Am I right to be offended?

TrickyWicky

MissOptimistic wrote: »

Hi everyone
He said the 'sh*t' comment wasn't a direct comparison to the meal at all, just reference to me eating something I wouldn't like.
Am I right to be offended, or just really oversensitive?

Yes you're right to be offended. If my partner spoke to me like that I'd be gutted.

I think your hubby is an insensitive idiot.

Vicky123

If someone cooked a meal I would always thank them, it's called being brought up properly and treating others with respect. If he wants to critique then he should eat out. I would also suspect the S word was intentional.

Gingernutty

I'm with the majority here. He's a knob.

You've cooked the meal before, presumably without comment, they know that you don't like wasting food and then they do that.

And yes, by saying "well, if I served you up with a plate of sh*t, I wouldn't expect you to like it", he's telling you, in a round about way that !!!!!!'s the equivalent of what you've cooked for him.

And now he's sulking because he says you're being unreasonable.

Stop cooking for him/them. The boys are clearly taking their cue from their father.

Homeownertobe wrote: »

Not the issue but I'm hugely offended at the notion of someone calling processed nonsense (Mr Ben's) cooking from scratch.

If you had cooked from scratch then fair enough, be offended, but throwing some stuff in the microwave isn't cooking from scratch.

You're right, it's not the issue, what were you thinking bringing it up when what was cooked is irrelevant to the thread?

January20

OP, you are right to be offended. I think your husband is very ungrateful and childish. He could have expressed himself better and I think him demanding an apology from you is a sign that he knows he was in the wrong, but if you apologise then you are taking on the blame and absolving him off the mistake.

The age of the children involved is irrelevant. Whether a child is 4 or 14, 6 or 16, being disrespectful to their mother in front of them is unacceptable and setting a bad example. I think it's even worse when they are older, as the fact they immediately copied their father shows.

FBaby

I'm confused as to why he is the one angry and sulking. Is it because he thinks that you shouldn't have reacted? Not felt upset? Surely if he thought that he had a right to be honest and say what he thought, surely you had a right to be honest and showed how you felt?

I am normally the one to play devils' advocate in such situation, but i really cannot see how your OH justifies being annoyed with you. His behaviour was unacceptable and hurtful and although sometimes we say things in a mood, you do apologise later.

onlyroz

There are more tactful ways of saying a meal is not to your taste. It's important to express preferences otherwise you might never know that a particular meal is disliked, but to compare a meal to a plate of !!!!!! is unacceptable.

duchy

Personally I'd stop cooking for all three of them until they've all apologized.

They don't have to like every dish you cook and are entitled to express a preference politely- but frankly if he didn't like it-he is presumably a grown man capable of fixing himself a sandwich....or even cooking himself something else.

That said head in hands was a tad drama lama and probably wasn't the greatest but that doesn't justify the rudeness of the three of them.

If he wants to sulk - fine.Don't feed him and cook yourself (and your sons IF they apologize after you've spoken to them yourselves about their rudeness-they aren't sheep and old enough to know their Dad was out of line) something that smells gorgeous

Vicky123

Maybe the head in hands was a response to more than this incident as most people faced with unusual or surprising behavior would react differently, lots of people have said he would be wearing the dinner if it had been them, or words to that effect.
Head in hands may appear dramatic but if it's more the case that nothing is ever right then it's probably the despair of yet another unfair criticism.
Course it could just be a mouthy eejit and his drama queen wife, the OP knows which it is.

lostinrates

I have NO children and would have been offended and shocked had my husband behaved in this way.

I feed my husband and one of my parents, who have different tastes, but are both polite and decent human beings and accept that. I try as hard as I can to cater to both tastes simultaneously and even if one is not that keen they would NEVER in a million years call the food !!!!!

There are certain things I don't serve to either, but if I felt forced to by nature of menu I know that my husband would eat them, thank me for the meal and kiss me and I would apologise for serving x and explain why before supper. And he'd grin, give me a kiss, and 'take one for the teAm'. Thank fully I can only think of two occasions where its happened.


We are honest but not hurtful about food ( we both cook) and always grateful for food made or any effort made for each other. I don't feed him tuna pasta bake and he doesn't come after me with spiralina smoothies, but I know if it came to it we'd both stomach either for the other.

Its sad , not the waste of food, but the show of disrespect to each other and communication fails this has shown your children. Its not just this incident,. But that while you knew it wasn't 'a favourite' but not that he hated it. This was a first communication fail on your parts. It happened twice.....



I absolutely do not think you need to apologise for your reactions to this incident, but you might BOTH need o apologise for the fail of communications prior to it on the previous two occasions if he had tried to politely tell you he didn't like it, and had failed to communicate clearly and you had failed to 'hear him'.


Nip it in the bud. Maybe get out of the house today, eat a meal someone else cooks...even a cheap sand which out, and tLk it through.

Nicki

I think they are both at fault sorry.

The OP served up a meal which her husband didn't like and after eating some of it , he put down his cutlery and said "sorry I don't like this" to explain why he wasn't finishing it in a household where the expectation apparently is that you must clean your plate.

In what kind of home or marriage is this not acceptable behaviour? It was a perfectly normal sane and polite thing to do!

What then happened though was OP put her head in her hands and made a fuss about it, and her husband lost his temper and snapped at her. What he said was not acceptable but nor was her passive aggressive response and attempt to control his behaviour. And as for the argument that she did this because he was setting a bad example to the children, well they are 14 and 16! If they don't eat their vegetables by now, then that ship has long since sailed. The fact that 3 out of 5 of those around the table abandoned the meal does tend to suggest it wasn't that nice by the way!