Feeling guilty. Am I wrong? (parents)

CH27

Can you have a quiet chat with your Dad while he is with you?

DivineSaver

CH27 wrote: »

Can you have a quiet chat with your Dad while he is with you?

Thanks for your suggestion. I am hoping to do just that. He hasn't wanted to get involved in the past. He just says "you know what she's like" and won't talk about it further. I am going to try again tonight though as this can't go on. Its pushing us all apart.

CH27

DivineSaver wrote: »

Thanks for your suggestion. I am hoping to do just that. He hasn't wanted to get involved in the past. He just says "you know what she's like" and won't talk about it further. I am going to try again tonight though as this can't go on. Its pushing us all apart.

You may find your Dad is under an awful lot of pressure with her.
Let him open up without pushing if you can.

thistledome

I know nobody else has mentioned this but am I really the only one who thinks it's a bit odd that OP set up a separate lounge and TV for his parents because they don't want to watch his soaps?

If I was your parent I'd feel quite hurt that you'd rather sit and watch soaps on TV and put me in a separate room than spend time with me, especially seeing as how you don't see your parents very often.

Soaps will be around to watch long after your parents are gone.

lulu_92

thistledome wrote: »

I know nobody else has mentioned this but am I really the only one who thinks it's a bit odd that OP set up a separate lounge and TV for his parents because they don't want to watch his soaps?

If I was your parent I'd feel quite hurt that you'd rather sit and watch soaps on TV and put me in a separate room than spend time with me, especially seeing as how you don't see your parents very often.

Soaps will be around to watch long after your parents are gone.

I think it's quite considerate because it gives them their own space should they want to use it. It doesn't necessarily mean that OP will force them to use that and not allow them to watch TV anywhere else.

However, judging by this situation, sounds like OPs mum would use that room a lot, and if I was the OP I'd be glad of it at times like this

Mojisola

thistledome wrote: »

I know nobody else has mentioned this but am I really the only one who thinks it's a bit odd that OP set up a separate lounge and TV for his parents because they don't want to watch his soaps?

If I was your parent I'd feel quite hurt that you'd rather sit and watch soaps on TV and put me in a separate room than spend time with me, especially seeing as how you don't see your parents very often.

As the parents were staying for three weeks, I think having their own lounge to spend time in was a good idea. It would have been the parents' choice whether they used it or not.

DivineSaver

thistledome wrote: »

I know nobody else has mentioned this but am I really the only one who thinks it's a bit odd that OP set up a separate lounge and TV for his parents because they don't want to watch his soaps?

If I was your parent I'd feel quite hurt that you'd rather sit and watch soaps on TV and put me in a separate room than spend time with me, especially seeing as how you don't see your parents very often.

Soaps will be around to watch long after your parents are gone.

I did this because when my dad used to visit me in my small flat, he would get up and go to the bedroom and watch tv there if I was watching something in the living room that didn't take his fancy.

So I just thought at least if I set up the room as a tv room, he will at least have a comfy sofa to sit on if he wants to watch his own things. :think:

I am by no means forcing them to sit there. In fact my mother said she "hated the idea" so it backfired on me anyway... though dad was quite happy lol

meritaten

I have to say - I do feel so sorry for your dad! I too would suggest you sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. his life with your mum must have been so difficult. I have to wonder whether this 'trip' was a bit of 'escape' time for him. tbh she sounds a right nightmare to live with.

DivineSaver

Hello all :hello:

Just thought I would give an update as to what has been happening recently and perhaps procure a little more advice off you all.

When my dad was here to visit me in November, we had a long conversation about my mum's unusual behaviour. He acknowledged that it couldn't continue for both our sakes and said he would have a chat to her when he got home.

Since then, various things have happened in all our lives and due to unforseen circumstances, they are planning on moving back to the UK. Good news for everyone as it means we will be able to see more of each other and I will finally be able to work on rebuilding a decent relationship with my mum again. Last week I had a phone call from my dad asking if he could come stay with me sometime soon so he could look for a house for the two of them when they eventually moved back. He said he had no idea of dates yet but when he knew more, he would get back to me. I told him yes, not a problem. Literally two minutes after hanging up the phone I got a popup from my mum on the computer saying she is planning on coming back next Wednesday and could I pick her up from the airport? :undecided Naturally I was a bit taken aback and asked her when this had been booked as I had been told by my dad not two minutes previously that there were no dates arranged. She immediately went on the defensive again saying "well ok obviously you don't want me visiting, forget it, dad will come back instead to look at houses" this was pretty late at night and I didn't particularly want to argue as I had work very early the next morning so I said "ok I will phone you tomorrow please don't book anything until then".

Next morning I send a text to my dad to say if he was wanting to come back sooner rather than later he can come from 16th Feb onwards as I will be on nightshift meaning he can borrow my car during the day for house viewings or whatever else he wanted to do. Got a reply back saying "already booked us for next Wednesday. Can you pick us up?" :shocked: Anyway, long story short I sent my dad an email saying how I felt the three of us were not communicating properly and how I feel we really have to keep each other on the same page if we want to get anything resolved. Also asked out of interest did he speak to mum about the problems we had talked about back in november? Got a reply saying no he never spoke to her.. he didn't feel he had to... completely denies that mum told him he wasn't welcome last time (even though he told me in our discussion last November that she did tell him that) :mad::mad::mad: and basically saying the problem I have with my mum is just that.. MY problem and that I have to sort it out.

This was on Saturday morning and as I was busy all day, I never got a chance to read it until late Saturday night. Planned to call them first thing in the morning. Woke up 7am Sunday morning to an email "the removal men are coming on the 13th Feb and we have booked to come back on the 14th. Can you pick us up?" Just. Like. That. No word of warning. Nothing. Completely ignoring my "best time to come back is on the 16th onwards" text too. Rightly or wrongly I am very frustrated.. starting to think they are just doing this out of spite. Sent an email straight back at 7am.. "14th is valentines day, me and OH are away that weekend" (no word of a lie, it has been booked for months)

Haven't heard anything so far. Starting to wonder if they are just going to turn up at my house on Saturday 14th. :eek: OH also got me thinking as well.. if they haven't got a house yet, where have they told the removal men to deliver all their furniture too. If it is my house, I'm screwed because it won't all fit

This is really starting to get me down now and I feel my parents are starting to take advantage of me, effectively treating my place like a hotel they can check in and out of whenever they wish. A little bit more communication from them and actually being kept in the loop would have made the world of difference. Now I just don't know what to do.

fivetide

TBH they sound as bad as each other. No harm in you putting your foot down a bit. They can't just impose like that.