Is she an auntie?

Timeflies

Really bizarre to say she is not an aunt. If that were the case, there would be no pairs of uncles and aunts, only individual ones. Would they expect their kid to write a card to e.g. Sophie & Uncle Matthew, instead of Aunty Sophie & Uncle Matthew? Never heard of this definition of uncles and aunts that need to be blood relations!

Mrs_Soup

That is definitely an auntie. I have a slight issue with my SIL's partner being referred to as my children's uncle as he and SIL are not married so there is no blood or marriage tie. I also am not fussed about being called auntie by their children but possibly because in my family my aunties are rarely known as such as they are closer to me in age than they are to my parents.

System

Judi wrote: »

ive got an Auntie who isn't related to my Mom or Dad. She's an 'honoury' Auntie and I love her very much.... Unlike my Moms sister who is a spiteful moo.

My best friend and his gf are having a baby and i've been told i am an honorary aunty which touched me a lot

The OP is definitely an aunty! How strange for them to think otherwise

duchy

This I disagree with

By your logic my partner's grandchildren make me their granny (or step granny) but I don't buy the "good as married" convention. When we get married they become my step grandchildren and I aquire the title at that point. It doesn't mean I'll treat them any differently to now - and I doubt it'll make any difference to my future step kids as neither are married themselves. Marriage confers certain benefits and one of those is extended family-.

That said I was raised that we only called family auntie or uncle. I remember one friend of my parents always told us to call them Auntie Vi and Uncle Roy but we never did as we were always told afterwards by my parents not to Mind you between my parents they had nine siblings so we weren't short of the real thing I suppose LOL. Someone called me Mrs (partner name) yesterday on the phone. It was easier to go along with their assumption than to stop the flow of the phone call (it was the gas co) but it felt odd especially as I've not decided if I'll take my partner's name when we wed anyway but for now the name like the title isn't mine.

If the auntie in the OP is indeed married to the uncle - of course she's an auntie - if she's just "as good as" then she isn't- not really in many people's eyes. Maybe with baby brain the couple just forgot they'd got married- Sleep deprivation is a strange thing.....or maybe there are lots of siblings on the Mum's side and in her head they are the "real" aunties ?

All sounds a bit petty though.....I'd wait til life becomes a bit more normal and then get the husband to broach it with his brother quietly.

jaylee3 wrote: »

Now although the couple talked about in the OP may not have meant this maliciously, or meant to cause hurt; your 'friend' on facebook sounds like a spiteful cow IMO. Any partner/wife of someone's brother would be the childrens aunt as far as I am concerned, whether the couple are married or not.

And the OP's friend IS an aunt to this child. What a strange thing for the parents of the child to say, that she is not the child's aunt. :huh:

I think I would have to ask them why they think I am not the child's aunt, if I am married to the child's uncle!!!

Birdie85

Of course she's an auntie, how horible to tell her otherwise! My brother's wife is an auntie to my DS and is just as loved and involved in his life as my brother is. Just as my husband is an uncle to their DS!

The only grey area for me is my husband's brother's GF. They have been together several years but aren't living together and no plans to marry. Is she an auntie or not?! My DH says no (but then again, he doesn't like her so can understand him not wanting to claim her!) but I feel mean by saying that she isn't and figure that if she wants to claim the title then she should be allowed to... it would be a lot easier if they just got married!

FatVonD

I agree with everyone saying that aunties and uncles come in pairs. I suppose the only difference is that an auntie/uncle by marriage may not be one forever if the relationship ends whereas a sibling of one of the parents will always be an auntie/uncle.

The new parents in the opening post (and subsequent post of a similar situation) sound really mean and totally up themselves with their new found parent status.

jaylee3

duchy wrote: »

This I disagree with

By your logic my partner's grandchildren make me their granny (or step granny) but I don't buy the "good as married" convention. When we get married they become my step grandchildren and I aquire the title at that point. It doesn't mean I'll treat them any differently to now - and I doubt it'll make any difference to my future step kids as neither are married themselves. Marriage confers certain benefits and one of those is extended family-.

If the auntie in the OP is indeed married to the uncle - of course she's an auntie - if she's just "as good as" then she isn't- not really in many people's eyes. Maybe with baby brain the couple just forgot they'd got married- Sleep deprivation is a strange thing.....or maybe there are lots of siblings on the Mum's side and in her head they are the "real" aunties ?

All sounds a bit petty though.....I'd wait til life becomes a bit more normal and then get the husband to broach it with his brother quietly.

So are you saying then, that if a couple don't get married, that they can't ever be allowed to call themselves aunt or uncle to their partner's nieces and nephews, like, ever? If a person is not married to your brother/sister, (and they are never going to get married,) are you not going to allow the partner to be classed as auntie or uncle, ever?

Many couples these days do not get married. So if you had a brother who had been with his girlfriend/partner for say 15 years, and they had kids together and had lived together for many years etc; would you never allow your children to call her auntie, because she is not married to your brother?

If they have children, would you tell your your children they're not allowed to class your brother's children as 'cousins,' because he is not married to their mother? I mean, where do you draw the line? At what point do you class her as family? Or do you never, because she is not married to your brother?

Seems a bit harsh and mean to never let them be called auntie or uncle, because it excludes that person from the family, because the couple have chosen to not get married.

My cousin has a partner (Dave,) who she is not married to, and she has been with him 12 years and has 2 kids by him, and her brother's 3 kids most definitely class him as their uncle Dave.

And my friend's daughter who is 21, has been with her boyfriend for 11 months, and they are not even living together, (although they went on holiday in August,) and his 2 sisters class her as a sister-in-law already, and his brother's daughter calls her auntie. Maybe some may say it's too soon. But I don't think it is. She has been with him nearly a year, and is becoming part of the family.

I guess people think differently, but I think it's unfair to dismiss someone and treat them differently, because the couple are not married.

purpleshoes_2

I think its less important re whether this woman is an aunt or not, its more important as to why they've excluded her in the way they have.

maman

purpleshoes wrote: »

I think its less important re whether this woman is an aunt or not, its more important as to why they've excluded her in the way they have.

I'd agree. I think it's established that she is an auntie but I think whatever happens now (and I certainly wouldn't be pursuing it if I was OP) then there'll be that coolness/nagging doubt how they feel about her.

jaylee3

Or it could be that they didn't mean anything by it.

Someone (maybe the OP's friend's hubby) needs to talk to his brother and his brother's wife, and find out why they don't class his wife - their sister in law - as their baby's auntie.

I am curious why.