Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

duchy

Oh take her out to lunch ...... It gives a clear message that you still care even if you don't like her current behaviour........ Maybe you could visit some car sales places on the way home so Dad can buy a car too

Going out rather than inviting them to yours means she'll have to behave as it's public

DivineSaver

itsanne wrote: »

You said your parents had been approved for a house. Are they still looking or is your dad just using your car in general in place of a hired one?

They've been approved but it came to light last week that the current tenants are going to stay in the house for a fortnight longer than planned. So they've said s*d it and have decided to start looking for other accommodation. Their own car is still 4 weeks from arriving in the UK. I didn't mind to start with but it's getting a bit tedious now only being able to go two places, work and home, and my dad is starting to get irritated because I start work at 6:45am meaning he has to get up early what a mess, huh?

fairy_lights

DivineSaver wrote: »

They've been approved but it came to light last week that the current tenants are going to stay in the house for a fortnight longer than planned. So they've said s*d it and have decided to start looking for other accommodation. Their own car is still 4 weeks from arriving in the UK. I didn't mind to start with but it's getting a bit tedious now only being able to go two places, work and home, and my dad is starting to get irritated because I start work at 6:45am meaning he has to get up early what a mess, huh?

He can't be viewing houses all day everyday though and it's totally unreasonable of him to expect to have your car so much. And now he's getting irritated about having to get up early because of your work times? He's starting to sound almost as demanding as your mum, just a bit quieter about it.
Maybe buy the pair of them bus passes for mothers day!

Slinky

Why can't he hire a car?

gfplux

Hello divinesaver,
There is a lot of history that keeps you, your partner, your Dad and your Mum angry and upset.
With Mother's Day in a few days YOU have have an opportunity. That is an oportunity to pass it by without comment and perhaps add to the anger or not.
Perhaps it is an oportunity to mend "some" fences.
Who knows, even you don't know how you will feel during or after Mothers Day. Did you make the right decision or not?
When you wake up on Monday morning you and only you will be able to answer the question "did I do the right thing"
As someone detached from your particular problem it may be easy for me to say....... But I will say it
Take control, invite your mother out for lunch on Mothers Day. (Hope you can get a booking) think for example if your mother does not like Chinese/chain restaurants/Indian/American etc ,etc.
It is easy to say why should I care but if you want to invite someone for lunch, you want it to start in the right way. Think about transport. Sometimes a meal can end on a high and then while you drive someone home things go wrong.
These attentions to detail can make a success or a disaster of a very happy family (business) lunch.

belfastgirl23

I think you are really taking strides in acting in an adult way. In my mind, the adult thing to do is to kind of rise above your mother's behaviour. But not to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. So yes a nice card to acknowledge the day - Happy Mother's Day should suffice as a sentiment. Beyond this is a judgement call. A gift is a step further. Spending time with her another step further. If you want to spend time, I would say try to make it a public place if you can since this will hopefully encourage good behaviour. But do it if you feel it's right. One way or another though, take control and set the terms, or else you'll feel you've slid back a bit.

On the car I'd suggest that you also say 'Dad next week I'm going to need the car on Tuesday and Thursday because I've got a few things I need to do'. Don't be pressed on what they are and if he continues to ask, point out that it's your car and you saying you need it should be enough. Just in case their car takes longer to arrive.

By the way if you do see your mum and she is complaining about things, just keep asking her what she plans to do about it. Make sure it is NOT your problem, it is her problem...therefore it is up to her to solve it, not up to you. Don't come up with solutions either because people who complain a lot just find reasons why your solutions don't work. Or expect you to make the solutions happen. Broken record - I'm sorry you feel like that, what do you think you could do to change it.

Well done though! You are really making progress here!