Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

DivineSaver

BigAunty wrote: »

Is there any chance that your dad is at risk from even nastier behaviour than she exhibits to you or your aunt?

She can't even get along with her own sister...sheesh.

Was she like this pre-menopause?

My dad has been in the firing line already it seems- his sullen mood whenever I see him tells me they've had quite a few arguments already. He is finally standing up to her too and she is struggling to deal with it.

She has been like this for as far back as my memories go.

DivineSaver

thorsoak wrote: »

She is using excuses, you know - I believe you said she is late 50s/early 60s? She's not still going through the menopause !

She is 58. She has been blaming the menopause since she was 46. Genuinely don't know how long the menopause lasts? We have suggested HRT but she insists her sisters didn't need it so neither does she.

Mojisola

DivineSaver wrote: »

She is 58. She has been blaming the menopause since she was 46. Genuinely don't know how long the menopause lasts? We have suggested HRT but she insists her sisters didn't need it so neither does she.

The last thing someone who behaves like this wants is to have her 'reason' for behaving badly solved! She'll have to think up another excuse then.

balletshoes

fivetide wrote: »

Sounds like you've done brilliantly. You are rightly proud of yourself.

I 100% agree with this - well done :T!

meritaten

Well done - people can only bully you if you let them! As you are finding out. Stand firm and one day she WILL treat you with respect.

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

Well done - people can only bully you if you let them! As you are finding out. Stand firm and one day she WILL treat you with respect.

That might be too much to hope for!

belfastgirl23

Good for you, well done!

meritaten

Mojisola wrote: »

That might be too much to hope for!

ah, but I am optimistic here - as I don't think she is 'menopausal' - just allowed to get away with bad behaviour for far too long!
her OH has let her get away with it and her child (the OP) has followed suit. now their attitudes are changing and she is finding it increasingly hard to behave as 'normal' for her. fgs - even her sister seems to be 'not taking it'!
the more I have read of this thread, the more I think that mother has behaved like a spoilt child, and her spouse and family have let her. rather like a spoilt brat! so time for some 'tough love'.

itsanne

Well done. Whatever you do, don't give in if her sister says they can't stay with her!

If your parents end up living reasonably near you'll be able to see your dad on his own some of the time. If your mum wants to see you too she'll have to modify her behaviour.

Recent research suggests that your mum could be suffering menopausal symptoms as they can last for up to twelve years, longer than previously thought, but as she's always been the same she's just using the menopause as a convenient excuse. It still wouldn't justify her behaviour anyway.

Hopefully standing up for yourself will get easier the more you do it, but when it's hard - just remember the alternative. :eek:

seven-day-weekend

My husband's mother was like this too.

My husband found himself a lot more happy and confident when he started putting his foot down.

She never changed, but he was able to handle it a lot better and not feel guilty about it.

You have done the right thing in standing up to her. Well done