Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

ah, but I am optimistic here - as I don't think she is 'menopausal' - just allowed to get away with bad behaviour for far too long!
her OH has let her get away with it and her child (the OP) has followed suit. now their attitudes are changing and she is finding it increasingly hard to behave as 'normal' for her. fgs - even her sister seems to be 'not taking it'!
the more I have read of this thread, the more I think that mother has behaved like a spoilt child, and her spouse and family have let her. rather like a spoilt brat! so time for some 'tough love'.

I agree whole-heartedly with all that - it's well past the time that others stopped allowing her to treat them like this - I just don't see her ever treating those around her with respect.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

My husband's mother was like this too.

My husband found himself a lot more happy and confident when he started putting his foot down.

She never changed, but he was able to handle it a lot better and not feel guilty about it.

This is likely to be the best achievable outcome.

misspickle_2

DivineSaver wrote: »

Yes he is. I don't think he expected it to take as long as it did to find rented accommodation. He told me this morning though that they have been approved for a house so hopefully that means I can have my car back again! and just in time too- its only been two weeks and he's scored the alloys and knocked the tracking out already. :(

What a relief they have found somewhere :T

Well done for sticking to your guns.

Sorry to hear about your car how annoying!

amersall

Well done for holding your own x glad you can choose your friends? lol

fivetide

Tell Dad to fix the damage to your motor too hah. You seem to be on a roll.

DivineSaver

Firstly thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement. They have really helped me keep going through all of this and I am still holding on in there. Its been nearly another week now and still not a word from my mum. I have seen my dad Mon-Fri, he is still borrowing the car and taking me too and from work. Getting really frustrated now as the only three places I can go is work, home and the shop up the road unless I rely on OH but thats another story. I dropped my mum into conversation on Wednesday and my dad revealed that she "is really hating being back in the UK" which doesn't surprise me tbh I expected that. She expects everyone to stop and flock round her which was fine when she was visiting for a week here and 2 weeks there but she seems to forget people have their own lives they need to be getting on with.

Anyway, the subject of Mothers Day came up :eek: my dad asked me what I had planned and I said "nothing yet" (not strictly true as prior to the fall out I had been planning on taking her shopping and going out for a meal etc) and so my dad has suggested a gift he thinks she would like (which I found odd) but I'm at a loss what to do come Sunday. Do I turn up where they're staying with card and present in hand and just act like nothing happened? Is that the right thing to do or will it just make her feel like she has "won" :huh:
I'm at a loss.

Kaye1

Don't take it the wrong way- but just turning up with gift in hand would be a lie wouldn't it? With a card that says, 'thank you for being wonderful' would be a untruth wouldn't it?


Now- to be open and honest with you- my Mum will be getting nothing. She is not a person who deserves any of my time, However, if you feel that you Mum has done some things over the years which does deserve some thanks, then go round. If not, why continue the lie?


I tell you about my Mum because it obviously colours my response- but is also allows me to see the manipulation which is happening to you. Your Dad seems to be the enabler too.


I wish you all the very best in what you decide. Look at your life now and decide what is best for you. Not what other people say you should be doing- after all Mother's Day is just a day.

Mojisola

DivineSaver wrote: »

Do I turn up where they're staying with card and present in hand and just act like nothing happened? Is that the right thing to do or will it just make her feel like she has "won" :huh:

I would find a bland card that doesn't say anything more than "Happy Mother's Day" and post it to her.

Avoid the cards with all the 'wonderful Mum' stuff on them.

pollypenny

Mojisola wrote: »

I would find a bland card that doesn't say anything more than "Happy Mother's Day" and post it to her.

Avoid the cards with all the 'wonderful Mum' stuff on them.

Agree with this. If you ignore Mothers'Day you'll add fuel to her fire.

fairy_lights

I'd give your dad a card to pass on to her.
I'd also tell him he can't borrow the car anymore! Surely he doesn't need to be out house hunting in it everyday? Why can't he use public transport?

itsanne

fairy_lights wrote: »

I'd give your dad a card to pass on to her.
I'd also tell him he can't borrow the car anymore! Surely he doesn't need to be out house hunting in it everyday? Why can't he use public transport?

This. ^^^

You said your parents had been approved for a house. Are they still looking or is your dad just using your car in general in place of a hired one?