities, there is an age gap of about 7ys but I don't think that would be an issue. There was a bit of a falling out between my parents and OH's parents when we all went on holiday together... that could be the cause I suppose. I know my mum was worried for a while about me growing close to OH's mum but the holiday put a halt to that.

New information....

So, did your mum put stop to you and your MIL getting on?

What does your OH say about it?

Are you an only child?

meritaten

tbh, I think your parents behaved rather badly on the last visit - but after a year you obviously are not going to get an apology. they both sound rather curmudgeonly and set in their ways - you sure you WANT them to come live with you when they retire???????????
of course you would wait for email reply or phone to check before booking flights - its his own dam fault there. and NO don't cancel plans.
I wouldn't dream of behaving like that in my kids homes!

Errata

using the washing machine or tumble dryer without asking... not usually a problem but she was washing one t-shirt and tumble drying 2 socks.. then when I asked her why she was doing this, she flipped her lid shouting and screaming at me

I think you need to sit down and have a hard think about this as that behaviour may indicate she's losing mental capacity.