Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

DivineSaver

victory wrote: »

New information....

So, did your mum put stop to you and your MIL getting on?

What does your OH say about it?

Are you an only child?

Yes I am an only child. I wouldn't say my mum put a stop to us getting along. I saw how MIL was acting during the holiday and I was really unhappy with it. My relationship with MIL hasn't been the same since.

OH isn't happy with the fact our mums don't get on but keeps out of it.

DivineSaver

Errata wrote: »

I think you need to sit down and have a hard think about this as that behaviour may indicate she's losing mental capacity.

Washing one t-shirt and tumble drying 2 socks has never been out of the ordinary. She's always done odd things like this for as long as I can remember. I just bring it up with her now because I'm the one who has to foot the electricity bill lol the shouting is nothing new either but never for something so trivial. Thats why it sticks in my mind. She does not take care of herself where she lives. She sits out in the sun for hours on end, doesn't keep herself hydrated. Lives off cheese on toast, wine, vodka and neurofen tablets. My dad has started to bulk freeze meals for her when he's at work.

Wilma33

Post your dad a key.


Edit: And post your mum a bunch of flowers. Life is too short.

huskypup

My two penneth - "I wish my mum was still around to be "my mum" when she stayed over" - she died three years ago - a few months before my 40th birthday. She certainly wasnt perfect and could irritate the hell out of me - but do you know what she was "my mum" and didnt try and take over out of spite she did it because I would always be her little girl. And in her mind would always need looking after.

Life is too short - let it drop - send them a key so they can stay over when you arent there.

They wont be here for ever.

FBaby

I think you were totally out of order to make an issue of her using the washing machine and tumble dryer. I assume she came with limited number of clothing items, hence washing essentials. Having a go at her for what would have cost a few pounds at most is totally innappropriate when you only see your parents only a few times a year. I think you should have been the one to aopology.

Are you wrong now? Of course not. Your dad made plans without confirming with you. He shouldn't have assumed you were free to welcome him at the last minute. Personally though, I would have offered him to stay in the house on his own rather than expecting him to end up in a hotel.

Gavin83

Your parents sound like a nightmare to be honest. I'm surprised your actually considering living with them in the future, I think it'll be way more trouble than its worth.

Izadora

DivineSaver wrote: »

I felt I tried my best.
Bought a bed for them, got a spare room all set up for them. Even set up a separate living room in the event they didn't want to watch what I was watching on tv (very likely as I watch soaps and my dad can't stand them).
Insured them both on my car and gave them the spare key.
Cooked dinner for them every night (only eaten once because they were out every other evening and cooked their own at 7pm despite leftovers being there for them)
Did all the food shopping, laundry, cleaning...

So, you have a go at your mum for using the washing machine without asking and feel aggrieved that you had to do all the laundry...

It does sound like things have been blown all out of proportion and that there's fault on both sides so is there any way you can all just forget about it and move on?

I also think, especially seeing as you've gone to the effort of setting up a spare room for them, it would be a good idea to give them a spare key next time you see them so that they can stay when you're not there if need be - with the obvious caveat that they have to let you know when they're coming rather than just turning up.

fairy_lights

markdebby wrote: »

I'm so glad you are not my son.
My son does not live in the same country as me but no way would he treat me the way you do your parents.
I to would feel unwelcome and if you can't see that....well

I don't think the OP has treated his (or her?) parents badly at all...he has welcomed them in to his home, furnished a room for them, cooked meals and made plans for them and has said he still speak to his mum everyday so they clearly have a good relationship.
The parents don't sound old and infirm and in need of looking after, and if they are going to get stroppy with OP then I don't see why he should just put up with it. You wouldn't tolerate any one else turning up unannounced for visits or telling you they had hated their visit to you, would you?

FBaby

The problem was the disproportion of your expectations. You went overboard to make them feel welcome which is lovely bur showed it meant a lot they were coming to see you and then hedge ago at your mum for using a machine on the basis of costs that would hedge been nothing composted to the rest you were happy to spend your money on. Your mum must have felt very confused especially if you then insisted on an apology.

Mojisola

Whenever a massive row happens over a trivial incident, it's usually because of a long-running build-up to that moment.

Even if the OP got an apology from Mum - or apologised to Mum - that won't fix the relationship problem. That's going to take a lot more work and will need both sides to accept there is a problem that needs fixing.

I would also give up on the idea that everyone will eventually live together in the same house!