Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

DivineSaver

duchy wrote: »

Is your OH prepared to be "the bad guy" and shoulder the blame so you can say "I'm sorry but my husband says no you can't stay as he has a lot of pressure at work, exams coming up so needs quiet at home ....or whatever OP ?

Where is their furniture going ?
Hopefully a nice big storage bill will keep them motivated to find somewhere quickly. Do they intend to rent or buy ?

I think my OH is already to blame in their eyes. I think in their ideal world, things would go back to when I was younger- the 3 of us staying under one roof. They would just tell my OH to go and stay with his mum if he was wanting peace and quiet.

I have no idea where their furniture is going.. this thought never even occured to me until my OH brought it up on Sunday. Would they have had to tell the removal company the exact address already or could they leave it until nearer the time? I'm sure when they moved out there, it took nearly a month for their stuff to arrive.

They are planning on renting somewhere. I had considered mortgaging a house for them but the thought makes me apprehensive now.

DivineSaver

thorsoak wrote: »

I think that you should direct your parents to the problems that your mother might have in accessing NHS care and also benefits.

I have directed my parents toward many problems.. NHS care being the biggest one... my mum suffered a knee injury many years ago and was told nearly 4 years ago (on one of her many trips back) that she would have to do physiotherapy or risk needing an operation. My parents have brushed this off saying she is still registered with a Dr surgery here and so everything is fine.

There is also a problem with my dad regarding tax. He is working abroad and has declared himself as "no longer domicile to the UK" I am no expert but I took that to mean he has declared that he has moved abroad and has no intention to return, therefore does not have to pay tax in the UK. I have no idea what the implications are once he returns and I've told him it would be best to look into it first, but again this has been ignored. "You don't know what you're talking about"

duchy

DivineSaver wrote: »

I think my OH is already to blame in their eyes. I think in their ideal world, things would go back to when I was younger- the 3 of us staying under one roof. They would just tell my OH to go and stay with his mum if he was wanting peace and quiet.

.

Well if they did you would have to be a united unit and tell them "No that isn't going to happen"

If I was your OH I'd be very upset with you that your home together means so little to you that you are allowing your parents to jeperdise your life together. Maybe you have to choose -are you a committed partner or are your parents wants (not needs) more important than yours and your partner's ?

DivineSaver

duchy wrote: »

Well if they did you would have to be a united unit and tell them "No that isn't going to happen"

If I was your OH I'd be very upset with you that your home together means so little to you that you are allowing your parents to jeperdise your life together. Maybe you have to choose -are you a committed partner or are your parents wants (not needs) more important than yours and your partner's ?

Our home together is the most important thing to me. There is no way I would allow my OH to move out of the home we share together just to accommodate two people who are supposed to treat me... us!! .. with a bit more decency than that. My parents are important to me, yes, but this is the man I want to build my future with and spend the rest of my life with.

notanewuser

DivineSaver wrote: »

There is also a problem with my dad regarding tax. He is working abroad and has declared himself as "no longer domicile to the UK" I am no expert but I took that to mean he has declared that he has moved abroad and has no intention to return, therefore does not have to pay tax in the UK. I have no idea what the implications are once he returns and I've told him it would be best to look into it first, but again this has been ignored. "You don't know what you're talking about"

If he's truly non-dom then he only gets the tax benefits for 5 years. Have they been away for longer than that?

BigAunty

DivineSaver wrote: »

They are planning on renting somewhere. I had considered mortgaging a house for them but the thought makes me apprehensive now.

I have seem some horrific threads on the housing forum from people who have bought properties for relatives, including re-mortgaging their own to buy a property for aged parents who had debt issues and faced repossession.

Her parents never faced up to the reality of their shrunken income and still wanted the lifestyle that they used to have when affluent.

What happened is her parents reneged on their agreement to pay rent, causing the daughter massive financial hardship. They faced repossession of both properties and struggled to buy new shoes for their daughter. Their parents didn't give a s*it and cast her as the baddie 'She promised us we could live in the property until the end of our days, now she is evicting us'.

Your parents lack basic courtesy, simple manners, the ability to address urgent problems. Throw a financial relationship into the mix and it will be hell.

duchy

Can I ask where their income will come from if they are moving countries ?

Obviously you have thought about mortgaging for them so there is no large lump sum to live on. Are they thinking they will be entitled to state support or do they have other resources (apart from you) ?

If you are right and they are assuming finances that they won't qualify for -then allowing them to stay at all is a recipe for disaster for you all.

DivineSaver

notanewuser wrote: »

If he's truly non-dom then he only gets the tax benefits for 5 years. Have they been away for longer than that?

They have been abroad since 2008.

thorsoak

DivineSaver wrote: »

I have directed my parents toward many problems.. NHS care being the biggest one... my mum suffered a knee injury many years ago and was told nearly 4 years ago (on one of her many trips back) that she would have to do physiotherapy or risk needing an operation. My parents have brushed this off saying she is still registered with a Dr surgery here and so everything is fine.

There is also a problem with my dad regarding tax. He is working abroad and has declared himself as "no longer domicile to the UK" I am no expert but I took that to mean he has declared that he has moved abroad and has no intention to return, therefore does not have to pay tax in the UK. I have no idea what the implications are once he returns and I've told him it would be best to look into it first, but again this has been ignored. "You don't know what you're talking about"

You may need to direct him to this website : http://www.wrexham.gov.uk/english/council/benefits/new_uk_residents.htm

notanewuser

DivineSaver wrote: »

They have been abroad since 2008.

He'll owe HMRC a fair whack then.